Renter, burping: "Excuse me."
Me: " What? I burp and fart all the fucking time. I don't say "excuse me." I'd be saying that every ten minutes if I was of that nature. Mr. Efficiency, I'm not wasting my breath. Not worth it. If you shit on my couch you better say 'excuse me' and get the fuck out of my house for three hours because I will kill you, but a belch?"
Renter: "But what if we need to order this for the meeting next week?"
Do I look like I'm at work? If there's a beer in my hand I'm not at work. Save it for tomorrow.
And then there's my brilliant idea.
"If I rubbed Doritoes cheese on my cock would my penis be suckable?"
Not knowing what Doritoes cheese would feel like, and with the Renter offering the 3/4 empty bag of chips to dip my penis in, I respectably declined. I mean, I've had WD40 on my cock before and that shit burned. Spicy Sweet Chili Doritoes, I don't think that would end well, even if I had lips wraped around my penis.
The average Thursday night at my house.