Weekend And Why I Don't Date

You know, after the weekend I just had, me writing anything about it will not do it justice, but I will try my darnest. Basically I consumed a lot of beer. Now you might think that’s nothing new for me but I have to clarify, I consumed a LOT of beer. Two days consisted of drinking, passing out/taking a nap, and more drinking after the break in the action. It was truly great.

I saw the movie Jackass 2 on Saturday and I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard in a movie theatre. I actually felt bad for the people sitting two rows in front of us I was that loud. But there were two bad experiences with the trip to the movies. One, I went to two liquor stores and could not find a bottle of any of my favorites in a size that would fit in my pocket. What the hell? It was probably a good thing I couldn’t find any as I was pretty lit already and still had to work that night at the old folks lounge. The second thing was paying $8 for a movie ticket at 4:30 in the afternoon. Didn’t they used to have cheaper tickets before 5:00 or 6:00 or whatever? Shit, when I worked at a movie theatre in high school it was $1.50 before 5:00 and $3.00 after 5:00 and that was only 10 years ago. Am I just being my usual cheap ass self or did Bam Margara just fuck me in the ass? Wee Man?

Screw the rest of the weekend, don’t remember shit other than kissing the 21 yr old college student. Oh wait, I guess I bought the renter lunch on Sunday for her birthday. I went all out too, chicken wings and mozzarella sticks. Hey, I heard that, who said I was a cheap bastard?!

Tuesday night I went to the parents for dinner. Nothing great, beef stew, but any meal is good for a guy who can’t cook except for on the grill (come on, I’m not a girly man). Everything was good until the sister got home from swimming and wanted to watch the Gilmore Girls. Hey, fine with me, they rented every season so I think I’ve seen every episode. But no, not today, I guess on Tuesdays they have the new episodes on TV. So, cool I guess, new show but I have to watch the commercials, no big deal (except when they have commercials every 7 minutes). They showed the recap from the previous show. Last season she had proposed to him and he accepted. The recap ended with some conversation about how he was ready to move in and she said she wasn’t ready and that she had slept with her kid’s dad a couple of days earlier after they had had an argument. Obviously Luke is hurt as hell and storms off to punch the other guy when he answers the door at his apartment. But the whole show goes on with them trying to cope with the situation, how each tries to keep busy and not let it bother them when you know it’s killing them inside. The show ends with Lauraline crying on the couch by herself and Rori (don’t know how to spell that one for the life of me) comes in the door and gives her a hug.

Ok, honestly, my eyes are watering right now just writing this. They were watering the whole drive home from the parents house, too. Why? Because this is why I don’t date. This situation scares the hell out of me. And it has happened to me twice before. One time this girl and I had dated for three years and one day she said she wanted to break up. A month later I found out she had already slept with four guys. I of course was still in love with her and even took her back for two months knowing full well that it wasn’t a good idea. The other time happened exactly a year ago. I met this woman while she was on vacation visiting her parents. Saw her at the bar one day, sat next to her in the only empty seat the next day, and really hit it off for a week and a half till she had to go back home. This might sound a little weird, but we both cried the day that she had to leave. Granted it had only been 10 days, but it was painful seeing her go. Two weeks of talking on the phone and she decided to come back to Milwaukee. She quit her job, packed up all her possessions and moved in with her parents. Her parents didn’t have much room, she was sleeping on the couch, so I offered to have her move in with my roommate at the time and me. Everything was peachy and we never had a bad day. G the hairdresser said we were perfect together (but he’s been divorced twice so why did I listen to him?). We went on a weekend vacation with G and had a blast even though it turned out to be a disaster. So one night I told her I didn’t want to stick around for karaoke and was going home. I stayed up till 2:00 watching a movie I wanted to finish and went to bed. 3:00 I woke up and she wasn’t back yet. Same with 4:00 and 5:00. I tried calling a couple times but didn’t get a response. When I got home from work the next day I found my apartment rather clean and spacious. She had cleaned out all of her stuff while I was at work. Apparently she had run into a guy she knew and went to the downtown bars with him till bar close and went back to his house afterwards. He offered to have her move in with him and since he made $500,000 a year and she hadn’t found a job yet she took the offer. That is one thing I cannot comprehend even though I know it happens in the real world. While I would not take her shopping for winter clothes (get a job), he certainly did and she bragged about it to her friends. And to make matters worse they would frequent the corner bar together even after what took place.

After that last one I was screwed up for months. Two months later when I was sick of looking at my apartment walls I bought the house by the bar. Neighbor B offered up a congratulatory cheers on the purchase and of course she was sitting right there and toasted. At one point that night she asked if I was still her buddy. I looked her straight in the eyes and said no, I’m not your buddy and walked away.

This is why I don’t date. I don’t want to fall into another situation like that. I’m not saying that that will happen with every person I date, but there’s always a possibility and I’d rather keep the odds at 0% than even 5%. And when I have dated in the past, I find myself keeping the odds at 0% by not letting my emotions get involved which isn’t fair for the person on the other end. I don’t want to be a weeping basket case and I don’t want some innocent woman to end up the same way. I don’t even know why I got the 21 yr old’s phone number on Friday night. What’s going to come of that? Absolutely nothing, so why did I even ask for it? I could have just saved myself the embarrassment of trying to type “Vanessa” in my phone when I could barely read the numbers let alone the little tiny letters on each key. Why do I keep exchanging emails with the 5’10” yahoo woman? I can always hope for a fun night in the sack but usually women would take that as some form of affection (but damn she was hot). So there you have it, B is afraid of two things: spiders and getting involve in a relationship. I guess I’m more afraid of the relationship as I won’t go near that at all. I just need a 75% full roll of paper towels to take care of the spider.

Oh, and I got one comment about not posting and one phone call asking if I was still alive. Ya’ll need to chill.