Burden

It's a heavy burden, but someone has to carry it.

Waking Up Angry

I don't really know how to explain this.  Reality and my perception of reality were somewhat clouded.

 

Tuesday was like most nights after work.  I came home, walked the dog, lifted weights in the basement and watched some college basketball.  After a slosh fest on Sunday and a well needed sober Monday, I opened a couple beers while lying on the couch.  All told, at the end of the night I had consumed five beers in just over four hours.  Some (doctors) might think that's a lot but for me that's not much at all, especially considering the slow pace.  On Friday's I'll probably consume five in the first 45 minutes of getting home from work.  Some (me) might even think my Tuesday consumption was technically a waste of beer.

 

I like going to bed at 11:00 at night.  That way, even if I don't fall asleep for a half an hour, I'll still get eight hours of sleep before my alarm goes off at 7:30.  Or I might even wake up before the alarm goes off, allowing me to ease into my morning routine.  (My dog likes this better too.  Instead of bolting up at the sound of the alarm I have to poke and prod her to wake up and go outside.  She's so cute in the mornings – just five more minutes!)

 

I woke up at 2:30 in the morning.  I heard a TV on and figured the Roommate was up late since she took a two hour nap after work.  I got up, walked down the hallway and reasoned she must have been in the basement watching TV.  Mind you, the basement TV is right below my bedroom with little to no insulation between us.

 

This made my irate, really irate.  Why would she think that she should take a nap and then keep me up well past my bedtime on a work night at that?  She used to be a late night person so I could see this nap/stay up late trend continuing on in the future.  I was having none of that, especially in my own house.

 

I got up and turned the heat down to 57.  If she was going to keep me up, I was going to take away the heat.

 

I stayed up till 5:30 in the morning.  The TV sounds had gotten fainter and I had to strain to hear it at times.  A couple times I even leaned over my bed to get my ear closer to the floor.  And then I heard them; footsteps coming up the basement stairs.  Oh boy, I was going to let her have it when she walked past my room.  I waited, and waited, and just when the wood floors squeaked outside my door, "Pheh haaaaa…"  Nothing came out.  I couldn't utter a word, just a strained gasp.  I tried again, only this time I was sucking air in and not blowing it out.  The third try I think I managed to get some words out but I couldn't even tell you what they were.  Not being able to yell at her, I picked up my phone and texted, "Good luck trying to take a nap after work ever, ever again."

 

I woke up in the morning filled with rage.  Who did she think she was that she can mess with my sleeping schedule like that?  She must have noticed that I was perturbed.  Later in the morning I received this email: "What is with your text message?  I got home and in bed by midnight, turned off the tv at 1230 and was sleeping before 1am.  What is your issue?  I was woken up by you in the middle of the night bitching about something.  And if I want to take a nap I will.  I had a headache and needed to lay down.  I believe I can do that.  Like you can get up at 630am on a Saturday and not let anyone else sleep because you are up.  So whatever your deal is…get over it. Fucking drama queen.  Stop being such a bitch."

 

Me, a bitch?  "So you weren't up till 5:00 in the morning watching TV?"

This couldn't be.  I swore I could hear the TV on in the basement.  

 

I didn't believe her.

 

I went home during lunch.  I knew the last thing I had on the TV was the Marquette game, on channel 32 of all channels (nothing good plays on channel 32).  I went home.  I figured if she was in the basement watching TV she wouldn't turn it back to 32 when she was done.

 

The TV was still on 32.  This is when I started to realize I might be crazy.

 

The Roomate played "Crazy Train" on her phone for the next three days.

 

Snow Day

I like how the Roommate gives me shit for drinking at 10:00 am when we have a snow day from work.  Silly girl, what did you think would happen?

Weapon of Choice

I added this to my arsenal of snow removal weapons today.  Ran me $40 but it's all wood handle, steel blade.  Bring it.

V-Day Presents

Sometimes I wonder what my co-workers think of me.  Other days I KNOW what they think of me.

Dear Pick N Save Customer Service

Could you please tell you cashiers to not make a big deal when I buy ten 30-packs of beer?  I get 15 miles per gallon, so I like to make one trip every two weeks or so.  I know, it might seem like a lot, but they don't have to make comments like "Are you having a party?" or "Damn you drink a lot."  Just let me check out, pay for my beer and be on with my life.  I don't ask for much.

Spring/Summer

I don't know about all of you, but I can't wait for some warm weather to come around.  The funny thing is, I've got a list of things I'd like to do around the house maintenance wise that I can't do in 30 degree weather.

- Plant grass seed in the back yard.

- Find a way to stop water from seeping into my garage.

- Scrape and paint half the exterior of the house.

- Sand and stain the deck.

All things that, even with my limited handy man skills, I think I can do with a little time and effort.

And a couple beers under my belt.

I'm going to have to trust the weather man and take a week off from work the first week he predicts some nice weather.  Actually looking forward to some household chores.

And some day drinking.

Big Money Sports Picks

I decided to clean up/unsubscribe from some junk emails today.  I came across one from Big Money Sports Picks that made me hessitate.  As you can see, they had attached a peek-a-boo picture of a couple Laker cheerleaders (the one in the middle?).  Even though they gave a good effort, I still unsubscribed from their mailing list.

Golf Central

"Golf Central Pregame."  Do they tailgate and drink beer for golf?

Vermont Teddy Bears

You too could have your own Ted, for the bargin price of $89.  Not sure if he'll smoke weed with you, but I'm sure he'd cuddle with you.

