Saturday, July 28, 2012

Sat Night

Anyone else want to enjoy a 30-pack and the movie "Goonies."

She Was Hot!

I usually have my front door open.  It helps with the air flow.  But tonight, after Puppy saw a dog on the sidewalk, "Good girl, Puppy, she's a hottie."

Meaning the woman walking the dog.

She stopped, walked back four feet and looked at me, through my front door, with a scowl.  

I guess she didn't like my comment.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Check on the Fridge

Text from the Renter.  Had me freaking out, like my beer was warm or something.

No, she put her car payment check on the fridge.

Trying to give me a heart attack?

Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Open

I watched 11 hours of The Open on Friday (and yes, that was 3:00 am to 2:00 pm Central time).  I caught five hours on Saturday and most of Sunday.

My heart was racing as Adam Scott faultered at the end.  I felt so bad for the guy.  To put it lightly, he took a shit over the last four holes.

I, on my ninth day off from work, did the same.  I'm surprised I didn't shit myself on any of the previous eight days.  What I thought would be a clean fart ended up quite juicey.  I had to throw the underwear away.  It was bad.

I'm surprised my dog still sleeps in the same bed with me.

Saturday, July 21, 2012


At 8:45, I'd be in bed right now, but Puppy is still working on a rawhide I gave her.  The things I do for my dog.  She better be ready for the early Sunday wakeup for the British Open.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Mom Getting In Touch

"Your mom really knows when to call you.  After you've been drinking, you talk to her for a long time."

I talked to my mom last night?

Saturday, July 14, 2012

That's a Spicy Taco

In the restroom with the highest ranking person from the adjacent agency.

I walk in.

"Hi, how's it going?"

"Not too shabby, but then again, Friday's are always good."

"After all my years working I would have to agree with you."

[walking into stall] "I, uh, I had some spicy tacos last night..." [voice trailing off]

Squeak, ffffffftttttt, bawababawababawa.


I might never be able to look him in the eye again.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Corner Bar

As much as I lament the corner bar closing down and becoming a rather expensive Mexican eatery, combined with my new found passion for NOT going to the casino, I have more cash in my account than ever.  I'm loaded, bitches.  Well, as loaded as a middle class person with a 20 beer/night affection can be.  If you love something, make sure it will be there for you.

Still have to kick the bucket before Puppy...

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Cole Hamels Pulls the String

Watching the MLB All Star Game, and I know Cole Hamels didn't throw a fast ball, so was that a reference to a feminine product?

Friday, July 06, 2012

Lawn Watering

Christ, I waited till 9:00 to water my lawn, now I'll be up till 10:30 because I can't leave a job half done.  Thank goodness I don't have a huge lot.