Friday, June 25, 2010

NBA Draft

What was with the people behind the draft board manually placing plaques that read "D. Cousins" like they do on the Fenway Park score board (which was built in 1912)? I waited with great anticipation for each pick with the hope of seeing a finger. It's 2010! Make a call to Vegas next year, they'll get it set up right.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

End of an Era

It’s going on week #2 since my corner bar has closed. It still hasn’t really hit me yet, hence a week and a half before I could come up with a meaningful post about it. During the summers I typically spend a lot of time outside on the deck. In years past, in the fall when I’d start going to the bar again, everyone would great me with “Welcome back!” or “You’re still alive?” or “Can’t find your way home again?” In nice weather I like to let the puppy get some fresh air while I enjoy a number of $.44 cans of Milwaukee’s Best Light. I might hit the bar for a bit to play some pool or what have you, but most of the time I’ll just chill at home. Now that I don’t have the option to go to the bar, well, it kind of sucks.

The good thing is I still get to see all my friends. My house has become Corner Bar #2 since it closed. In anticipation of this I spent $950 on new outside chairs and tables for people to sit on. With a classic reference to “If you build it, they will come,” I’ve had numerous nights when all ten stationary seats were occupied with only the canvas fold-up ones not being used. People bring their choice of beer over and I keep it cold for them. I currently have Budweiser, Miller High Life, Miller Lite, Spaten and Milwaukee’s Best Light in my fridge.

Much like the bar setting, I don’t get a phone call or text regarding the evening activities; people just show up. For some reason this is perfectly ok with me. As long as people don’t show up when I’m lifting weights or if I have an evening project to do everyone is always invited. If people bring food over I’ll gladly grill it for them. (Side note: I really don’t like it when my phone makes noise. I frown every time my phone rings. Even worse when I get a text that might need to be replied to. For me, my phone is used for posting to this blog, checking who’s pitching tonight and for porn. Speaking of which, I need to get some new material on there soon. Now I know what I’m doing tonight after I post this.)

But when it rains, man, it really sucks. I don’t like to smoke in the house. I don’t like to drink in the house if I’m not going to smoke, too. So when it rains I’m pretty much screwed. Last Friday the Renter was nice enough to drive to Steve’s on Bluemound (S.O.B.’s) when it was raining but after July 5th that won’t be a solution either (Wisconsin bars go smoke free). What else can we put into law that will fuck with my lifestyle, make masturbation illegal?

(Governor Doyle, don’t even think about it!)


Is it weird that I just paid an extra $87.72 on my mortgage to make the balance a nice round figure ending in $100.00? Do normal people keep track of every payment/ending balance on an Excel spreadsheet? I swear, one of these days one of my anal quirks is going to land me in the psyche ward.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Social Networking

I’ll admit it; I’m not all that hip when it comes to the whole social networking thing. I remember back when Myspace first came out. I went on the site a couple times, set up my own page and everything, but when I saw other people’s pages and the extent they went to jazz it up and all, I just wasn’t up to that kind of a commitment. Yet I spend hours and hours putting stuff on this site, go figure. The Myspace page might have lasted a month.

I’m not really web site savvy as in putting up cool banners or other interactive things. This horrible, horrible blog hasn’t changed its look since the beginning of time, whenever that sad, sad day was. I could probably dig around on the interwebs and figure out how to do some new stuff but I just don’t have the motivation for it. Also, I rarely actually log on to the website; most of my posts come straight from my cell phone.

I have never been on the Facebook website. After what happened with my Myspace experience I figured why bother. I don’t even know if Facebook is anything like Myspace or not, the concept still freaks me out a little. Do you have Facebook “friends”? If so, just another reason to not go on the site. I wouldn’t have many. I have two friends who don’t use computers (like ever) and other friends who I assume are too old to give a shit about social networking. Those types pick up the phone and make a call if they want to get in touch. Some I’m afraid to text them since that technology just came out ten years ago.

I’ve been on a couple Twitter pages but I find them hard to read. Most posts have a lot of #’s and @’s and other crazy symbols which I have yet to decipher. I couldn’t even tell you who the tweet came from, the page owner or someone else. I don’t even know if that’s possible. Anyone? Anyone?

