Go on vacation to a warm destination, some place that has lots of sun and either a beach or a pool. As you take off your shirt be mindful that many people are probably looking at you. Suck in your gut so it appears that you have a flat stomach. During the course of the day drink 30 beers while still keeping your abs tight. Repeat for six straight days. Surefire way to feel both the burn and the buzz.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Greatest Ab Workout in the World
If you have a flat stomach you need not read this. Oh, and fuck you.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Renter Picture
Arizona Vacation, Finale
Every day in Phoenix was 95 without a cloud in the sky; couldn’t have asked for better weather. Surprisingly some of the guests who were there the previous week said it was cloudy and rainy. If it wasn’t for their pasty white skin I wouldn’t have believed them.
The last day, Friday, I sat in the shade looking at real estate guides the Renter had picked up. Now, I don’t know how the neighborhood system goes in Phoenix and the surrounding areas, but I found quite a few 2,000 sq ft homes for $170,000 or less, sometimes even as low as $135,000. Again, I don’t know the neighborhoods, the one for $135K was probably in crack cocaine alley. At least the women would be cheap there…
Again, it was hot and sunny on Friday. I left Milwaukee with a pretty decent tan from sitting outside watching the Brewer’s games from the TV in my kitchen window. However, when sitting outside on my deck I like to wear a tank top so my neighbors don’t have to witness the “beer holder” in all its pride and glory. (I lift weights, lots of weights, but I also drink beer, lots of beer. I figure if you do something well you should do it as often as possible – just my motto.) By Friday my shoulders and stomach were pretty red, the shoulders actually starting to peal a little. So I sat in the shade, read the USA Today, and browsed through all the housing guides. I had told the Renter that I’d sit in the sun with her but I just couldn’t take any more sun. Apparently she didn’t take this too well. I caught hell for sitting in the shade, calling my mom, and trying to post on the blog (I don’t think that one went through, though). If figured there’d be at least one blow up and was actually surprised she made it till Friday to get pissed about me for something. I know she sits awake at night thinking of stuff to start an argument. By Friday afternoon, when she had big spots of “skin” on her shoulders and chest that were in fact void of “skin”, only then did she wish that she had sat in the shade, too.
Friday night we ate at the main restaurant at the hotel. Now let me remind you I got a good deal on the hotel, $88 a night after taxes and all that crap. It normally goes for double that. The prices at the restaurant reflected, of course, the higher price. I saw, listed as an appetizer, something called mozzarella and tomato. After drinking all day I envisioned this as mozzarella sticks with some form of a tomato on the side. What I got was a couple slabs of mozzarella and a raw tomato. $10 I could have used to buy a gallon of lube for a whole year’s worth of self pleasure – gone. Ok, maybe just three months…
The previous night we ate at an Italian place that was supposed to be reasonably priced and very tasty. I was thinking something like the Olive Garden. I walked in, shorts and Brewer t-shirt, only to find people with shirts and ties and evening dresses on. I was drunk, I didn’t care. I ordered a clam appetizer that wouldn’t have even filled up my eight pound dog. Whatever I ordered for the main dish, I don’t even remember what it was, the menu made no mention of mushrooms or the fact that the entire plate would be covered in them. Before the waitress had left the table the Renter and I were swapping plates. She asked if she had made a mistake and we explained no, everything was ok and we’d just change plates, no big deal. I guess in Arizona “reasonably priced” means dinner for two for $70. I stuck my hand down my pants and rubbed it around a bit before shaking the concierge’s hand thanking him for suggesting the restaurant.
