Pool Stick

I told you a while back I bought a pool stick from Wal-Mart for $9. It wasn’t fancy or anything but it did the trick when a bar had shitty sticks available. I was starting to feel a little affectionate towards it (not intimate you gays!). But, just like everything else that I grow fond of, our relationship ended on a sour note.

I took off from work last week Friday because I wanted to watch the Packers game in style. Yeah, I got hammered, better/worse than usual. I woke up around 10:00 on Friday and did a little cleaning. For some reason the Renter was home that day so I asked her if she wanted to go and play some pool.

The Renter won the first three games because I was somewhat sober. I can’t shoot pool without beer in me. I can’t explain it but the theory has been tested many times. After the third game the beer started to kick in. She didn’t win another game the whole day. And when the Renter doesn’t win she quits. They had the pool tables open so you could play for free and she quits. Huh.

Yesterday when I was backing her car out the driveway I saw my stick in her back seat. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. I yelled. I screamed. I grabbed my nuts to dull the mental anguish. My pool stick was broken. The shaft was snapped in two right where the grip is, the thick end. I couldn’t believe it. I shed a tear, said a little prayer and went on my way to work.

I think the Renter did it. She has a lot of pent up rage and after the ass whooping I handed her on Friday I think she just lost it and took it out on my stick. She probably did some Korean mixed marshal arts move on it and snapped it in half.

Now I don’t have a pool stick. Now I’m mad. One of these nights when she’s sleeping on her side I’m just going to stick it in her ass. I’ll lube it up first, I’m not mean or cruel, but it will go in deep.

Kidding.

To tell you the truth, I can’t even think of a way to break a pool stick as cleanly as it broke. It wasn’t jagged or anything, just one clean break. I’m guessing the cold weather did it. Now, you wouldn’t think a wooden pool stick would break in half just because of some cold weather, but you have to remember, I bought it at Wal-Mart. I haven’t examined it in great detail but I’m going to guess that it isn’t 100% wood. It was $9 and made in China, what the fuck do you expect?

I’m a cheap ass, I’ll be back at Wal-Mart soon for a new one, I just won’t leave this one outside in the cold.