On Wednesday’s they have a farmer’s market just down the street from my office. I’ve gone there a couple times in the past but I don’t really have a need for fresh produce or some pretty flowers. Years back I went three times during one lunch as they were handing out free ice cream. That was back when I liked ice cream. (Who doesn’t like ice cream? ME!)

Today’s cover photo on the Milwaukee Journal/Sentinel showed two women looking at flowers at the before mentioned farmers market. They looked cute, thin, sexy even. The caption on the photo had their first and last names. Now, you know I’ve gone on Yahoo! Personals in the past and checked out every hottie from numerous cities around the US, but having these women’s first and last names and doing a search (stalk) on them just didn’t seem quite right.

I dove in head first.

The first site that came up was a Linkedln site which listed all of “Gail’s” work and school history. Further down on the page there was a link that said “My website.” After clicking on that it brought up Gail’s rather plain looking website. Don’t get me wrong, it’s ten times better than this one here, but I’m looking for boobies and Gail wasn’t showing any.

Back to the Linkedln site I found another link for Gail’s Twitter account. On there it said she has 215 following and 346 followers – guessing that’s a lot? Youngsters these days use all kinds of abbreviations which leave me totally flabbergasted (<3 = love?) so I didn’t stay on there for too long. I found a list of “following” people, clicked on a cute face and low-and-behold it was the other girl in the picture! Karla didn’t look like much in the photo but she cleaned up well for pictures on her website. I flipped through her site, read about her trip to the farmer’s market, clicked on “about me” and noticed a “comments” link in the upper right corner. Hmmm, do I really dare send her a message? “Fame (and fortune?) for checking out the flowers at the farmers market? If only I had known that’s where all the hot chicks hang out…”

That isn’t stalkerish, is it?

I hit the “post comment” button. It posted. Not to her post about the farmer’s market, but to the “about me” page.

I don’t think I’m using this social networking thing the way it was meant to be used.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Ankle Bracelet

Getting breakfast:

Cafe Lady: So, do you get out of the office much with this nice weather?

Me: No, they pretty much have me locked down, ankle bracelet and all.

Cafe Lady: You have an ankle bracelet?

Me: I figured if Lindsay Lohan has one...

The FA and I were told our humor isn't that funny anymore. Case in point.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Pimp My Ride?

I'm sorry, but if you look like this and drive a pimped out Olds Delta 88 with 24" rims you should NOT be stopping at a liquor store on 51st and Hampton. That's a recipe for disaster. See Vincent Cort, 6/12/2010.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Just When You Think Everything's Peachy...

Life for B to the... was going just great for a number of months. Not that it's bad now, but there have been a couple speed bumps.

I was on track weight lifting wise. After getting the flu three times over the winter I was back in a groove and making progress. I was back to playing with the 90 lb dumbbells on a regular basis. And then...

Saturday night I didn't go to bed. I went to the bar for a little and returned home to watch movies out on the deck. A couple of my service industry friends came over at 2:00 am and before we knew it the sun was coming up. Pe-a-chy.

I only go shopping when I'm buzzed. Sunday morning, after staying up all night drinking, I was more than buzzed. The Renter drove a friend and I to Home Depot where I bought four new deck chairs, two end tables, a propane heater and a gazebo. A $300 10'x12' gazebo for the deck. Not sure what I was thinking.

Somehow we got everything home in one trip with the gazebo and heater on the Renter's roof and the chairs/end tables in the back. My friend somehow managed to wedge himself alongside the chairs in the back to where his legs were over the wheel wells and his head/torso around the second row windows. I don't know how he squeezed in there. I certainly wouldn't have fit. As it was I had my knees up to my chin in the front seat.

Once we got everything home we started to put the gazebo together. It was big. It was permanent. It took us four hours to put it up, all after having no sleep. And then, disaster.

The Renter wanted me to go downstairs for something. I made it down halfway. Then my foot slipped. I fell square on my back with all my weight. I layed (laid?) on the stairs for a good five minutes before I could move. My move was to lie face down on the basement floor for another five minutes. Today, Thursday, I'm still sore as hell. Guess it could have been worse though. I called the FA and made sure all my accounts have my sister as the beneficiary, scared me that much.