Saturday we left the hotel at 8:30 am, 10:30 according to the central time displayed on the Renter’s car. Funny thing is, I wasn’t even surprised when it read 12:30 and the Renter said she’d had enough of driving. We stopped and got a couple foot long subs, ate half, and continued on our way. I think we ate the second halves around 6:00. That was all I had to eat on Saturday besides some beef jerky. I drove till 2:00 in the morning. For those of you who still have trouble telling time, that’s 13 hours of driving. The Renter took over and by 5:00 in the morning she was complaining of being stiff and sore. Yeah, don’t ask me how the 13-to-3 driving ratio works out, just one of those things you have to deal with being a man I guess. I got her to stick it out till 6:00 and we stopped at a rest area. Now, mind you I didn’t sleep while she drove. Even if I had tried to the occasional – during every turn – steering wheel jerk to one side or the other would have certainly woken me up. Actually, during the last hour that she drove I found myself more tense than when I was driving and had to take some deep breathes and make a conscious effort to relax my shoulders and arms. I cleaned my contacts at the rest area and instead of taking a nap I decided to continue the trip. I stopped at a gas station for gas and some coffee and told the Renter to take a nap. She cleaned out the back seat and wasn’t heard from again for four hours. By the time she woke up I was going on 24 hours without sleep. I made it till 1:00 pm, just outside of Springfield, Illinois, when I couldn’t do it any more. My contacts were getting blurry from not taking them out and I think the lack of any real food drained me. The gps on my phone said there were 300 miles left, just over four hours of driving. By the time there were 200 miles left someone was flexing her hands and stretching her back. I know women are supposed to be the weaker sex but we’re talking about driving a car here. My 20 hours driving (in two sittings) compared to her 8 hours driving (in three sittings) means I drove 2.5 times more than she did (to this point, 3:00 pm Sunday). But I knew this point would happen so I was prepared. Sitting in the passenger seat I took off my shoes and socks, which by this point were also 2.5 times as smelly as they usually are. They stunk. They smelled up the whole car. I tried to hold a bottle of water between my heals and the bottle took on the same smell. The Renter threw my socks out the window and threatened to throw my shoes out, too. Don’t worry, I still have my shoes, and the Renter’s car still smells like feet.
(People, I should say women, always give me looks when I use the term “woman driver.” But I assure you there is such a thing. The knob next to us tried to merge over without looking. I could have reached out my hand and tapped on his window. “Was that my fault?” “Woman driver” will live on forever, trust me.)
Over the 30.5 hour trip I tried making mental notes to myself (about half of which I remember). The worst state by far was New Mexico. There’s nothing “new” about New Mexico. From what I saw from the interstate they should have named it “Where old cars go to die.” I saw cars, trucks, school buses, all rotting away in people’s back yards. And by back yard I mean the desert area surrounding what could only be called a shanty. I’m assuming they had electricity because I saw numerous satellite dishes but I’d bet the farm on no running water. Have you ever seen someone walking or riding a bike on the side of the freeway? Common practice in New Mexico. Even at night, which is kind of freaky because you’ll be driving along and all of a sudden your headlights will pick up some dude walking four feet off to the side. Illuminated in your headlights they look like zombies. Not cool for someone who doesn’t like dead people movies.
The second worst state was Missouri, especially so on the trip back. You go from the flat roads in New Mexico and Oklahoma where you have long stretches doing 70 mph without a hill in sight. Missouri is nothing but hills. I turned off the cruise control because the engine would try it’s hardest to keep pace but it was a losing battle. I didn’t speed at all on the trip except for Missouri and that was only to gain momentum at the bottom of a hill so I could make it to the top without losing too much speed. I had God on my side so I wasn’t too worried – they had to have had a church every five miles along the freeway.
Downtown St. Louis sucks, too. This time I was driving so we didn’t go skidding across multiple lanes of traffic sideways but it was still nerve wracking with their narrow lanes, six lanes of traffic, and 50 mph limit that nobody paid attention to. At least the Brewers are currently on top of the Cardinals and Mr. Juicehead Pujols.
Got back to Milwaukee about 5:30 pm. I unloaded the car and popped open a beer. I was able to sit outside and enjoy the weather for 30 minutes before I had to go in and get a sweatshirt. I had been pretty much topless for the previous six days so that was kind of depressing. Even worse, as we started to get hungry we found out the corner bar is now closed on Sundays for the summer. Double bummer. Nice welcome back to the real world.
