Golden Shower (As In Memorable)

A few days ago I was taking a shower after a long day at work and a rather sweaty gym experience. I hop in the shower and a couple seconds later I hear the Asian roommate, “I just have to pee.” I think nothing of it and continue with my shower when a gallon of cold water is dumped on my head. First off, it might be a funny prank, but only if you’re not on the receiving end of it. Second, I don’t know how she did it as she stands five feet tall and the toilet isn’t close enough to the shower to stand on and dump water on her unsuspecting slum lord. Must be some Asian trick or something. I didn’t say anything about it to her but I did get her back (oh wait, I think what started it all was me yelling “Get the fuck out of there” as she was leaving the bathroom. Seriously, we really do have a good relationship. Well, maybe not after what’s coming up).

But I got her back. Luckily she takes 20 minute showers (what the fuck do they do in there) as I needed a little bit of time to set it up. As soon as she got in the shower I ran outside and fumbled with the garden hose (technically lawn watering and car washing hose as what 29 yr old single guy has a garden?). I screwed the car washing nozzle on and turned the water on full blast. Going through the back door, through the kitchen, through the living room, down the hall, and finally into the bathroom dragging the hose behind me (glad I bought the 150 ft hose), I suddenly hear the water stop. What the fuck, that was only three minutes. I’m going to be caught red handed with a hose in my hand when she steps out of the shower. But then I remembered her slum lord roommate makes her turn the shower off while she shaves her legs and cooch (see August 7th’s post for more on bald beavers). My plan is still alive. She turned the water back on and I went in for the kill. Water nozzle in hand I stuck my arm in the shower, aimed in the general direction, and let her rip. I can honestly say I’ve never heard her yell so loud. Not that she’s quiet by nature, but she lets out a scream and then “B you fucker! Stop! I’m going to fucking kill you!” After 30 seconds (no, really just 5 seconds, I’m not that mean) I shut the water off and hightailed it out of there. I figured it wouldn’t be a good idea to hang around the house with a very angry Asian woman running around so I went to the corner bar seeking shelter and safety (well, and beer). I haven’t seen any retaliation yet but I’m keeping my eye out and sleeping with one eye open.

If you didn't know, her blog is linked as "Slant Eyed Asian" on this blog.



I received a comment on the last post from a guy in New York saying that he was going to link my blog to his.

Dude- Came across your blog the other week and I have to say...YOU ROCK! I'm going to add your link to my page; why? Because you're worthy, that's why.

Keep up the hijinx!

swandad
www.diaryofthirdandlong.blogspot.com

Holy shit, I never knew I rock. I used to think I rocked in bed but you have to coerce some woman back to your place in order to rock in bed and that hasn’t happened in a while (really haven’t been trying that hard). Last year I passed out standing up and rocked my head on (guess what) a rock. That wasn’t pretty, big scab on my face that was explained by a lay-up gone bad on the basketball court (some dude fouled me and I still tried to make the shot, took one for the team). I’m sure when I’m old, like 50, I’ll be rocking away in my rocking chair. But I never thought a guy who works with numbers all day could actually rock by writing down the shit that goes on in his life (also known as The Great Downward Spiral, not to be confused with Taking The Plunge as in getting married). I mean, no one’s ever said “Yo B, your financial statements really rocked today.” And thank goodness I can do this from the comfort of my home. Recently after speaking in front of 60 people I had a friend tell me “You really don’t like speaking in front of big groups do you?” What, the sweat running down my hands and showing through my suit wasn’t a good enough indication? So now I’m going to go to the corner bar and declare my Rock Star status (is that going a little too far?) Oh, by the way, you really should check out his blog, tons of pictures, looks almost like my corner bar only better. If I ever make the trip to New York I will definitely stop in an eight hour Sunday session of football and beer. And Swandad, thanks much man, your comments were greatly appreciated and thanks for linking me. Peace.