Thursday, June 28, 2012

Chicken Alfredo Fail #2

The Renter made chicken alfredo on Sunday.  I ate my fair share, but as you all know, my system doesn't handle dairy products very well.

Monday morning, 9:00 am.  I let one slide.  Hoping to just release a little gas I instead let out the most foul smelling fart ever, at least as far as my professional career considered.

It stunk.  I prayed no one would walk into my office.  If no one walked into my office I would be ok, at least that's what I thought.

Co-worker: Why does it smell like a fart in here?

He was 20 ft away.  My fart had drifted out of my office and hit the common area.

I, of course, took full credit for my masterpiece.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

75 degrees

My dog doesn't even know how much it's costing me to keep the house at 75 degrees.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

It's 92 Fucking Degrees

I sat outside, watching the Brewers, and the A/C was kicking on every 10 minutes, and it was set at 80 degrees.  This heat wave is kicking my ass.

Roger Clemens, Not Guilty

While Roger Clemens may have been found not guilty of lying to Congress, he's 100% guilty of sporting a seriously bad haircut.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Tiger's 75

I think I caught all of 7 strokes from Tiger Woods.  Golf, the great nap enhancer.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Last Fuck

A female friend emailed me last Friday.

FF: 4:22 on a Friday and it's gorgeous outside... realy? (along with the attached e-card)

Me: You shouldn't give that out just because it's a Friday.  Hold out for dinner and a movie at least.

FF: Oh dear god!  B to the..., sometimes I have no words for you.

I, on the other hand, will give up my last fuck (wink) on any day of the week.

Saturday, June 09, 2012


One of my peeps asked me recently, "Your deck is bigger than your living room?"  Yes, it is.

Dog Talker

My neighbor just caught me talking to my dog.  Thank goodness he didn't hear my dog talk back.  That would have been awkward.

Winnie Cooper

Did you guys hear? Winnie Cooper is back on the market!  Giddy up!

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Chicken Alfredo Fail

The Renter and I went grocery shopping on Saturday.  I picked up the meat (chicken, steak, ground beef), the Renter got 20 other things she had coupons for.

Those 20 items took 30 minutes to find.

My system doesn't do that well with dairy products, but we had had chicken alfredo two weeks prior at Maggiano's and it was damn tasty.  The Renter tried her hand at making her own on Sunday.

Monday, driving to work, I let one slide.  The Renter was driving.  Within five seconds she smelled it.  I was laughing my ass off, a fart recognition that quickly was worth it.

Until she rolled up her window.

"You're going to have to live with this, too."

Not wanting to dissapate my handywork, I kept my window closed, too.  I started gaging.  My fart was so bad I couldn't stand it.

I've never gagged off my own fart.  I have had a girlfriend puke in my lap from someone else's fart, but not my own.