Sunday, February 26, 2012

Khloe and Lamar

I know the NBA had it's lockout and all, but how bad does it get that you have to be on a reality TV show where your wife's name is the first one listed?  I once got a picture frame from a girlfriend with "Shana and B to the..." inscribed on the bottom.  I threw it away. The guy's name always comes first.  That's just how it is.

Saturday, February 25, 2012


wair five years, I'll be 18.

Movie reference from...

Friday, February 24, 2012

Here Piggy, Piggy, Piggy

I bought this today.  12 pounds of ham.  It's as big as my head.  Now I just have to figure out how to cook it.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Bucks Raffle

A bar that I frequent had a drawing for suite tickets to the Bucks game last Saturday.  I got there late, 7:55 to be exact, and had one ticket in the drawing.  They pulled the winner a little after 8:00.  They pulled my ticket.  The bar went silent.  I couldn't believe it.

I'm not the biggest Bucks fan.  I've watched more NBA this year than in years past, but not really Bucks basketball.  The whole Lin thing and this thing the Heat are doing down in Miami, captivating.  But these suite tickets, free food, free beer, why wouldn't I go?

I walked to the Bradley Center after work on Monday.  I was supposed to meet my friend at 6:00.  I thought about hitting a bar by the arena but figured why, there's free beer waiting for me.  I just got my nicotine fix while I waited for him.

We got to the suite.  The Miller Lite Home Court.  They checked our coats.  They gave us bracelets with three pull tags for free beer.

My friend and I looked at each other.  It was not indeed the true sense of free beer.  In a suite.

We got there at 6:00.  6:45 I went to the bar, out of free beer tabs, and paid for beer.  $6.50 a piece.

We left after the first quarter.

We walked by the Hyatt hoping to find a cab and got one.  After splitting the cab fare and buying a pitcher each at the bar that gave us the tickets we had both gotten closer to home and secured more beer than we would have gotten at the game.

Might have been the last Bucks game I'll ever go to.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Sorry Potawatomi Casino

On Saturday I won two tickets to a Bucks game, a suite even (more on that later).  They had a raffle and I won with a single entry.

Feeling lucky, the Renter and I thought a trip to the casino, with my newfound luck, might actually pan out.  We both went to the ATM and headed East.

Somewhere on the way there I pissed the Renter off and I ended up at home.  At least I didn't lose any money at the casino.

I took the $20's from the ATM to the bank today.  On the way out I stopped by one of the customer service reps.

Me: Is there any way to change the amount available from using an ATM?

Cust Serv Lady: Typically most accounts have a $500 daily limit.

Me: Yes, I know, but can I change that?

CSL: Would you like to increase it?

Me: No, no, I'd like to take it down to about $100.

After 2-3 minutes on the computer...

CSL: You said $100?  Just sign here.

Me: Thank you, this will keep me from going to the casino when I'm drunk.  I won't go to the casino with just $100.

CSL: No,you want to keep your money.  I hope this works for you.

Feeling like I just had a five minute intervention: Thanks, I'm sure it will.

This will seriously save me at least $2,000 a year, probably more than likely $4,000.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Peed Myself

I went to a friends house, peed myself, shed my pants and underware, got new pants, and continued drinking.  I swear, my friends must love me, because who would put up with that?

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Friday Frustrations

After a rough day at work, and a 17-0 run by the Magic over the Bucks (to end the game, guess the result of that), somebody decided to take his frustrations out on his financal advisor about some rather confusing tax statements that came in the mail.  Thankfully, very aware of my situation (some would say I drink enough for three people), the FA gently put me back in my place and wished me a good night.

Words of wisdom: don't text your financial advisor with complaints (more like concerns in my case) after you've consumed X amount of beers.  I'm very fortunate that the man who handles $X,XXX,XXX amount of money for me is also a very good friend of mine.

(There might have been an extra X or two in there.)

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Wallet on Sale

If you had a wallet that you really, really like, and you found the exact same wallet in a store that had a buy one get the second half off, and you had a 30% discount meaning both new wallets would cost $25 ($12.50 a piece) would you buy them knowing full well that these two new wallets are going to sit in a drawer for five plus years?

(This is the kind of shit that will roll around in my head for hours.  Seriously, $25.  On the other hand, I have absolutely no problem spending $25 at a bar on a Saturday night.  I'd actually be lucky if that's all I'd spend.)

Wednesday, February 15, 2012


I get it, you drive a Jaguar, you have Harvard plate holders, but that doesn't mean you can drive like a dick.  I'll keep you on my radar, especially when I have the summer tires on that stick out past my fenders.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Chorus, "Happy Valentine's Day!"

Those were my 16 friends singing, and I thank each and every one of them.  Till tomorrow, my friends.  Just another day.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Digiorno Pizza

It's 9:00 and I have to wait 23 minutes till my Digiorno pizza is ready.  While I'm ready for bed right now.  7:30 am meetings wear on you.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Conference Call

I had a conference calL at work this week.  It involved myself, a co-worker, a person from outside my office who was in the neighborhood, and a governmental agency on the other end of the line.  The three people mentioned were all in the same room.