The last day, Friday, I sat in the shade looking at real estate guides the Renter had picked up. Now, I don’t know how the neighborhood system goes in Phoenix and the surrounding areas, but I found quite a few 2,000 sq ft homes for $170,000 or less, sometimes even as low as $135,000. Again, I don’t know the neighborhoods, the one for $135K was probably in crack cocaine alley. At least the women would be cheap there…
Again, it was hot and sunny on Friday. I left Milwaukee with a pretty decent tan from sitting outside watching the Brewer’s games from the TV in my kitchen window. However, when sitting outside on my deck I like to wear a tank top so my neighbors don’t have to witness the “beer holder” in all its pride and glory. (I lift weights, lots of weights, but I also drink beer, lots of beer. I figure if you do something well you should do it as often as possible – just my motto.) By Friday my shoulders and stomach were pretty red, the shoulders actually starting to peal a little. So I sat in the shade, read the USA Today, and browsed through all the housing guides. I had told the Renter that I’d sit in the sun with her but I just couldn’t take any more sun. Apparently she didn’t take this too well. I caught hell for sitting in the shade, calling my mom, and trying to post on the blog (I don’t think that one went through, though). If figured there’d be at least one blow up and was actually surprised she made it till Friday to get pissed about me for something. I know she sits awake at night thinking of stuff to start an argument. By Friday afternoon, when she had big spots of “skin” on her shoulders and chest that were in fact void of “skin”, only then did she wish that she had sat in the shade, too.
Friday night we ate at the main restaurant at the hotel. Now let me remind you I got a good deal on the hotel, $88 a night after taxes and all that crap. It normally goes for double that. The prices at the restaurant reflected, of course, the higher price. I saw, listed as an appetizer, something called mozzarella and tomato. After drinking all day I envisioned this as mozzarella sticks with some form of a tomato on the side. What I got was a couple slabs of mozzarella and a raw tomato. $10 I could have used to buy a gallon of lube for a whole year’s worth of self pleasure – gone. Ok, maybe just three months…
The previous night we ate at an Italian place that was supposed to be reasonably priced and very tasty. I was thinking something like the Olive Garden. I walked in, shorts and Brewer t-shirt, only to find people with shirts and ties and evening dresses on. I was drunk, I didn’t care. I ordered a clam appetizer that wouldn’t have even filled up my eight pound dog. Whatever I ordered for the main dish, I don’t even remember what it was, the menu made no mention of mushrooms or the fact that the entire plate would be covered in them. Before the waitress had left the table the Renter and I were swapping plates. She asked if she had made a mistake and we explained no, everything was ok and we’d just change plates, no big deal. I guess in Arizona “reasonably priced” means dinner for two for $70. I stuck my hand down my pants and rubbed it around a bit before shaking the concierge’s hand thanking him for suggesting the restaurant.
