Thursday, January 31, 2013

Chul Vista

Last weekend I stayed at a hotel/resort in the Wisconsin Dells called Chula Vista.  You may have read about it on here before, I tend to go there twice a year.  They have a winter special where you can have two people stay in a room for two nights for $200, $264 once they add on their crazy hotel tax.  A hundred bucks a night isn't a crazy deal for a hotel in the waterpark capital of the Midwest in the middle of winter, but when they add in the all-you-can-eat and all-you-can-drink stipulation, well, it's a downright steal.


Anyway, you can just imagine the fun that I have there, so much fun that a number of the servers and bartenders remembered me from the last trip in November.  I rarely even had to ask for a beverage before two were placed in front of me.


That being said, I don't remember much of the trip.  The one "high light" that still sticks in my head is me walking/stumbling back to the room, two beers in hand, a couple asking if I was ok, me passing them, looking to my left as I mumbled something unintelligible, and smashing my right hand beer into a wall, completely crushing the plastic cup, all the while not getting a single drop on myself.  I didn't even look back.  I knew what it was going to look like.  I put my head down and hurried back to the room where I found that in my haste I had spilled half of my second beer.  Talk about a glass half full (plus one full empty).

Friday, January 25, 2013

Carl Pavano

Carl Pavano made $8.5 mil last year and he ruptured his spleen shoveling snow in Vermont?  I know I'm cheap, never got my snowblower fixed after it broke down two years ago, but I'm pretty sure I didn't make $8.5 mil last year.  But then again I don't rely on my arm to earn a paycheck.  Just my intellect, go figure.


There comes a point in every night when people don't reply to your texts either due to them not wanting to reply, as in you've offended them, or they've gone to bed.  It's 9:00 and people have stopped replying.  I get the point.

Thursday, January 24, 2013


Ever since high school, if there was a bug going around, I would get it two weeks before everyone else.  Having my spleen removed later in life further ensured that any common cold that went around, I got it first.  I was used to this, came to take it for granted.

Two weeks ago at least a quarter of my co-workers were sick, as was the roommate.  I used this as a little excuse for myself; I had six beers a night, relying on what may be a myth that alcohol kills germs.  Surprisingly, I didn't get sick.

Until Monday, Martin Luther King Day.  It started as a scratchy throat.  By Tuesday I realized something was brewing down there and I stayed home from work.  When I got winded getting up to make a can of soup I knew I made the right decision to stay home. I felt better on Wednesday and went to work.

Almost immediately my nose opened up.  When my boss arrived in the morning I was blowing my breakfast out my nose.  And it only got worse after that.  By the time I got home my nose was red and raw from wiping snot all day.

Here it is Thursday, I'm sitting at home once again with snot covering my sweatshirt.  It's quite nasty, even with my lax standards.  Thankfully I have an understanding boss.  I'm kind of surprised she didn't get on my case for going to work yesterday.

I hope by Friday, day five, this whole thing will be past me.  Typically, even though I usually get the cold before everyone else, I tend to have a quicker turn around time to getting back to healthy.  Let's just hope that's the case this time.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Holiday Party/That Guy

We had our holiday party yesterday.  It started with bowling at 4:00 and then a bar with a shit load of fried food afterwards.  I ate a ton and drank even more.  And then some.  I ended up talking with the Executive Director of (confidential) for way too long.  Even had the audacity to rub it in his face (gentle ribbing) when I beat him in the shuffle board game.  Sadly, that is about all I remember of the night.  I was talking to everyone, hopefully not making an ass of myself, even walked a mile home at the end of the night, but that time with the big wig, I just hope I didn't say anything stupid.

Although I'm sure I did.

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Ass Crotch

I have found that when you wear the same sweatpants to both lift weights in and sleep in, four days out of the week, towards the end they start to smell a little like ass.  Or is it crotch?  I don't know, they're two inches apart and I can't get my head down there to decipher which is overpowering the other.

Friday, January 04, 2013

Saturday Breakfast

Friend: Join me at [establishment] for breakfast?

I just had dinner, if you would call it that, eight scrambled eggs and I'm full.  Could do the same for breakfast tomorrow at the cost of $1.

Did I mention that I'm a cheap bastard?

Thursday, January 03, 2013

The Last Fart

Some of us know the physical makeup of a fart, might have it down to a science, if you may.  The rule is you can only fart so many times before the origin of the fart rears its ugly head.  And when it rears its head, well, you better hope you're sitting over a toilet when it happens.  Or at least be in the comfort of your own home.

I forgot to poop at work today.  That doesn't happen too often, I like to use company resources for such events.  And with the cafeteria food they serve there, most days it's really not an option.  When you gotta go...

Today it slipped my mind.  I pooped at home before I lifted weights.  But then the farts came, more than likely brought on by the cafeteria food.  First it was one, then two, then ten.  Eventually I knew I couldn't fart anymore without the source of the gas making an appearance, but I had already pooped at home once, couldn't waste my own resources for yet another one.

Much better to shit myself the next morning and wake up with this soggy yet somewhat crunchy feeling in my shorts.

No wonder why my dog wants to roll in my lap.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Work Shoes

I haven't put these on for eleven days, but I'm kind of actually looking forward to getting reaquainted with them.  My alarm clock, on the other hand, can go to hell.