Friday, May 31, 2013

White Shorts

Ah, good golly.  I saw some broad walk up to the Mexican restaurant.  Nice, nice ass painted with some skimpy white shorts. And then I was pooping when she left two hours later.  With my luck that's pretty standard.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Stinky Feet

She thought she could smell my feet from across the room.  What she didn't know was that there was a rogue two-day-old sock perched above her head.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Gym Membership

Ted: Hey, good to see you back, Brian!

Me: Got sick of just sitting at my desk during lunch, and working out in my basement.

Ted: There isn't much scenery this time of year with the college kids being off for the summer but...

The two girls at the desk gave me the pervy old man look as I gave them my locker key.

Good Lord.

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Big Bad Brian is Back!

After a three year absence, I decided to go ahead and sign up for the gym membership again.  Their rate for the summer break was $80; can't really go wrong spending that for a three month membership.


The pros and cons of joining the gym:




1. Able to do pull-ups/chin-ups with weights other than 230 lbs.

2. Access to dumbbells other than 25, 30, 45, 50, 65, 70, and 90 lbs.

3. Use of real, sturdy equipment.

4. Able to do seated rows instead of actual bent over rows (back killer).

5. Spend 45 minutes instead of the 30 minute hurry up job at home.

6. Work out during lunch instead of using 30 minutes of free time at home.

7. Use of cables instead of just gravity affected weights.

8. Usually there's college age "scenery" (that sounds bad as I just turned 36, but…).




1. $80

2. The "Brian" effect.


Years back I went to this gym every day during the week.  Being a social able gym (people rarely wear headphones), I got to know quite a few of the older crowd who would work out there.  And they got to know me – as Brian, which is not my real name.  I didn't really think much of it until one day when I walked into the gym and heard this booming voice, "Hey, it's Big Bad Brian!  Now it's a party!"  Well, the legend grew after that.  "Brian" stuck around for the longest time, until one woman took me to the hallway and whispered, "Didn't you say your name was B to the…?"  Hoping that she had directed me to the hallway and put her hand on my shoulder for a different reason, I admitted to the confusion in the name.  I just hadn't felt like correcting people since this had gone on for so long.  Then I had people calling me Brian and B to the…


When I filled out the paperwork at the front desk I saw three people who recognized me from three years ago.  One said, "Hey, stranger" and another said, "It's been a while."  I wonder if they were thinking, "Is his name Brian or…"

Saturday, May 04, 2013

May the 4th be with you

Gonna need it after this...

(Sorry, but after realizing how big my butt really looks I had to take that picture down.)

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Leinenkugel's Lemon Berry Shandy

I picked up a six-pack of Leinenkugel's Lemon Berry Shandy last weekend.  While I'm not a huge fan of fruity flavored beer, or $7 six-packs, this beer was quite tasty and refreshing.

Not to be confused with the Leiny's Summer Shandy, that shit is terrible.