Monday, November 28, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
(That pink blanket is for the puppy, I swear!)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I had to run to City Hall today for work so I decided to stop at Walgreen's on my way there. Years ago I would always get the name Tylenol Cold/Flu stuff and it would clear me right up. I didn't mind paying extra for the name brand.
I couldn't find it today. Everything had the Walgreen's brand on it. So I got the congestion relieving gel caps and continued on.
Like a junkie I fought with the packaging at City Hall, right in front of the bubbler, much to the amusement of passerbyes. Nothing like fumbling with pills in a busy hallway.
But wouldn't you know it, by the time I got back to the office I could breathe! It was awesome! Three and a half hours later I was a mess. I had gone through 40 sheets of paper towels, my nose was running like a drippy faucet and there was no end in sight. It was ugly. The stacks of paper on my desk took the worst of it (besides my nose).
I looked closer at the back of the box. "Promotes sinus draining." Had they put that on the front of the box, in a font that was easily readable, I never would have bought the shit.
Friday, November 11, 2011
The last seven years of my professional life I've worked with an anti-drug enforcement agency. Seven years, a long time.
I am the accountant/HR bitch. Typically not the position that humorous people hold. I try my best to keep the office light-hearted, passing all my bad humor to my co-workers in hope that they laugh. Mind you, I'm still an accountant, little to no humor in the accounting profession.
I'm trying to break the mold.
We had a meeting this week with some graduate students who offered to help the agency and complete thier grad school thesis. As the meeting was wrapping up, someone asked how they found my agency.
Grad Student: We found your website. I'm totally into the whole drug cartel thing.
Me (after a 5 second uncomfortable pause, someone had to say something): So, are you pro or con on the whole drug cartel thing?
Obviously a sarcastic question. Right?
Grad Student: Actually, a year ago my husband and his brother were kidnapped by a cartel and left for dead in the mountains. They managed to escape and came out of it alive.
I could feel my ears burning as my attempt at humor went down faster than (insert penis erection failing story here).
Only way it could have been worse is if her husband died.
No more jokes from this guy (Jon Gruden reference).
But seriously, pro or con for drug cartels? Not a good start for any kind of joke.
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
I've worn the same two pairs of pants to work for the past two months. Tan on Mon/Wed, blue on Tues/Thurs, complimented with jeans on Friday. That is, until the tan pants lost both buttons. Only the zipper held them up.
Faced with this predicament pulled out a new pair of tan pants on Monday. They were a little tight in the waist but had the 36-34 lable stiched on. Most of my pants have the flex waist feature so I figured I could work through it.
Not these pants.
They were tighter than shit. I had to hitch my belt to the tightest option so it wasn't sagging on my waist. Pained me all day long but I still hung to my new concept of 1st/2nd (11:30/1:30) lunch. I felt bloated all day.
Tuesday I had a suit and tie meeting in the morning. I don't like wearing that stuff all day so I brought clothes to change in to after the meeting; tan pants and golf shirt. Needless to say they were the same tight ass pants that I wore on Monday. I had to deal with the same shit for yet another day.
Those pants are currently in the garbage, not dealing with that again.
Saturday, November 05, 2011
Me: Weren't you doing this last weekend? We still have leaves on the trees!
Neighbor's Dad: I knew you were going to come out and say something, especially after last week's comments. You were drunker last weekend, is there something wrong?
God my neighbors know me too well. But I'm glad they care.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
8:30 Beef stick
10:30 Chicken breast
11:00 Fun size Snickers bar
11:30 2 12oz bowls of veggie soup
1:15 2 12oz bowls of veggie soup
2:30 3 fun size Snickers bars
4:45 Chicken breast
9:00 Large supreme pan style Pizza Hut pizza
After looking over all that, hard to believe as it is, I think I spent more on food than I did on $5.50 pitchers (4) last night.