LASIK/Cancun Email

I was talking to two people this afternoon and the guy was telling the girl how he was in the zone today, jamming out to his headphones and compiling reports without even zooming in to see the minuscule numbers on the spreadsheet, for some reason he could see the numbers clear as day. She inquired about his poor eye sight and he said without his contacts in he can’t see three feet in front of his face. He also said he hadn’t taken them out in over three weeks. I chipped in, “That can’t be good for your eyes, can it?” He agreed with me and planned on taking them out tonight. I figured this guy might be a good candidate for LASIK eye surgery. “You know, I had the LASIK eye surgery a couple years ago and absolutely love it. You don’t have to worry about glasses or contacts anymore. My eyes feel much more refreshed than when I was wearing contacts all day long. Your eyes need the oxygen your contacts don’t allow in.” He asked if the whole process was painful and I tried to remember back. “No, it wasn’t all the bad. Of course I had to have someone drive me there and pick me up. It didn’t take too long and the actual procedure wasn’t painful. But once you get outside your eyes are three times as sensitive to the light. If you do it be sure to bring very dark sunglasses and a baseball hat otherwise you’ll get the instant headache like I did. That’s pretty much the only pain you have for four days, just a lingering headache. I would plan on having it done on a Friday and taking Monday, Tuesday, and maybe even Wednesday off. After that you’re pretty much 100% healed and you start your life without corrective lenses. I haven’t had a problem yet.” He thought about it for a while and replied, “Thanks, man. I’ve been thinking about it and the prices are coming down lately. I’m going to look into it some more right now.” Me, “Not a problem. Have a good afternoon.”

I hope it works out for him as I’ve never had the surgery done; he’s my guinea pig.


Email from an ex-girlfriend who recently tried to make me feel bad or something for breaking up with her 4 years ago (uh, get over it?). Ok, so maybe I shouldn’t have broken up with her the week we got back from Cancun, but the trip was paid for and I didn’t want to cancel it. Come on, fuck, it was Cancun!

Hey, sorry to bug you but you're the only Cancun expert I know of. Do you happen to know the name of that restaurant that we went to were you really liked the food? I think it was their steak burritos.

Thanks,

SR

Yes my friends, it only took 29 years, but I am officially an expert at something (other than masturbating). Now mind you I don’t really consider myself an expert of Cancun (unless the only criteria you take into account is getting absolutely loaded every freaking night, hanging out with locals who may or may not speak English, and making it back to your hotel in one piece). Last time I even ventured 20 minutes out and visited a couple strip clubs (oh my). I guess you could call them strip clubs/hotels as they had bedrooms on the second floor, but I’m not exactly sure what those were for (wink). Playa! Besides that, I guess I do know a little about Cancun, but just the necessities. You can get two liters of Bacardi at Walmart for $13, although their six packs of beer are $4, no 30 packs of Busch Lite in sight. I know where the good local restaurants are and what’s good on the menus. I could point you to a different club every night depending on what your mood is. I found a really nice piano bar (actually a dueling piano bar) that had two pianists facing each other on two pianos. They jammed out to any request you put in their suggestion/tip box and they were damn good. Didn’t hurt that the broad was smoking hot. It wasn’t too loud that you couldn’t talk to the person next to you but still loud enough to draw the attention of the whole bar (which was pretty big). If I remember correctly I got really loaded that night and couldn’t find the server and just left without paying. Unfortunately I think the hurricane wiped that place out. The shopping malls (puke) are easy to find, beaches along the east side have the nicer beaches and bigger waves (please be careful over there), and the cab drivers charge you $3 more if you’re not a local.

The night clubs, while I’ve been to them all (expect a $30 cover charge for open bar), aren’t really my cup of tea. I met a group of six locals one night at a local bar. Most spoke English, a couple didn’t, they taught me dominos as we drank our two for ones and ate some funky food. Well, I guess we had to leave because some of the local men weren’t happy that 6’4” Whitey B was talking to the hottest girls in the bar (seriously, not lying, why don’t you believe me?) and we had to leave. I hopped in a cab with them not knowing where we were going (which happened to be a stop at the convenient store for cigs and beer for the ride). We end up in front of one of the biggest night clubs Coco Bongo which has this absolutely crazy line at the front door (seriously people, it’s not worth waiting). The one girl grabs my hand and whispers “Don’t say anything” and I followed them past the line to the door. Now mind you I said these girls were hot. Before I know it some guy is putting a open bar wristband on me and we’re in the club. No wait, no charge, just walked right in. Sweet. Long story short, ended up making out with the hottest one (please believe me) and getting home somehow, no idea. And that was my last night their, got home at 6:0 and had to get up at 10:00 to get to the airport.

I’m sure I’ll think of more stories as my trip approaches in a couple months.