Selling on Ebay

I goated the Roommate to list my shoes on Ebay.  These went for $120 plus shipping.  

Making Macaroni

Appearantly macaroni expands when you cook it.  What started with the pot an eighth full turned into an overflowing pot of noodles.  It all worked out in the end, I had noodles to mix with the Roommate's chili.  It makes the food that she cooked last longer (so I don't get yelled at for eating it too fast).

Election, Phone Calls, RNC, I've Had It

I enailed the RNC/GOP today after I received the third recorded call from them this week.

"I was going to vote for Roney but if I get one more recorded call from your campaign during my lunch hour I will vote for The Socialist.  If anyone actually reads this, get back to me and I'll give you the number to be taken off the list."

11 days before the election, I'm bound to get yet another recorded call, if not more than one.  I don't think I can live up to my threat, though.

Megatron

The Detroit Lions played against the Chicago Bears on Monday Night Football.  As you may know, one of the best wide receivers in the National Football League is Calvin Johnson, who plays for the Lions and carries the nickname "Megatron."

Watching football with women is a bit painful.

Roommate: Why do they call him Megaton?

Me: He's tall, probably 6'5", he weighs a good 240 lbs, so he's pretty big as far as wide receivers go.

Roommate: But why Megatron?  Is he a Transformer or something?

Me: I don't know, probably just a nickname his teammates gave him.

Roommate: That's stupid.  "I'm Megatron!  Decepticons, roll out!"

Me: Technically, I think that's Optimus Prime who says "roll out."

Roommate: He plays for the Lions, right?  Why didn't they name him Voltron?  At least those were lions.  "Red lion, blue lion, yellow lion…"

Me: I don't think these guys were around in the 80's when Voltron was on TV.  (Calvin was born in 1985)

Later…

Jon Gruden: That pass right there, that should have been a catch by Megatron over the middle.

Roommate: MEGATRON!!!  ARRRROOOOYAAAAAHHHHH!!! (stretching her arms out in some form of Beast Mode).

Jon Gruden: This Detroit Lions team can't beat the Bears when Megatron doesn't catch a pass in the entire first half.

Roommate: MEGATRON!!!  ARRRROOOOYAAAAAHHHHH!!! (stretching her arms out in some form of Beast Mode).

I don't think this would be tolerable even if I was drinking.

Then there's this one:

Roommate: Could the Broncos and the Giants potentially meet in the Super Bowl?

Me: Possibly.

Roommate: Who do you think Archie Manning would root for, Eli who already has two rings or Peyton who has one and was out all of last year?

I guarantee you Archie Manning's name comes up in my house more than in 98% of the population.

Last Week I Had an Epiphany

Last week I had an epiphany.  Not all on my own, mind you, there may have been some outside sources influencing my decision, but it was a good decision.

I was not going to drink during the week.

Now, for those of you who aren't familiar with the situation, I tend to drink a bit pretty much every day.  I say a "bit" because, just like with my homemade cigarettes that cost me $1.00 a pack to make, I don't keep track of how much I smoke or how many $.44 beers I consume.  If I drink ten it costs me $4.40, if I drink 20 it costs me $8.80.  $10 a day for beer won't break my budget.  You might make a case that while $10 is nominal, consuming 20 beers is not.  Point taken.

On Friday, October 12^th, I decided I wasn't going to go to the store and buy the usual 8-10 30-packs of beer like I would normally on a pay day.  Instead, I counted the beers in the fridge (40 plus) and made up my mind that that was all I was going to have for the weekend.  After that, no more until the next weekend.

I stayed up till 4:00 am on Sunday finishing off the last of the beer.  I knew the Green Bay Packers were playing on Sunday Night Football and I didn't want any beers lying around to tempt me during the game.  This worked out pretty well as after staying up that late I didn't really even feel like drinking any more that weekend.

Then came the week days.

Surprisingly I wasn't hankering for a beer like I thought I might be.  In retrospect, no one really "hankers" for a Milwaukee's Best Light, but more for the after effects.  I picked up some decaf coffee which satisfied my oral fixation.  Drinking two pots of regular coffee at work and another two cups of decaf at home didn't do wonders for my teeth, but I'm still working on other alternatives.  I felt relatively normal from 5:30 till I went to bed at 10:30.