Earlier in the day the conference call phone wasn't working.  Our awesome IT guys got it up and working shortly after.  Around noon I went to the room with my cell phone to test it out.  I called the number, the phone beeped and I answered it.  Everything seemed to be working just fine.

Co-worker:  Is the conference call phone working now?

Me:  I was just down there and I called it from my cell phone and it worked.

Co-worker:  Who answered it?

Me:  I did.

Co-worker:  How did you make the call and answer it?

Me, with both hands at my ears:  I called it with my right hand and answered it with my left?

Co-worker:  Let's have [guy at work] go see if he can answer it.

Seriously, this was about answering a phone.  The guy who fixes most things in the office (me) can't be relied upon to answer a phone.

Two minutes before our conference call was suppoed to start I decided to test it out again just to be sure it was working.  The governmental agency was calling us so I wanted to make sure an incoming call would go through.  I dailed the number on my cell phone.  The conference phone rang.  I hit the answer button on the conference phone.

Me:  Hello?

My voice came back at us over the conference phone, with about a second delay.

Me:  Hello?  Wow, there's quite a delay there.

Co-worker:  B to the..., stop that, I can't hear.  Hello?

Me, sitting right next to said co-worker, with my cell phone to my head:  You do know that's just me testing it, right?


I later sent an email to the third person who was in the room:  Kind of cruel, but how many "Hello's" do you think we would have exchanged if I had continued my test call?

Third person:  You need to get on with your day, but I didlaugh out loud after reading this.

At the end of the day, I still bring it.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012


A co-worker let me borrow his Netfix DVD of "Contagion.". Good lord, life will never be the same.  With all the sick people at work and touching papers they've touched, I've gotten a little anal about washing my hands.  I was anal before, but now...


Actually, funny story (I still have some!).  While watching the movie the Renter kept insisting that I start the movie over (it starts on day 2).  I, of course, resisted, all I did was hit play.  As any good movie would, they showed day 1 at the end of the movie (hence the suspense) and I was vindicated, but still.

I have a great work/conference phone story to tell, but I'll wait till I have another job, sorry.

Hands clapping to all the people who bet on the NY Giants.  Vegas can burn for all I care.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

AM or PM?

I had another one.  7:30, dark outside, could have been morning or night.  Thankfully (or not) its night so there's still drinking time left.  Till 7:30 in the morning.

Chula Vista, Wisconsin Dells

Trying to put this into words will not do it justice.

The Renter and I took two friends to the Chula Vista resort in the Wisconsin Dells.  They had their winter/week day special going on: $100 a night for two people, all you can eat, all you can drink.  It ended up being $238 for two nights after they added on their insane hotel tax but still, $119/person for 48 hours of eating and drinking.  I think I got my money's worth six hours after check in.

The first night I had all you can eat steak with three or four green beans.  When you have all you can eat steak there really isn't a need for sides.  For breakfast the next morning I had bacon with a side of eggs.  After overindulging at the indoor water park I kind of missed lunch (travesty) but made up for it with an awesome crab leg and fish dinner.  Mind you, this whole time I was drinking, for free.  Free.

A couple of the highlights of the trip:

While standing outside having a smoke a rather older woman was standing next to me.  I politely asked how she was doing and she said she had just taken a shower and felt wet and damp.  Having eaten like a king, fuel for the fire, I said I felt a little damp since I had just shit myself - and proceeded to rip a pretty decent fart while I was standing right next to her.  She smiled, backed away from me and went back in the hotel.  My friend blew beer out of his nose.

The next night, again standing outside having a smoke, a family guy with two kids in tow asked me where the shuttle bus in front of the hotel was going.  "Titty bar."  Apparently guys in their forties with two kids get brainwashed in marriage and don't know what "titty bar" means.  "No, the shuttle, do you know where it's going?"  I put out my cigarette and walked inside.  He was a lost soul.  Meanwhile, my friend was once again shooting beer out of his nose.

When I usually go out I like to have a pitcher of beer in front of me.  That way, if my glass gets low, at least I know there's more beer right at hand and I don't have to wait for service.  But at Chula Vista, this was not an issue.  The service was phenomenal.  It seemed like I always had at least two beers in front of me (the Renter would order two and pass them over to me).  Seriously, I can't put into words how much fun the whole party had.

When I went back to work, uh, talk about depressing.  After having a Sunday, Monday, and half of Tuesday of all you can eat and drink (yes, I couldn't leave free beer on the table Tuesday morning), and then having to go back to work, it was like the dream was over.

This special goes on till the end of February.  I'll be checking for availability later today.

Friday, February 03, 2012

Pick Me Up At 9:00

9:00 became 10:00 and I walked home.  Thanks.