Sex Wedge

Over the weekend I rented Burn After Reading, that supposedly funny movie with Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and John Malkovich. I’ll agree it wasn’t a bad movie, if you have the right sense of humor, which I have, but it wasn’t all that great by any means. The funniest part for me was when Clooney broke it off with Malkovich’s ex-wife. The picture showed him going up stairs and then it switched to her with her eyes following the sound of his footsteps as he walked down the hall to the bedroom and back. Then you saw him going back down the steps with the sex wedge in hand. Cracked me the fuck up! Want to know what made it even more funny?

Renter: What was he carrying?

The following conversation was something straight out of grade school. I told her it was a sex wedge. She persistently asked me what it was for. I refused. She quit talking to me. I said, “Oh, double bonus!” which made her even more mad. I went to work.

How do you explain what a sex wedge is used for to a 34-year-old woman? Women must not read the right kind of magazines.

(Oh, and has anyone seen the new Halls commercials on ESPN? No lying, I get text messages and phone calls from friends when that one comes on because of the resemblance to the Renter. Way too funny.)