Saturday we left the hotel at 8:30 am, 10:30 according to the central time displayed on the Renter’s car. Funny thing is, I wasn’t even surprised when it read 12:30 and the Renter said she’d had enough of driving. We stopped and got a couple foot long subs, ate half, and continued on our way. I think we ate the second halves around 6:00. That was all I had to eat on Saturday besides some beef jerky. I drove till 2:00 in the morning. For those of you who still have trouble telling time, that’s 13 hours of driving. The Renter took over and by 5:00 in the morning she was complaining of being stiff and sore. Yeah, don’t ask me how the 13-to-3 driving ratio works out, just one of those things you have to deal with being a man I guess. I got her to stick it out till 6:00 and we stopped at a rest area. Now, mind you I didn’t sleep while she drove. Even if I had tried to the occasional – during every turn – steering wheel jerk to one side or the other would have certainly woken me up. Actually, during the last hour that she drove I found myself more tense than when I was driving and had to take some deep breathes and make a conscious effort to relax my shoulders and arms. I cleaned my contacts at the rest area and instead of taking a nap I decided to continue the trip. I stopped at a gas station for gas and some coffee and told the Renter to take a nap. She cleaned out the back seat and wasn’t heard from again for four hours. By the time she woke up I was going on 24 hours without sleep. I made it till 1:00 pm, just outside of Springfield, Illinois, when I couldn’t do it any more. My contacts were getting blurry from not taking them out and I think the lack of any real food drained me. The gps on my phone said there were 300 miles left, just over four hours of driving. By the time there were 200 miles left someone was flexing her hands and stretching her back. I know women are supposed to be the weaker sex but we’re talking about driving a car here. My 20 hours driving (in two sittings) compared to her 8 hours driving (in three sittings) means I drove 2.5 times more than she did (to this point, 3:00 pm Sunday). But I knew this point would happen so I was prepared. Sitting in the passenger seat I took off my shoes and socks, which by this point were also 2.5 times as smelly as they usually are. They stunk. They smelled up the whole car. I tried to hold a bottle of water between my heals and the bottle took on the same smell. The Renter threw my socks out the window and threatened to throw my shoes out, too. Don’t worry, I still have my shoes, and the Renter’s car still smells like feet.
(People, I should say women, always give me looks when I use the term “woman driver.” But I assure you there is such a thing. The knob next to us tried to merge over without looking. I could have reached out my hand and tapped on his window. “Was that my fault?” “Woman driver” will live on forever, trust me.)
Over the 30.5 hour trip I tried making mental notes to myself (about half of which I remember). The worst state by far was New Mexico. There’s nothing “new” about New Mexico. From what I saw from the interstate they should have named it “Where old cars go to die.” I saw cars, trucks, school buses, all rotting away in people’s back yards. And by back yard I mean the desert area surrounding what could only be called a shanty. I’m assuming they had electricity because I saw numerous satellite dishes but I’d bet the farm on no running water. Have you ever seen someone walking or riding a bike on the side of the freeway? Common practice in New Mexico. Even at night, which is kind of freaky because you’ll be driving along and all of a sudden your headlights will pick up some dude walking four feet off to the side. Illuminated in your headlights they look like zombies. Not cool for someone who doesn’t like dead people movies.
The second worst state was Missouri, especially so on the trip back. You go from the flat roads in New Mexico and Oklahoma where you have long stretches doing 70 mph without a hill in sight. Missouri is nothing but hills. I turned off the cruise control because the engine would try it’s hardest to keep pace but it was a losing battle. I didn’t speed at all on the trip except for Missouri and that was only to gain momentum at the bottom of a hill so I could make it to the top without losing too much speed. I had God on my side so I wasn’t too worried – they had to have had a church every five miles along the freeway.
Downtown St. Louis sucks, too. This time I was driving so we didn’t go skidding across multiple lanes of traffic sideways but it was still nerve wracking with their narrow lanes, six lanes of traffic, and 50 mph limit that nobody paid attention to. At least the Brewers are currently on top of the Cardinals and Mr. Juicehead Pujols.
