Fading Memory

Those who know me might understand this, those who don’t might think I’m full of shit. This is more of a question to ponder, a life question that you may comment on, maybe even give a little advice on. WHY THE HELL DO I GET SWAYING DRUNK EVERY FUCKING NIGHT? Normally I can function like the average person during the day, maybe even better than the average person (I am special). But lately I’ve been hearing stories about the night before that I have absolutely no recollection of, nothing, not even hearing a story and remembering bits and pieces, completely nothing. I think I’m falling back into my old ways, I was improving for a little while. And it’s not just the end of the night stuff, it’s like 2-3 hour blocks of time that are missing from my memory. Intellectual conversations (as intellectual as you can get after three pitchers) about who knows what, different opinions shared, the proper procedure for this or that, talking to friends I haven’t seen in a month and having no idea what came out of my mouth or went into my ears. Last night I had a deep conversation with a very close friend and I don’t think it was really a good conversation but I can’t remember a damn thing that was said. I’d like to think it was random babblings that spew out of me but I don’t think that was the case. Memory of an 80 year old with Alzheimer’s. Maybe it’s not the memory, could just be the vodka and beer, more likely the case. Here’s the part that might be hard to believe. A friend dropped off a 1.75 L bottle of cheap vodka on Saturday. I made a drink for a friend and the rest was mine, it’s half gone after 3 days. So almost two liters of vodka should last me six days, see something wrong with that? Friend who dropped off the vodka also dropped off a carton of OJ. OJ carton is smaller than the vodka and the vodka will be finished before the OJ. Sad part is it’s not just the vodka, that’s just the starter. Two or three or four pitchers of beer at the corner will follow the third of a liter every night.