Giving a Little Back to You

I’m putting this up on Wednesday night. I doubt most of you will wake up on Thanksgiving and scramble to your computer to pull this site up. I don’t blame you; most of the shit on here is garbage anyways. But, if you happen to read this before 11:30 central time on Thursday, you too could cash in on this truly golden opportunity. This opportunity, while not life changing, could alleviate that burden known as Christmas shopping. Not that you wouldn’t have to go Christmas shopping, but your Christmas shopping would be paid for already. Who likes paying for the newest game station when you get socks in return? (Ok, I’ve been burned in the past.)

Green Bay Packers -3 (or -3.5, doesn’t matter).

The Packers play at 11:30 central time this Thanksgiving. Go grab your man and lay down the lumber. If you don’t have a man, check out www.sportsbetting.com (not that I’m promoting or supporting internet gambling on this website, because that’s just wrong and probably illegal, but I think they still except American money). Click on the NFL lines, check the box that says “Green Bay -3,” unload whatever you can afford to, and then add another $500 (because it isn’t gambling if it doesn’t hurt). Ok, that’s going a little overboard, yours truly is placing a modest wager of 200 roses (we have to use the secretive escort service values here) in hopes that the Packers will win by more than three. I’ve only wagered on the Packers once this season because I don’t like putting money on home teams. If you think about it, there’s only one out of four winning scenarios. If you analyze the game from an outsider’s point of view, think the opposing team has the edge, and put money on the opposing team you either win your bet while your home team loses or your home team wins and you lose your bet – neither one of those sound like a winner to me. The other option is to bet with the home team. In this case, either they win or they don’t, and if they win they might not even cover the point spread which is still a loss as far as the wallet is concerned. So far this season the Packers are 8-1-1 against the Vegas line. That’s almost as good as the New England Patriots (9-1 vs. the spread). You know what I say? Giddy up!!!

This game is truly golden. Trust me. I’ve got this one called correctly. I’ve done my research (gotten drunk and woken up with this vision). Brett Favre and… [silence, crickets chirping in background]… the running attack will come through this Thanksgiving against Jon Kuntna and the Detroit Lions. For those of you who have visited this site since the inception (none of you) or at least for the last year (there might be some still out there), this is what you have been waiting for. For all those stories about masturbation, shitting, getting drunk, and shitting on myself while drunk that you’ve put up with, well, this one makes up for all of that and then some.

While my hopes of becoming a millionaire (or at least getting laid?) through my words of inspiration on this here blog are fading fast, dear readers, I’m putting this one out there for you to profit from. All I ask is that you put aside some of that newfound money and send me a hooker. She doesn’t even have to be cute or hot. Someone’s getting a little desperate over here.