Got back to Milwaukee about 5:30 pm. I unloaded the car and popped open a beer. I was able to sit outside and enjoy the weather for 30 minutes before I had to go in and get a sweatshirt. I had been pretty much topless for the previous six days so that was kind of depressing. Even worse, as we started to get hungry we found out the corner bar is now closed on Sundays for the summer. Double bummer. Nice welcome back to the real world.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Arizona Vacation, Part Ten
Friday, May 29, 2009
Arizona Vacation, Part Nine
The weather has been superb out here in Arizona, high temps, clear skies, couldn't ask for more. Last night we had to hit Walmart for yet another 30 pack of beer. That brings the total to six 30 packs in 5.5 days of fun in the sun. I'm doing my best. It isn't hard drinking during the day with the hot weather and all, pretty much goes right through you. Hit a "reasonably priced" Italian place last night and left with a $85 receipt in my pocket. The food was good and the service was excellent as I sat there in my camouflage shorts and Brewers shirt. The Renter graciously switched plates with me as mine came out covered in mushrooms (yuck). We sat by the pool afterwards and I think I finally got drunk on this trip - she sent me voice mails at 2:00 in the morning as evidence of my snoring. (Not the first time that happened, had to forward one on to the FA who initially started this growing in popularity trend.) Today, Friday, has been pretty calm so far with few people at the pool and the Renter and I pretty much having the place to ourselves. What more could you ask for? Actually been looking at some housing options here in Arizona. Affordable, think the only thing standing in the way is a new job down here. And selling my house but I don't think that would be too tough even in today's market; my house is about as far west as you can get and still be in the city of Milwaukee, nice neighborhood. Thing is I suck at interviews, horribly. Pretty much fell in to the two professional jobs I've ever had. Other than that not much new. Had to step up to the 50 spf lotion as both the Renter and I are showing some raw meat on our shoulders.
On a side note, I think a change of scenery would be good for me, not going up to the bar every night and actually concentrating on my professional career. Getting away from the fueding parents. Make my own life out here in the sun. We'll see, I've had a few in me at this point but it's definitely something I'm going to look in to when I get home.
Tomorrow we start the 1,800 mile trip back home. Even though I'll be sad to leave this awesome weather and fun in the sun, the competitive side of me wants to get on the road and make better time than we did getting here. And I miss he puppy. Can't wait to pick her up from Mom's.
Side note: just like the Renter left her mark in St. Louis with the St. Louis Slider, I had housekeeping working on our toilet for two hours after I had one of my world famous dumps. FA will back me up on that one (15 minutes at the Mirage and we had to make a toilet plunger call).
Renter starts the drive tomorrow, I's getting loaded tonight.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Arizona Vacation, Part Eight
Arizona Vacation, Part Seven
Arizona Vacation, Part Six
All is well on the western front. Supposed to be 110 and sunny today. Yours truly will be basking in the sun trying not to burn. I'm starting to get a bit of withdrawl from the outside world. Sure, I read the USA Today every morning but that doesn't give me a true picture of what's going on outside of my sunny paradise. Starting to think a little about work; did payroll go through correctly, are people calling in need of money? But today is Thursday, if anything went wrong I'm sure I can fix it on Monday.
So far the Renter and I are having an outstanding time, with no arguments, and if you know the Renter that means we're shooting birdie golf. I got her to go down the big slide at the other pool; once, that was it.
My phone's making some funky noise so I'll update again later.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Arizona Vacation, Part Five
Last night we ordered pizza, salad, and chicken wings from room service at 6:30. I ate as much as I could and we still had food left over. That being said, by 7:30 I was ready for a nap. After drinking all day and having a full stomach I slept till 10:30. We got up and took a walk but didn't get far; the hotel is built on the side of a mountain and most of the roads are at a 30° angle. Went back to the room and I was thinking about ordering "Taken" but they wanted $15, ended up watching some Ashton Kutcher and Bernie Mac movie instead. Went to bed sober once again. I know, not like me, but I'd had a long day.
Today I think we're going to venture out to one of the other pools since the adult pool doesn't serve food. From what I remember from being here before the big pool has a pretty cool slide and a nice sit down eating place. We'll see.
Oh, one other note. Towards the end of my drinking yesterday I was approached by one of the staff here about having a cooler at the pool. Actually it was right at the side of the pool as the Renter moved it so Mr. Crispy didn't have to vet out of the pool to get a beer. The guy was really nice, said he saw me pull a beer out of the cooler in plain sight (not supposed to have coolers at the pool). He said, "You know, if you had the cooler under a towel and had your beer in a plastic cup it wouldn't be so obvious." Done deal! Whatever keeps us both happy.
