The Greatest Internet Treasure Hunt

Today we’re going on a great adventure, a treasure hunt if you will (why do all of those reality stars use “journey” all the time?). Now bear with me, it might be a little hard to follow along as the scrolling button on your mouse is a complicated animal (fucker bit me once), but please try your best and remember to roll it back towards yourself.

Monday I thought of a little game to play with the Renter (yes, I guess since I downgraded her to renter I should at least capitalize it). The hunt starts in my dining room. Please notice the lack of a kitchen table as I have never owned one and I rarely eat at home. I figure if I had one sitting there it would just get cluttered up with junk paperwork and become a big eye sore. I was trying to think of something cool to put in its place but I’ve come up with nothing. I guess the only thing to put in a dining room is a dining room table.

The hunt took a twist (or a turn) into the living room. Please notice the beautiful wood floors that I spent 20 hours sanding and coating before I moved in. Well, they were beautiful until the FA brought his wifey over and she scratched the shit out of them with her high heels, but you can’t see that in this picture.

The plot thickens as she takes another turn and passes through the living room. At this point she still doesn’t know what’s going on and is getting a little curious. I tell her “Follow the light” and she gingerly proceeds forward. On the right you can see the speaker cabinets my dad and I built ten years ago.

Giving me this suspicious look she takes baby steps forward, not sure what the game is or what’s waiting for her at the end. And of course I have most of the lights turned off to provide a dark/scary setting.Going further she sees the light is coming from the bathroom. “It’s ok, go on in.” I tell her, nudging her forward with a cool and calm voice. I’m not 100% sure what happened next as I ran into my room and tried to lock the door only to find that my door doesn’t have a lock. Trying to hold in my laughter I grab a pillow and cover my mouth. And then I hear it.

Uuuurrrruuuupppp!!!















I barely hear the sink running over my laughter as I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The suspicious Renter now reverts back to a name of old and the Angry Asian is flying into my room with surprising speed. It’s all I can do to protect myself from her flailing arms and legs, holding a pillow over my head and curled in the fetus position. “What, are you trying to make me puke?! You know I can’t handle shit like that. You are the worst roommate ever!”

I don’t know, I thought it was pretty funny. As I write this I think I should have closed the bathroom door behind her and held it but I think she would have lost all her cookies then (no exhaust fan). That would have been mean. The sucker stunk, even I had troubles taking pictures of it. The Mad Shitter strikes again!