Jumps Around Too Much For A Title

What is it with animosity? Why do 95% of people posting their thoughts, feelings, and daily activities on their internet diary choose to stay anonymous? We see “names” like Mahogany, Swandad, lawyergirl, The Doorman, and B to the… (aka shithead) listed as the “authors” (I use that term loosely based on the quality of some of the shit out there – not the afore mentioned names) on each individual’s weblog. Is it that we’re scared the real world will find out, that friends and family members might not exactly approve of what our fingers type and post on our sites? Is it that we’re afraid our places of employment might look at us in a different light, or, to an even greater extent, terminate our employment? (I really didn’t bang a stripper in Mexico, I was only kidding!) Or is it not a defense mechanism but a method to live out our fantasies and desires under the cover of some cleaver name? A method to let the alter ego out and vent whatever the fuck is trying to grinding our balls each day. Voicing the alter ego’s opinion to the world to see if by some chance another alter ego might share the same viewpoint and actually leave a note in the comment section. Or, in my case, hope some member of the opposite sex might find this crap somewhat funny and would like to show her appreciation by playing with my penis just a little bit. Really, I’ve played with it enough in my lifetime. Not that it’s getting old or anything, but… Yes, I am a pathetic individual.


But check this shit out.Let me tell you, works wonders in the shower if you know what I mean.


In other news…


I’m in the locker room today at the gym and I hear “Brian!” Of course I turn around and see the old lawyer, who by the way was naked with a towel hanging on his shoulder (cover up, please!), walking up to the sink where I was washing my hands.

"Yeah, what’s up?"

"That guy in the weight room with the crew top, kind big, do you know if his name is Mike?"

"Hmm, oh that guy. No, I’m pretty sure it’s Mitch."

I don’t know the guy’s name and I don’t even know which guy he was talking about. Why am I like this?


On the Renter’s first day taking the bus I decided to take some pictures of her standing by the bus stop. I kind of felt like a loving mother sending her kid off to her first day of school. But then again, I don’t think a loving mother would tell her kid to “Straddle the pole like you’re a stripper!” And no, the Renter wouldn’t do it. And yes, the next day some guy pulled up next to the stop, rolled down his window, asked “Do you want to have some fun,” and drove off. 8:00 in the morning. True story.
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In other thoughts and musings, what is “third base”? You know, back in grade school everyone was like, “Dude, did you get to third base with her yet?” Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think the “bases” go like this:

First base: kissing

Second base: heavy petting

Third base: ?

Home plate: sex

So, what was third base? Sticking your hand down her pants and getting the fingers stinky? Having her stroke your schlong till some gooey shit came out? Back in those days B to the… wasn’t the playa that I am now (did I just refer to myself in the third person?) and wasn’t really “in” with the ladies. Ok fine, I’m still not “in” with the ladies, I lied. But I plan on stepping up my efforts shortly. My penis is threatening to go on strike, permanently, if I don’t do something soon.

Another question to ponder: Do these “bases” need to be updated to reflect the present day and generation? I mean, come on, everyone knows that kids are having sex at a younger age (don’t laugh, I think I was 19, and I “can’t remember” how old she was). So I’m going to propose an up to date version, let me know what you think.

First base: making out in a bar with a hand up the other person’s shirt or down their pants, not giving a shit who’s watching while you’re swapping spit.

Second base: engaging in drunken oral sex that leaves you gasping for air, finger in the butt optional.

Third base: fucking like porn starts for 45 minutes, in 45 different positions, falling off the bed only once.

Home plate: her best friend joins in for “anal night.”


I made my yearly doctor appointment this week. I made the appointment just so I could have a woman touch my balls. Ok, not really, but I do force myself to go once a year and speaking of balls, I need to make a note to shower beforehand and throw on some smelly stuff so while she’s down there she won’t be able to resist the thought of my cock in the back of her throat. Good lord, did I just write that? That was really gross, sorry. But, the reason I actually will take a shower is that my appointment is at 4:00 in the evening and after lifting weights and all even I don’t like to touch my balls. The other problem? I’m not supposed to eat for twelve hours before the visit. And I’ll be at work all day. Not eating for twelve hours isn’t a big deal if you have a 9:00 am appointment and stop eating at 9:00 pm the day before. Hell, you’re sleeping for eight of those hours. But twelve hours that span over breakfast and lunch? That’s going to be a little bit tougher. Wish me luck. Maybe I’ll just beat off all day to keep my mind off of food. Fuck! I’ll be at work, that won’t work. I’m screwed.


Couple pictures to share with you. First, some hot 20 yr old I found on Yahoo personals.Talk about some nice cleavage!!! Just wanted to share.

Second, check out how big this friggin' head is!!!Sorry, Renter, but I thought they were funny. Kind of like when you called me when the guy asked you if you wanted to have some fun, and I laughed my ass off. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!