By now my sunscreen will have soaked in so I'm going to test the waters. 11:30 and I'm going on beer number five. That's what vacation is all about.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Arizona Vacation, Part Four
Arizona Vacation, Part Three
Monday, May 25, 2009
Arizona Vacation, Part Two
6:30 pm on the first full day, and I'm burned. Heading out for dinner with a stop at Walmart for some aloe vera. And beer and cigarettes for tomorrrow.
Arizona Vacation, Part One
The Renter was going to start the trip so I had a couple pitchers at the bar watching the Brewers get their asses handed to them by the Twins. 10:00 came and we filled up the tank and headed out. We stopped somewhere around midnight and I had a couple more beers at some hick bar that featured a bunch of 50-year-old people happily singing karaokee. We got back on the road headed towards St. Louis.
Apparently you have to be sober to both drive and to be the co-pilot. we had tossed the Mapquest directions and were going off the navigation feature on our phones. That seemed to work pretty well if you were paying attention to both the screen and the verbal directions. Sober driver, check. Sober co-pilot, not so much a check. I was looking at the screen and at the last moment noticed we were in the wrong lane. I think I got so much as a hand gesture and a grunt before the Renter cranked on the wheel. We hit a half-curb divider and caught a little air. Once we got back on the ground we were sliding sideways down the freeway at 60 mph. Don't ask me how we didn't roll it. We slid like that for a good ten seconds before she regained control and we screa hed to a hault, jumping the curb on the other side of the road. A cloud of tire smoke drifted over the hood and the smell filled the car. We sat there and looked at each other. I got out and checked the tires; they turned out to be ok. What a way to start the trip with St. Louis Slider.
The rest of the trip was less exciting, thankfully. Sure, there was the monsoon in Missouri and the one lane mountain freeway that was under construction in New Mexico and thank you Oklahoma for charging us $13.50 for letting us use your fine freeways. We typically slept at rest stops and gas stations. We got in to Phoenix around 11:00 am on Sunday. So here I sit by the pool plugging away on my phone just to let you all know that we made it safely (somewhat) and I'm enjoying what must be 95 degree weather sitting by the pool, cooler full of Budweiser within arms reach. Just marvelous.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Kornheiser, Flying, Trip
On Monday it was reported that Tony Kornheiser was quitting the Monday Night Football crew and was being replaced with Jon Gruden. A lot of people didn’t like Tony on the show and criticized him often. There was a lot of speculation that he didn’t step down as was reported but was forced off the set. His reasoning was that he hates flying and being based out of Washington DC it meant he had to fly quite a bit. Some people don’t buy this. I do. Just look at John Madden and his Madden Cruiser. That guy was driven everywhere. And then there’s me. I haven’t been in an airplane since the summer of 2006. Since I am based out of Milwaukee, WI (“based”, makes it sound more important than “I’ve lived my whole miserable life in this Godforsaken city”), most flights that I would take would have to be routed through O’Hare (Chicago). O’Hare is a short 90 mile drive but if I’m going to be gone for a week I don’t want to leave my car in one of their parking lots for $25 a day. Then I have to find someone willing to drive me there and pick me up. That’s just a big hassle and I don’t like asking people to do stuff like that for me. The other option is to fly to Chicago. Usually the price of the ticket from Milwaukee to Chicago to say Cancun is pretty much the same as a trip from Chicago to Cancun so it doesn’t make any sense to make the drive. But the problem with going from Milwaukee to Chicago is the aircraft they use for the short distance flights. Once inside I can neither stand up straight or walk down the aisle without turning my shoulders one way or the other. Talk about a horrible feeling when you’re in an enclosed container with only one way out and you can’t fully extend any part of your body (I don’t think they’d like it if I popped off the emergency door in a fit of claustrophobia). The longer flights aren’t any better. Even though they might have more top to bottom clearance there is still the leg room issue. Wouldn’t you know it, that little metal strip at the top of the magazine holder lines up directly below my knee cap. Imagine having that digging at you for a three hour flight. Now I know Tony Kornheiser isn’t a big guy or anything, but there are many other reasons why people don’t like flying so I’m going to go on record and say that I believe him. Rock on, Tony!