Tom, Myspace

I made a reference to Tom, founder of Myspace, to my 25-year-old co-worker.  She had no clue what I was talking about.

I remember Tom.  He was my first friend on Myspace.  I created my account and minutes later there was Tom, sitting behind his desk, smiling, welcoming me to the site.  I thought, "Wow, that was fast!", and sent him a message back.  I waited, and waited.  Tom never got back to me.  I waited two more weeks until I gave up on Tom getting back to me.  Some friend he was.

Chul Vista

Last weekend I stayed at a hotel/resort in the Wisconsin Dells called Chula Vista.  You may have read about it on here before, I tend to go there twice a year.  They have a winter special where you can have two people stay in a room for two nights for $200, $264 once they add on their crazy hotel tax.  A hundred bucks a night isn't a crazy deal for a hotel in the waterpark capital of the Midwest in the middle of winter, but when they add in the all-you-can-eat and all-you-can-drink stipulation, well, it's a downright steal.

 

Anyway, you can just imagine the fun that I have there, so much fun that a number of the servers and bartenders remembered me from the last trip in November.  I rarely even had to ask for a beverage before two were placed in front of me.

 

That being said, I don't remember much of the trip.  The one "high light" that still sticks in my head is me walking/stumbling back to the room, two beers in hand, a couple asking if I was ok, me passing them, looking to my left as I mumbled something unintelligible, and smashing my right hand beer into a wall, completely crushing the plastic cup, all the while not getting a single drop on myself.  I didn't even look back.  I knew what it was going to look like.  I put my head down and hurried back to the room where I found that in my haste I had spilled half of my second beer.  Talk about a glass half full (plus one full empty).

Carl Pavano

Carl Pavano made $8.5 mil last year and he ruptured his spleen shoveling snow in Vermont?  I know I'm cheap, never got my snowblower fixed after it broke down two years ago, but I'm pretty sure I didn't make $8.5 mil last year.  But then again I don't rely on my arm to earn a paycheck.  Just my intellect, go figure.

Texts

There comes a point in every night when people don't reply to your texts either due to them not wanting to reply, as in you've offended them, or they've gone to bed.  It's 9:00 and people have stopped replying.  I get the point.

Sickness

Ever since high school, if there was a bug going around, I would get it two weeks before everyone else.  Having my spleen removed later in life further ensured that any common cold that went around, I got it first.  I was used to this, came to take it for granted.

Two weeks ago at least a quarter of my co-workers were sick, as was the roommate.  I used this as a little excuse for myself; I had six beers a night, relying on what may be a myth that alcohol kills germs.  Surprisingly, I didn't get sick.

Until Monday, Martin Luther King Day.  It started as a scratchy throat.  By Tuesday I realized something was brewing down there and I stayed home from work.  When I got winded getting up to make a can of soup I knew I made the right decision to stay home. I felt better on Wednesday and went to work.

Almost immediately my nose opened up.  When my boss arrived in the morning I was blowing my breakfast out my nose.  And it only got worse after that.  By the time I got home my nose was red and raw from wiping snot all day.

Here it is Thursday, I'm sitting at home once again with snot covering my sweatshirt.  It's quite nasty, even with my lax standards.  Thankfully I have an understanding boss.  I'm kind of surprised she didn't get on my case for going to work yesterday.

I hope by Friday, day five, this whole thing will be past me.  Typically, even though I usually get the cold before everyone else, I tend to have a quicker turn around time to getting back to healthy.  Let's just hope that's the case this time.

Holiday Party/That Guy

We had our holiday party yesterday.  It started with bowling at 4:00 and then a bar with a shit load of fried food afterwards.  I ate a ton and drank even more.  And then some.  I ended up talking with the Executive Director of (confidential) for way too long.  Even had the audacity to rub it in his face (gentle ribbing) when I beat him in the shuffle board game.  Sadly, that is about all I remember of the night.  I was talking to everyone, hopefully not making an ass of myself, even walked a mile home at the end of the night, but that time with the big wig, I just hope I didn't say anything stupid.

Although I'm sure I did.

Ass Crotch

I have found that when you wear the same sweatpants to both lift weights in and sleep in, four days out of the week, towards the end they start to smell a little like ass.  Or is it crotch?  I don't know, they're two inches apart and I can't get my head down there to decipher which is overpowering the other.

Saturday Breakfast

Friend: Join me at [establishment] for breakfast?

I just had dinner, if you would call it that, eight scrambled eggs and I'm full.  Could do the same for breakfast tomorrow at the cost of $1.

Did I mention that I'm a cheap bastard?

The Last Fart

Some of us know the physical makeup of a fart, might have it down to a science, if you may.  The rule is you can only fart so many times before the origin of the fart rears its ugly head.  And when it rears its head, well, you better hope you're sitting over a toilet when it happens.  Or at least be in the comfort of your own home.

I forgot to poop at work today.  That doesn't happen too often, I like to use company resources for such events.  And with the cafeteria food they serve there, most days it's really not an option.  When you gotta go...

Today it slipped my mind.  I pooped at home before I lifted weights.  But then the farts came, more than likely brought on by the cafeteria food.  First it was one, then two, then ten.  Eventually I knew I couldn't fart anymore without the source of the gas making an appearance, but I had already pooped at home once, couldn't waste my own resources for yet another one.

Much better to shit myself the next morning and wake up with this soggy yet somewhat crunchy feeling in my shorts.

No wonder why my dog wants to roll in my lap.

Work Shoes

I haven't put these on for eleven days, but I'm kind of actually looking forward to getting reaquainted with them.  My alarm clock, on the other hand, can go to hell.