Weekend of Pain

I guess you could say I partied hard this weekend. I sat outside for a bit with the cheap vodka on Friday, eventually hitting the bar around 11:00. On Saturday I had two vodka/crans before the old roommate called. He wanted to go to the driving range with the Renter and me. Even though I wasn’t in the greatest of shape I agree, finished the chicken legs on the grill and headed out.

The first clue that I wasn’t in the “greatest of shape” was when I asked the Renter if she wanted to take my car. The Jeep is a stick shift and the Renter, while being ok with this stick, also isn’t all that great with it. The second clue was that I packed up a bottle of vodka and cranberry juice to take to the driving range. The Jeep doesn’t have a trunk so the goods were pretty much lying out in the open in the back. Well, the Renter refused to drive with that in the car. Refusing to drive if you’re a woman becomes a big ordeal. The Renter said fine, I’ll just go by myself, and hopped in her car. Knowing that it was all a big show (still had the clubs in my car) I calmly went back inside and turned on the TV. Five minutes later I got a phone call from the Renter who was still sitting outside in her car. I agreed instead to take along six unopened cans of beer and we headed off to the range.

The trip there was uneventful. We pulled up to the range, found the old roommate, and grabbed a bucket of balls. It should not surprise you when I say that with the vodka still soaking into my system and the additional beer on top of that that my first swing was by far my best. After about 20 swings I knew I was pretty much worthless and decided to help the other two with their swings. Usually I’m pretty good with this. I once got the old roommate to hit the ball 50 yards further and straighter with just five minutes of tips and suggestions. I didn’t produce the same results on Saturday but then again I wasn’t on the tee trying to drunkenly swing at the ball. Good time all around.

The old roommate had to let a friend’s dogs out so the Renter and I went home for a shower (her) and a nap (me). The way home wasn’t nearly as smooth as the way there. The Renter must have been nervous or something as she stalled the car five times and was flipping people off left and right when they honked at her. Just like on the golf course I tried giving her tips and helping her get the car to go but it didn’t work. “This is the last time I’m ever driving your vehicle.”

After the shower and nap we met the old roommate at a place that has $.25 wings on Saturdays. We sat outside on the patio and chilled for quite a while. I think we went through three pitchers of beer and 36 wings. At this point the beer from the driving range really caught up to me. The Renter had bought the beer a couple weeks back and fucked up and got the “ICE” version of the beer I drink. Major difference from the regular stuff. Eventually we made it over to the corner bar, probably just before karaoke started. I had two drinks, played two games of pool, realized that I couldn’t stand anymore let alone handle a pool stick, and headed home.

Sunday I woke up feeling like I got beat up. Usually after a good day of drinking I’ll be a little stiff and sore but this was much different; my abs felt like someone had leveled two solid punches on me. Now, I have been known from time to time to let people punch me in the abs as hard as they want. Usually it doesn’t really affect me that much besides maybe a bruise the next day. But the problem with Sunday morning was that I didn’t have anyone hitting me in the stomach (not that I can remember). Rolling around on my bed I could feel twinges and twangs of pain. I suppose it could have been from the golf but I didn’t take that many swings. So I decided that I wasn’t going to do anything all day. I sat on my bed watching TV from 11:00 am to 1:00 am, getting up only to get food or pee. That’s right, I didn’t have a single beer or a single cigarette the whole day. And you know what? It was freaking great. Looking back on it there were things I could have been doing (mow the lawn, change the oil in the Jeep, wash the Jeep, finish painting, lift weights), but it felt good just to sit there and veg for the whole day. Simply awesome.

(Funny, three other people I talked to today did the exact same thing on Sunday.)