My own dislike of flying is the main reason why the Renter and I are driving to Arizona tonight. The old roommate and I stayed at this hotel way back in 2005 for one of his work outings (he worked for one of those subprime loan shark companies whose actions are currently crippling our country – but boy were his work shindigs ever nice!). It was a nice place built into the side of a bluff/cliff. Well, they just ran a special for $80 a night so I jumped on it. Looking forward to a week of fun in the sun. Even though I have enough airline miles saved up for two free tickets I just couldn’t bring myself to book them. I’d rather spend 20 hours in a car than three hours cooped up on a plane. At least I can open a window or get off the freeway at any time I choose. American Airlines runs a mile special for Mexico in October, might as well save them for use then. Could you imagine a road trip to Cancun? I’ll fly that one.
On a more serious note, the FA sent me a text yesterday (printed without his permission, of course). “Drinks and a fire on our patio Saturday night? Let me know…” To which I responded, “I’ll be ¾ the way to Arizona.” “The Renter said ½ way. Guess that’s the point she’s planning on kicking u out this time!”
As of Thursday night/Friday morning she wasn’t talking to me for some reason or another and I was quite pissed to find her smoking in the house without any windows open. Mind you we have a puppy with the lung capacity of a small whoopee cushion. Did I mention I got the good deal on the hotel because it was nonrefundable?
Wish me luck, I know I'm going to need it.
My own dislike of flying is the main reason why the Renter and I are driving to Arizona tonight. The old roommate and I stayed at this hotel way back in 2005 for one of his work outings (he worked for one of those subprime loan shark companies whose actions are currently crippling our country – but boy were his work shindigs ever nice!). It was a nice place built into the side of a bluff/cliff. Well, they just ran a special for $80 a night so I jumped on it. Looking forward to a week of fun in the sun. Even though I have enough airline miles saved up for two free tickets I just couldn’t bring myself to book them. I’d rather spend 20 hours in a car than three hours cooped up on a plane. At least I can open a window or get off the freeway at any time I choose. American Airlines runs a mile special for Mexico in October, might as well save them for use then. Could you imagine a road trip to Cancun? I’ll fly that one.
On a more serious note, the FA sent me a text yesterday (printed without his permission, of course). “Drinks and a fire on our patio Saturday night? Let me know…” To which I responded, “I’ll be ¾ the way to Arizona.” “The Renter said ½ way. Guess that’s the point she’s planning on kicking u out this time!”
As of Thursday night/Friday morning she wasn’t talking to me for some reason or another and I was quite pissed to find her smoking in the house without any windows open. Mind you we have a puppy with the lung capacity of a small whoopee cushion. Did I mention I got the good deal on the hotel because it was nonrefundable?
Wish me luck, I know I'm going to need it.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Fixing the Shower
Renter: Do they make waterproof screws for that?
And she had know idea why I was rolling on the ground laughing after she aid that.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Movie Review, "Marley & Me"
They should have named it "Puppy Dies" or "The Life of a Dog From Birth to Dirt." I balled my ass off for the last twenty minutes of the movie. And I sucker punched my friend who told me it was a good movie. Heartless dickhead.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thinking About Shit
I sat down and thought, "How did I get into this situation? What turn did I miss or when did I go left when I should have gone right? What decision did I make to leave me in this uncomfortable position?"
And then I remembered the Taco Bell run at midnight, complete with Fire sauce.
This is a daily ritual for me, sitting on the can trying to figure out which meal it was that now desperately wants out.
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Thursday, May 14, 2009
Burned Out
Is the economy that bad that people are driving around with one, two, or all three brake lights burned out? Can you think of a more dangerous but yet easily fixable predicament? My turn signal burned out the other day. I stopped at the auto store, got two bulbs for $4 and a torx bit for $5. This guy who works the number pad better than a screwdriver fixed the turn signal in five minutes in my work parking lot. If I can do it anyone can do it. Just senseless, kind of like this blog.
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