96 Hours

I’m going to tell you a little story here. It’s a story about something I’m really proud off (unlike that story about the economic stimulus check going straight to the Indians - fuck). It’s a story, maybe an accomplishment, that I’m guessing most of you have never been through. I’ve done it before not in the civilized world.

The story starts out like this. I took a shower last week Thursday before I went to work. I lifted weights like usual during lunch, lifted office furniture for an hour that turned out to be more of a workout than the weight room, asked for Friday off and went home. It took me an hour and a half to drive six miles; traffic just sucked ass. That night I had some beers and went to bed.

Friday, as the weather man had indicated, was freaking beautiful. The 80 degree temperature and cloudless skies left me basking in the sun on the deck with the puppy and a cooler full of beer. I was sweating my ass off. I stayed up till 6:00 in the morning (the birds were chirping) while enjoying a campfire on the deck.

Saturday I went car shopping with the Renter for what seemed like forever. It was still pretty warm outside. After four or five hours I finally got to go home to my beloved deck. Only made it up till 3:00 Sunday morning as I got pretty hammered after being stuck inside all day on a Saturday.

I sat inside watching TV all Sunday recovering from the previous rough three days. I sucked down whatever non-alcoholic beverage I could get my hands on. Eventually I made it up to the bar and played a couple games of while enjoying a couple pitchers of beer.

Monday morning I showered…

…for the first time all weekend…

…having never changed my clothes…

…not even my underwear.

Pretty impressive, eh? 96 hours without showering while not being camping or living on the streets. I even went out like normal, just made sure I had a hat on to cover the grease mat that my hair was becoming. I’d toss on a little deodorant, spray on a little cologne, and head out the door. You’d think after sitting by the fire for so long and not showering for so long that someone would have said something but nope.

Then again, I probably just smelled like normal.

(For the record, ladies, if we were like dating or something that involved me taking my underwear off, well, I can guarantee you 100% that there's a 50% chance I would have showered at some point that weekend.)