So there goes the workouts for the week. Instead of doing bench presses I did pushups. Back exercises were out of the question. 25 lb shoulder presses were as much as I wanted to test my back. Pretty much back to square one next week. Sucks vagina.

Monday I took the gazebo down myself and took it back to Home Depot. It was cool, especially in inclement weather, but it was too permanent and took too long to put up/take down. I took the propane heater back, too. The only reason I bought it was because my friend and I were looking at it, questioning how much it would cost and when we found out it was only $250 I tossed it on the cart. It looked cool, stood over seven feet tall, but I have the fire pit to warm things up. Another reason the gazebo had to go, couldn't use the fire pit with it on the deck.

Instead I picked up another two chairs and an end table. My corner bar was bought out and is closing in less than a week. I'm not going to say I have a lot of friends but I have a lot of acquaintances that stop over from time to time. With the bar closing, especially in the summer time, my house is going to be Ground Zero (no offense to people in NY). I don't invite people, they just know they're always welcome, especially when I house their beer for them. My fridge is stacked. So I needed a little extra seating outside. That fact hit me last Friday when people came over with wings, fries and onion wings and the guy who cooked everything ended up on a folding canvas chair. Now I'm set, seating for everyone.

But it still set me back $1,000. Sure, I can afford it, but after sending the FA (an undisclosed dollar amount) in April and one of my (another undisclosed dollar amount) credit card balance transfers promotional rate ending which I paid off I'm a little lighter in the pocket book than I'm comfortable with. I'll build it back up, especially with the bar being closed and buying 30-packs of Milwaukee's Best for $11 with coupons that I seem to get every time I go to the grocery store, but in the meantime I'm going to be cheaper than usual. I don't know if that's even possible.

Set back in workouts, set back in the pocket book, time to hanker down.

And then there's the mortgage. The statements I get always say add $45 if the payment is made after the 15th. I decided to take advantage of this. My next check is on 6/11 so I thought I could make the payment on the 11th without a penalty. Not the case. They charged me $3 for making the payment after the 1st. Last time that will happen. Fuckers. Bank of America, lick my ass. Put the terms on the statement, assholes. So now I'll essentially be making two payments this month, 10% over the actuall payment of course.

Life will go on. I'll live to whack off another day. My penis will be happy.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

"Duh" of the Day

Amare Stoudemire, when asked if he would be a Phoenix Sun if he was offered a maximum deal, "There's a very great chance of that." ??? I don't know if he has kids to feed but...

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Bar Bathroom

I had friends over on Friday who brought over a deep frier and chicken wings. Today, Saturday, those same friends complained about how bad the bar bathroom smells. Can't help but take credit for that.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Memorial Day Weekend, 2010

What I did Memorial Day weekend: (note - this list is much, much shorter than it should be due to extreme amounts of “pah-tee-in”)

I washed and waxed my car – but didn’t remember doing it till I drove to work on Tuesday.

Friday – remember seeing two friends who were squinty-eyed drunk. That’s it.

I won some amount of money over $200 at the casino.

I spent some amount of money over $200 on food and beer.

I had coupons for $3.50 off the beer!

Standing in line at Pick N Save with 11 cases of beer, guy next to me invited himself over to my house.

I can’t differentiate who stopped over on Saturday or Sunday or what took place on which night.

There might have been some BB-gun-to glass-bottle-action in my back yard.

I’m told I stayed up till 4:00 a.m. one of those nights.

Two ex-military type guys paid for all my beer on Memorial Day (shouldn’t it be the other way around?).

I was pissed my new neighbor had a party and his people were louder than mine. He had chicks, too. (I actually encouraged my peeps to make more noise.)

I made burgers for anyone who stopped over.

I played a game of pool, and won, of which I have no recollection.

I got tanner than one of those Jersey guido types sitting outside all weekend.

All that and somehow I managed to NOT pee myself.

The recycling guy can’t come soon enough. I have bottles and cans everywhere.