Thursday, October 28, 2010

Five Day Fax?

I guess in some aspects I hold an important position at my place of employment. With the job title of Accountant I'm also what the Renter likes to call the HR Bitch. I have to make sure everyone's payroll and benefits are handled correctly. It's not that tough as long as you keep on top of it.

Recently we had an employee go to court and get full custody of his kids. This meant that he wouldn't have a sizable portion taken out of his pay check for child support. He gave me the court papers for evidence and I assumed the order from Child Support Enforcement would come shortly thereafter.

It never came.

We process our payroll on Tuesday to be paid on Friday. The Thursday before I had called CSE and they didn't have any record of the change. I called the next day and they said they saw the change and would fax it over.

I checked the fax machine every two hours on Monday but nothing showed up. I called them at 3:45 and the message said their hours of operation were from 8:00-4:30 - and that they were now closed. ???

I called back first thing Tuesday morning in order to hopefully get everything settled before I had to call the payroll in. I got a nice lady on the phone who said she saw the support had been terminated. I asked her about my fax request since I kind of wanted something a little more concrete than a verbal ok to make the change. She asked when I had asked for the fax. She then informed me the fax requests take five days to be processed.

Five. Days.

For. A. Fax.

Seriously? It's 2010 and a fax, which by nature is almost instantanious, was going to take five days. FIVE DAYS!!!

Going on her word I took the child support payment off when I called the payroll in. An hour later I got a fax that said he owed a smaller amount each pay check. I immediately called back and the payroll was already processed. We'll just double up on the next payroll, no big deal.

The next day I got a letter in the mail stating all payments were to be stopped. The letter was dated the 25th and I got it on the 27th (faster than a fucking fax, who knew!).

Oh, and every time I have to call there I have to sit through two and a half minutes of blabber before I can even choose the "employer" option.

And wait five days for a fax.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Heat Wrap Up

Chris Bosh, 8 points, 8 rebounds, $11,000 for each one. Is this what the NBA has come to? Glad I lost any real interest in it years ago.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

First Heat Game

We're going to have so much analysis of this first Heat game in the next two days it'll be insane. Mark my words.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Keep Your Pants On

I have this bad habit of dropping my pants when I'm drunk. It probably started with my 50 something year old friend baring it all on my deck. Figure if dudeKs made it this far in life, happily married, what the hell, I can do it too. So after the Packer's win against the Vikings on Sunday, loaded, my pants came off. I'm not sure if the whole cell phone camera phenominom is a good thing or not, you be the judge. For the record, I was the willing participant in this photo.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

My Worst Nightmare

There are a lot of things in life that I'm afraid of. I don't like spiders at all. When (not if) dead people start walking around and beat on my door I'll most certainly hide in a closet (thanks Halloween). I know for a fact that if I drop $1,000 on two hookers I wouldn't be able to get it up. (First, I'd have to be drunk to pay a hooker. Second, I'd have to be really drunk to spend $500 on a hooker. Third, I'd have to be really really drunk to spend $1,000 on two hookers, hence the not getting it up part.) "So, how'd it go with those two broads llast night?" "Yeah, don't want to talk about it."

But tooday, standing outside at work I felt a rumble in my stomach. I had a pizza for dinner last night and I know my body doesn't handle cheese that well, let alone all the red peppers I doused on it.

Last drag of the cig and I notice my car isn't in the parking lot. The Renter drove today. I don't have my car. I've always said the most embarrasing/easy way out of work is to shit your pants. What boss wouldn't take pitty on an employee who shit his pants? But today I didn't have my car to drive home. Even worse, the Renter was at a conference so I was really stuck at work.

I could feel my ass crack start to sweat. I know when that happens I need to find a bathroom fast. Squeezing my cheeks together I hurrried back up stairs only to find the cleaning lady in the men's room.

I had to throw my underwear away.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Can You Find $2 Million In Diamonds?

I don't see anything but Adriana Lima's supple, ample boobies. Damn those puppies are nice. Imagine those dangling in front of your face while she's on top? Just imagine... Crap, I've gotta change my shorts.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Simply the Best

I found this shirt at Old Navy for $8. If the distributors of Milwaukee's Best had witnessed the summer I had, four 30 packs purchased every Saturday morning at the grocery store on top of $1 can's at [super secret location] every Tuesday, well, I'm sure I'd have at least seven free shirts.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Jenn Sterger Not Cooperating

In the big business that is the NFL, with an aging hall of famer's reputation on the line, in his final season, is there any doubt that Jenn Sterger got paid off to not cooperate with this investigation? No doubt in my mind.

Hopefully, at the end of all this, Brett Favre at least gets a blow job for the million he probably shelled out.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

All These Left (Leafed?)

Vacation Day Chores

Doesn't sound like much of a vacation but I always like to take two or three days off in the fall for house maintanence. 9:30 and I already have the leaves taken care of (till more fall). The rest of the day will be spent sanding the good old deck down in prep for the yearly staining/waterproofing. Ya'll have fun at work. I'm feeling like I've already accomplished something, must be time for a beer.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Tough Packer Loss

This is what happens after my beloved Green Bay Packers bungle away an easy win against a sub par opponent (and cost me $160 in the process).

There also may or may not have been a picture taken with a penis on my forehead. Don't think I can/want to post that on here.

Friday, October 08, 2010


Whoever is whistling at the Phillies game can stop anytime now.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Making a Face

I looked somewhat like this on Monday while getting a flu shot.

Friday, October 01, 2010

Second Jersey Shore Post of the Week

Checking my hotmail account today (which one person asked me this week, "hotmail is still around?), and I saw an ad featurring "The Situation" from The Jersey Shore. Please, please don't tell me this yahoo is making money off this.