In The News Today...

Anna Nicole Smith’s kid, does this come as a surprise?

Toxicology tests showed Daniel Smith had methadone, Zoloft and Lexapro in his system when he died Sept. 10 in a hospital room in the Bahamas where his former Playboy playmate mother was recuperating from giving birth to a daughter, according to Cyril Wecht.

If my death notice has “toxicology”, “methadone”, “Zoloft”, “Lexapro”, “Playbory playmate mother”, or “giving birth” in it please don’t bother going to the funeral and just leave my body in my mobile trailer. Another headline I read: Autopsy Reveals That Anna Nicole Smith's Son Is Dead.

Congrats to Terrance Kiel, San Diego Chargers safety who is getting started on his post playing days career of selling drugs. Out and about on $150,000 bail, AP - Kiel was arrested on two counts of transporting a controlled substance and three counts of possession for sale of a controlled substance. Drug Enforcement Administration officials said Wednesday that Kiel admitted to shipping at least two parcels of prescription cough syrup to Texas. While Kiel did not tell the DEA his motive, the agency in Texas has found widespread abuse of codeine-based cough syrup mixed with soft drinks or drugs and referred to as "lean," said John S. Fernandes, the special agent in charge of the San Diego office. Both officials said Kiel admitted to financial difficulties when interviewed by agents. Kiel is making $500,000 this year, his fourth with the Chargers.

How much of this is way too wrong? First off, prescription cough syrup, are you fucking kidding me? But then I read this - Fernandes said codeine-based cough syrup can be used to enhance, mitigate or temper other drugs, including cocaine and PCP. Ok, so this stuff might be in demand, who knows. But who the hell is going to mix it with a soft drink? “Uh, can I get a Coke, lean.” Cough syrup tastes like shit as it is. If you want a buzz go smoke a Newport (nasty cig). And financial difficulties? I don’t make $500,000 a year but I just had the hairdresser take me for $200 last night in a dice game and it’s not going to drive me to the street selling drugs (embarrassing, a hairdresser). $500,000 and it’s his fourth year so you have to assume he was making roughly that the first three years. I’m guessing he was trying to live like T.O. with the Escalades and million dollar homes and couldn’t keep up with the payments. But then again, I heard T.O. has dabbled with drugs too (“I didn’t try to kill myself!”). And check this out, Kiel won the Ed Block Courage Award in 2004 (who the hell is Ed Block?). Nice, how long before they take that off their website?

In other news, yahoo personal girl stopped by the bar last night for a couple hours. Totally cool, very hot, but I will remind you, she isn’t looking for a date, just friends. We talked non-stop for the whole time, well, I guess she did most of the talking, but it still went well. And true to her yahoo profile, she was indeed 5’10” and quite thin (very nice ass). When she left the ex roommate gave me a little shit, “What, you didn’t go show her the house?” I’ve used that line a couple of times, worked on one occasion and when we got to the bedrooms I was trying to think of a clever line to get her in bed only to find the woman stripping her clothes off behind me, no line needed (now that I think of it, she talked dirty in bed, like “fuck me with your big cock” dirty). Of course she never came over again and I felt kind of used (but that’s totally ok, I’m a hoe). So yahoo personal girl and I might go to the driving range or something this week, not sure what the schedule is for the rest of the week. I’ll be sure to take the spot behind her to reacquaint myself with her ass (it truly was that nice). And hey, if she just wants to be friends it doesn’t mean we can’t do the nasty, right?

I’m afraid I’m going to have to change the roommate’s name. Since she has been writing on and on about not getting enough sex and I don’t put out enough (dude, we’re not dating, what the hell? just masturbate every day like I do) and posting naked pictures of me screwing her teddy bear (I was drunk, come on, everyone screws their roommate’s teddy bear when they’re drunk) on her blog I think a name change is appropriate. The roommate’s naming progression:
1) Asian
2) Angry Asian
3) Roommate
4) Renter
I figure renter is just a slight downgrade from roommate but after the crap she’s been posting I think it’s deserving. Speaking of which, it’s almost the 1st of the month, rent is almost due, you know what that means. BEER MONEY!!! How depressing would it be to pay someone $400 a month only to see him spend it all on beer? Yes I am an asshole sometimes, but at least I'm a somewhat funny maybe not asshole.