Sober Saturday

I’m not exactly sure why but I didn’t have anything to drink this Saturday. It snowed, yet again, and I shoveled in the afternoon. After that I felt a little out of sorts, probably just a little dehydrated. And it was still snowing – hard – and I knew I’d have to shovel again. Hell, now that I think about it, it probably snowed all day on Saturday. I plopped my ass down on the couch and flipped on the TV. I learned that I have this uncanny ability to sense when a commercial break is over. I know, it’s not exactly that big of a deal, but when you’re flipping from a movie to porn and back it is. You could very easily get distracted by the porn and miss out on part of the movie. That’s pretty much what I did all night till 1:30 in the morning. The funny thing is after I had decided to stay in for the night I got a call from my dad reminding me that we had to usher in church in the morning. I’m surprised I didn’t turn into a ball of flames walking in to church after all the sperm babies I killed on Saturday.

Oh wait, now I remember why I had the sober Saturday. On Friday I got fucked up at the corner bar, went to the casino and won $300, drank about four Southern Comforts and coke, almost kicked a 55 yr-old woman’s ass after she skipped me on the pool table, went back down to the casino and lost $800, ate breakfast and went to bed with all my clothes on and without brushing my teeth or taking out my contacts. Yeah, I think I needed a sober Saturday after all that.

That old lady is pretty lucky the Renter was holding me back.