Friday, February 27, 2009
Sex wedge (if you don't know what this is for, you need to get laid more often, ahem): http://www.therightposition.com/
Halls commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZfaDXIzwcQ
Really? I would not want to be compared to that woman. That's kinda harsh.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
And half the time I'm at home I have my hand down my pants. Go figure.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Renter: What was he carrying?
The following conversation was something straight out of grade school. I told her it was a sex wedge. She persistently asked me what it was for. I refused. She quit talking to me. I said, “Oh, double bonus!” which made her even more mad. I went to work.
How do you explain what a sex wedge is used for to a 34-year-old woman? Women must not read the right kind of magazines.
(Oh, and has anyone seen the new Halls commercials on ESPN? No lying, I get text messages and phone calls from friends when that one comes on because of the resemblance to the Renter. Way too funny.)
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Gov. Jim Doyle's proposed budget: $1.4 billion in tax increases. The tax increases include: $540 million paid from oil company profits; $318 million by creating a new 7.75% tax rate for the richest 1% of taxpayers; $290 million in higher taxes on cigarette smokers; $215 million in higher corporate income taxes; and more than $85 million paid on capital gains.
"My budget stands up for the people who earn regular paychecks and the people who, through no fault of their own, have lost theirs," Doyle said.
I know I'm a bit conservative being from the Midwest and all, and I'm a smoker, but why hit all the "people who earn regular paychecks" with an additional $.75 a pack tax when you could hit up the highest 2.5% of taxpayers with his new 7.75% tax rate? I mean Christ, the $400 that Obama is sending me is going straight to the state of Wisconsin. And now New York wants to put a sales tax on porn downloads? Stimulus package? Stimulate this, mother fuckers! [picture of me holding my nine inch cock in my hands with a very menacing scowl on my face]
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Friday, February 13, 2009
But this will change soon, my friends. You see, I have this little scheme up my sleeve that’s going to be worth a boat load of money. You know how when you get married you aren’t supposed to have sex with anyone but your spouse? My plan, while still in the making, revolves around having sex with married people and then milking them for some hush money. I used to be very good with the ladies. All it took was some effort and a lot of lies. The best thing was it didn’t take me long to get their clothes off. So, in this new business proposal I’m guessing I could “sign up” two new clients every week. Just think, after six months of hard work I could have 48 clients. At least one of those bitches would have cash at any given moment so her husband wouldn’t find out that she had the best sex of her life with me. Best ever!
After I get that all established and I’m making enough to live within my means, then its time for stage two of the plan. (I love it when a plan comes together! – Hannibal Smith, The A-Team) Some people might hire an accomplice, a woman, who would work in coordination with your efforts: she sleeps with the husband while I sleep with the wife and collect money from both of them. But when you think of it, how hard is it to hide payments from your spouse? And now you want both of them to do it? Besides, the well would dry up pretty quickly if that were to happen. So, I ask you, what could be worse? What could bring in the real payday? Are you ready? I’m not sure I am. How about the wife coming home from work, getting the mail, and finding pictures of her husband all wide-eyed as he’s doing me in the butt? Do you know how much that client would be willing to pay? Well, it better be a lot just for my pain and agony. [Sitting on the beach with a rum and Coke, stranger leans over] “So, what do you do for a living?” “I’m just a business man. You know how that goes, you screw some people over and sometimes you get fucked, too.”
Maybe I’ll just stick to the women part.
While my whole plan is almost certainly 99% illegal and the gas expense it would cost me to drive out to where the rich women live would be substantial, there is one plausible concept within all this: doing married women. Oh yes, married women are the best! Married women just want to fuck. They don’t want you to pick up their kids from school or get groceries or buy them shit. No, they just want what their husbands won’t give them: a good poking. Trust me on this one. I have first hand experience. That’s the lesson for the day. Class dismissed.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. I have noticed that he does not use a washcloth when he showers. When he stays the night and takes a shower in the morning, I give him a washcloth, but after he’s dressed I notice he has not used the washcloth. As a result, I think he does not wash his backside very well and I smell him. When he sits on the couch an odor is left behind, and as he stands I catch a strong whiff. How do I tell a grown man to wash his backside?
A. I am not sure the washcloth is the issue. There are many ways of washing well, washcloth or no washcloth. Your boyfriend could start using a washcloth and it might not change a thing.
People have definite ideas about the way one should clean one’s self. It is often something they grew up with and they assume everybody else does it — or should do it — the same way.
In the coming together of couples, many find that their partner’s hygiene rituals are peculiar or even off-putting.
But here, the issue is more that you are smelling an offensive odor. People have great differences in the sensitivity of their noses. Some prefer for their partners to be nearly aseptic, while others don’t care, or even notice, if their partner smells ripe. Also, some people quite like smelling their own body odor.
As you know, olfaction is a huge factor in attraction. It is helpful, and even necessary, to like your partner’s smell.
Then again, your situation sounds extreme. You are talking about more than body odor. It may be that your boyfriend is truly unaware of his bad hygiene habits. It’s hard to be attracted to someone who is unhygienic and who even has fecal material on him.
I don’t know what the truth is — whether you are especially fastidious or he is truly smelly. But, in terms of making this relationship work, that doesn’t matter. You must address this. Otherwise, you will become increasingly repelled, he will feel increasingly rejected and that will be the end of that.
This topic is tough, but a resolution is necessary. If this persists as an issue for you, you will be put off and won’t last as a couple. Nor will you succeed as a couple if you can’t talk about difficult things.
Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: An indelicate hygiene problem with one’s partner will cause a breakup if it is left unaddressed.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
FA's wife still hasn't refuted the claim about his small member. Maybe there's nothing to refute?