The dreams I had got to me, though.  In one, I was forced into a fight club in which there were five teams of ten, one team which was the "home" team who basically killed the other four teams.  Not just beat up the weaker teams, but killed them.  I did a lot of running in that dream.  Another was a cross country ski competition with people I went to high school with, except there wasn't any snow, just dry city streets that we were racing on.  Thursday night was the first night I couldn't vividly remember what I had dreamed about.

My work days, while not as odd as my nights, had their own character to them.  Strangely, I still felt somewhat out of it in the mornings, almost like I had been drinking the night before.  Knowing full well that I hadn't, I came to the conclusion that my body was letting me know that there was something missing, like I had a negative value for a blood/alcohol content.  I found myself saying stuff doing stuff and afterwards thinking that the ship was listing to the opposite side that it used to.  But once again, by Friday this seemed to even out and everything seemed to be floating properly.

Even with all this going on, I thought it would be worse than it actually was.  I'm not saying this like I conquered any alcohol related problems that I might have, but for five days I did.  That was my goal, five days.

On Friday I picked up a 30-pack and had it like usual.  On Saturday, after mowing the lawn and changing the oil in the Jeep I went out and bought another 30-pack with my eye on the noon Packer game.  I knew I'd still be a bit fragile and didn't want to run out during the game, so the second 30-pack just gave me a little security, a blanky if you will.  The game ended at 3:00 and the Roommate and I went out to eat.  Upon our return I drank again from 4:00-6:00 and made myself a pot of the decaf coffee.  Those should be my last beers until Friday at 5:30.  While I still have a few left from the second 30-pack, I don't feel any temptation to open one.  The thing is, I don't think I'd be able to open just one.

It's kind of nice to have a new challenge in my life and a rather big challenge at that.  On the plus side, I've saved $100 and in one week alone I cut down my caloric intake by 10,000 calories.  We'll see how this goes.  I'm sure consuming 40-60 beers over the course of a weekend isn't ideal, but not drinking during the week is a step in the right direction.

Third Leg

YOU try hauling this around every day. It's not a blessing.  It's the curse of the Third Leg.

Third Leg

YOU try hauling this around every day. It's not a blessing.  It's the curse of the Third Leg.

Crapping Yourself Fail

The Renter and I went to New China Buffet last Saturday.  I had been drinking since noon, nothing out of the ordinary.  We get in.  I pay.  I go use the bathroom.

Standing at the urinal I fart.  Turned out to be a juicey fart.

Not good.

Thankfully one of the stalls was open.  I took off my shoes, took off my jeans, and removed the shitty underwear.

I waited till the bathroom was empty to leave the stall.

As I was walking to the trash can, poopy underwear in hand, someone walked in the door.  I kept my eyes down, placed my underwear in the trash, washed my hands and proceeded to eat all I could.

I hope they let me back in there.

I wonder how long my shit sat in their garbage before they realized what was funking up their bathroom.

Do It Yourself

I have a storm drain and that is clogged and I have two friends coming over tomorrow to help me on clog it.  I am so handy at these do it yourself projects that I am surprised I get masturbation down right. The joys of home ownership.

10:00 Bedtime

Lately, I am really enjoying going to bed at 10 oclock.  I might wake up at 5:30 a.m. but then I still have 2 hours before I really have to get up to go to work. It's kind of relaxing knowing that I have time to spare in the morning and not having to listen to my alarm clock go off.  This might be a sign of getting old but I wish I had done it sooner. The days of staying up until 2 a.m. are definately in the past.

Marquette University Donation

I got a call from the Marquette University Alumni Association.  Appearantly they have students calling for donations.

Caller: Hi, I'm calling for the Marquette University Alumni Association.  How are you today?

Me: I'm ok I guess.

[The only reason I answered the call was because they had called ten times before.]

Caller: Can I ask about your experience at Marquette?

Me: Well, I didn't really like it that much.

[The cheery voice on the other end became hesitent.]

Caller: What about it didn't you like?

Me: I didn't really like the students, a lot seemed like stuck up rich kids.  Oh, and Calculus 3, God did that suck.

Caller: I'm sorry to hear that.  What was your major?

Me: Electrical Engineering.

Caller: Well, we've made a lot of changes recently including a new engineering building.  The reason I'm calling is to ask you for a donation to help students pay for their tuition.  Tuition is currently $32,000 and room and board can run up to $10,000.

Me: No wonder why student loans are becoming such a big problem.  Maybe you should stop building new buildings.

Caller: Would you be willing to donate $100 to our tuition fund?

Me: Have you listened to anything I've said?

Caller: Or maybe a lessor donation of $25?

