Business Proposal

You know when you go to sleep and your brain just keeps on whizzing along, thinking of shit like work or your family or when’s the next time you’re going to get laid? Lately I’ve had work on my mind. I don’t know if it’s because of all the shit that’s going on in the world or what have you but I never used to think about work at home. I’d punch out at 5:00 and look forward to the evening without giving a rat’s ass about what I was working on 30 minutes ago. I liked that. But now, shit, its either this report needs to go out or I need to set up a meeting with this person – the list seems never ending. That’s what I think about as I fall asleep. When I wake up its like I never even left the office.

But this will change soon, my friends. You see, I have this little scheme up my sleeve that’s going to be worth a boat load of money. You know how when you get married you aren’t supposed to have sex with anyone but your spouse? My plan, while still in the making, revolves around having sex with married people and then milking them for some hush money. I used to be very good with the ladies. All it took was some effort and a lot of lies. The best thing was it didn’t take me long to get their clothes off. So, in this new business proposal I’m guessing I could “sign up” two new clients every week. Just think, after six months of hard work I could have 48 clients. At least one of those bitches would have cash at any given moment so her husband wouldn’t find out that she had the best sex of her life with me. Best ever!

After I get that all established and I’m making enough to live within my means, then its time for stage two of the plan. (I love it when a plan comes together! – Hannibal Smith, The A-Team) Some people might hire an accomplice, a woman, who would work in coordination with your efforts: she sleeps with the husband while I sleep with the wife and collect money from both of them. But when you think of it, how hard is it to hide payments from your spouse? And now you want both of them to do it? Besides, the well would dry up pretty quickly if that were to happen. So, I ask you, what could be worse? What could bring in the real payday? Are you ready? I’m not sure I am. How about the wife coming home from work, getting the mail, and finding pictures of her husband all wide-eyed as he’s doing me in the butt? Do you know how much that client would be willing to pay? Well, it better be a lot just for my pain and agony. [Sitting on the beach with a rum and Coke, stranger leans over] “So, what do you do for a living?” “I’m just a business man. You know how that goes, you screw some people over and sometimes you get fucked, too.”

Maybe I’ll just stick to the women part.

While my whole plan is almost certainly 99% illegal and the gas expense it would cost me to drive out to where the rich women live would be substantial, there is one plausible concept within all this: doing married women. Oh yes, married women are the best! Married women just want to fuck. They don’t want you to pick up their kids from school or get groceries or buy them shit. No, they just want what their husbands won’t give them: a good poking. Trust me on this one. I have first hand experience. That’s the lesson for the day. Class dismissed.