Christmas Shopping Conversation

The scene: the smoking section in the parking garage.

The participants: a 30 yr-old woman from the mutual fund company next door and myself.


Me: So how are you supposed to do your Christmas shopping when you don’t even know what you’re going to buy?

Her: Good question. I don’t know.

Me: I only have to buy stuff for three people: my mom, my dad, and my sister, and I have no idea what to get them.

Her: Do they give you lists?

Me: No, but that’s not a bad idea. I should ask them for some hints.

(Pause)

Me: Maybe I should just get them socks. I seem to end up with a bunch of socks every year.

Her: Do you buy your own socks?

Me: Sometimes. I really haven’t had to in the last two years. I just started using the ones I got last Christmas.

Her: I’d understand that if you didn’t buy your own socks, if it was something you didn’t shop for.

Me: Yeah, socks and thong underwear.

Her: Thong underwear?

Me: No, I’m just kidding.

(Pause)

Me: How does that work with that thing riding up your butt? I think that would bother the hell out of me.

Her: I don’t think I’m the person you should be asking that.

Me: What, you don't wear underwear?

Her: I don’t think I’m going to answer that one either.

Me: Hey, anything’s fair game in the smoking section.

(Putting out her cigarette)

Her: Good luck with your Christmas shopping.

Me: Good luck with that underwear.


I really wish I was making this stuff up.