Me: Sorry, I only attended your school for two years, I'm a UW-Milwaukee graduate.

Caller: Ok, sir, can we at least update your contact information?

Me: It's bad enough that you have my phone number.

Caller: Uh, ok, thank you.

$160,000 to attend fours years of college?  Heaven forbid if you change majors and it takes you five years.  That is just insane.  Your best bet would be to pay $1,500 a month for 15 years and live in your parents' basement.  That sounds really appealing.

Middle Class

I know Mr. Romney is from the east coast and Mr. Obama is from Chicago, but I don't know anyone who's considered middle class who's making $200,000 a year.  That's a shit load of cash.  Anyone agree with me?

If I was making that I'd be retired after ten years, but I live well below my income as it is.

No kids.

No student loans.

But you shouldn't have to live your life this way, I just choose to.

Puppy Pooping

Nothing like coming home from work and having a 7lb puppy with shit shmeared all over her ass beacause we gave her some steak on Tuesday steak night.  I felt bad.  Imagine sitting in your bed, not able to get out, and pooping where you sleep.  

Poor girl.  No more human food for her.

Target Return

So I put the Renter's plastic cup with a straw in it in the dishwasher.  I guess the heat bent the plastic straw so I was going to buy her a new one.  Found one at Target and bought it.

On the way out the door I noticed it was $11.  I'm not paying $11 for a plastic cup.

I went back in the store and stood in the return line.  An older woman walked in front of me and leaned on the wall.

Me: Are you in line for a return?

Old Broad: Yes.

Me: Do you know the line is behind me?

Old Broad: Yes.

Me: Do you have a problem with standing in line?  I'm sure they taught you that in kindergarten.

She scowled at me.

The Renter left the store.

I can't wait till I get older, I'll be such an angry old man.

WE Energies Inspection

The Renter and I took this week off from work.  If you figure in the Labor Day holiday it's ten days out of the office.  Not that we went anywhere, just chilling at the house.

I have mowed the lawn twice with this sudden rain experience.  I've washed and waxed the Jeep and made a beer run (if that is worth noting that's how often I've left the house).  Puppy got the darndest cute haircut, too.

A guy from the electric company stopped over yesterday to check on the basement equipment, just making sure there weren't any leaks.  He came to the front door and I immediatly let him in.  They had left a note on my door a couple months back about the inspection so I just wanted to get it over with.

I picked Puppy up and handed her to the Renter.  At that moment the Renter gave me the look, also known as the look of death.  I had completely forgotten it was her no pants day.  There she was in her bra and panties, me handing her Puppy and some dude from the electric company walking through my living room, right past the Renter.

As I walked to the kitchen I heard him give a brief "hi" to the Renter as he followed me to the basement.  Once we were done he asked to go out the back door, I'm guessing to avoid the half naked Renter in the living room.

After he left I had to say I was sorry to the Renter.  We've lived together for seven years now and I really don't pay attention to whay she's wearing.  Thankfully we were able to laugh about it afterwards.

But I'll bet the electric guy went home to tell his buddies a story.

Cockroarches

I have a co-worker who hasn't slept in her apartment in a week because she found two cockroaches in her place.  I had to spread nine print outs of bugs around her desk while she was out to lunch today.  It didn't go over too well.  I laughed my ass off, all that mattered.

Martian Peaceful Protest

At least they aren't brandishing ray guns.

Retiring Early

I think, lately, I've almost given up on my whole plan of retiring early.  The house should be paid off at age 48 but then, ugh, still have living expenses rolling in.  One can only hope that their investments bring in some returns.  I still think shit will get worse before it gets better.  Can only hope for the best and save as much as possible.

NIKE Huarache

Like the Renter, I have a bit of an affection for shoes.  I have pairs of the Jordan V's in both black and white (never been worn).  So, walking to City Hall one day, through the mall, I noticed they brought the NIKE Huarache's back out again (with a different sole, wtf).  These shoes came out in my second year of high school - also known as 1993.  I had to have them.  So thank you, NIKE, for remaking these shoes, nastalgic as they are, and for getting $68 out of my wallet, which is really hard to do unless the purchase includes the words "Milwaukee" and "Best."

Chicken Breasts

What might sound like something obvious, I would highly suggest NOT cooking a pack of chicken breasts after they've been frozen, thawed, frozen, and then thawed for a week in your refridgerator.

The end result will be an upset stomach and lots and lots of shitting.

Doesn't matter if you paid $9 for the chicken, DON'T EAT IT!