Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Locker By The Shitter

Ok, so I go to the gym every day during the lunch hour. Marquette must have 10 different staff working the front desk (tall cute chic from the spring must have gone home for the summer, boo hoo). I always ask for a locker and a towell, they ask if I have a preferred locked and being the non-demanding guy that I am I say no. So how is it 50% of the time I'm stuck right next to the bathroom? There must be 300 lockers there and I always get B35 (ok, today it was B36 but still right by the shitter). All these old retired lawyers (lawyers suck by the way J) taking naked dumps right next to the locker I seem to be destined to get. That's right, naked dumps, cause heaven forbid you wrap a towel around your fat naked ass. I should walk around naked with my shaved pubes, but I think there might be a couple guys who are light on their feet who frequent the gym. Back to the locker, I have to undress (pants, shirt, socks, shoes, whole works) with this stench that is worse than one of my collosal farts (I've been known for my potency). No air flow, just this cloud lingering outside the bathroom door. And then of course get dressed into the workout clothes. Granted I'm a guy and it doesn't take that long but it seems like foooooooorrrrrrrreeeeeeevvvvvvvveeeeeeeerrrrrrr when you can hardly breathe. So, as you can guess, from now on I'm requesting a different locker, the one right in front of the mirror so I can admire my sexy bod!!!

3 comments:

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

are u sure u haven't farted at the gym before and put u there on purpose? i mean ur farts do really smell. i mean really smell, bad enough to bring tears to our eyes sometimes. if i worked at the gym and had smelled one of urs i put u by the shitter too.

Anonymous said...

The outside might be cute, but it's the inside I worry about. I mean, what are you eating that makes you rot from the inside?

Anonymous said...

Collosal fart...hell you have been known to stink out a whole shuttle bus...have you seen a doctor about that? Beano works too....