Free Hug Day!

I was walking to City Hall today when I saw a group of girls all dressed in black. I figured there might be some goth convention going on downtown and stayed on the right hand side of the sidewalk. I couldn’t help but sneak peeks at them, trying to not draw their attention. The first three were pretty good looking, one with a shoulder-less shirt on. They passed by me but there was one more to go, a total Sasquatch. Before I got passed her she stopped, and with her arms held out asked, “Would you like a free hug?” First off I’m thinking whoa, I’m standing here looking eye-to-eye with this girl and I don’t think I could possibly wrap my arms all the way around her. But I figured hey, if I don’t give her a hug she might feel let down, so I put on a smile and gladly accepted her offer. As I got in close she put her arms around my shoulders and squeezed. My arms were under hers and somehow (?) found her ass. She whispered, “That’s the best hug I’ve had all day,” without letting go. I turned towards her ear, smelling her hair a bit too deeply to be comfortable, and whispered back, “Well, it is hump day after all.” She slowly pulled away, just far enough to where my hands were on her hips and our faces were inches apart. She nodded to the next building, “You know, I have a room at the Hilton. Can I take you up on that offer?” Sadly, she was 6’4” and 200 lbs, and even worse, I was on company time (not that that has stopped me before in lessor/non-career jobs - also back in the day that I still had a functional penis). “I can’t, I have to go back to work. Could we settle on a ki…” Before I could even finish my sentence she grabbed my head with both hands and planted her lips squarely on mine. In no time it turned into a full-blown make out session. Her friends were cheering her on, people walking on the street were looking at us awkwardly as they had to walk around 400+ lbs of public affection. Eventually I managed to pull away and thanked her as she excitedly waved goodbye.

But could you imagine if I wasn’t on work time? I probably could have gotten one of her friends to join us in some hot, steamy, mid-afternoon three-way action! Mid-afternoon sex is always great, feels a little naughty like you should be doing something productive, wouldn’t you agree? And a three-way? I think, maybe, yeah maybe that would be a first for me.

And could you imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t been a pussy and kindly declined her offer of a hug (which is what really happened)? I swear, God, I appreciate you throwing me a bone every once in a while, but I think Your selection and timing are just a bit off.

[Apparently the Paul Mitchell Academy was at the Grand Avenue Mall today and their students were giving out free hugs. When I got back to the office I quickly looked it up and found video clips of rather stunning women giving hugs on the streets of downtown Milwaukee. And I get a Sasquatch (shaking my fist at the sky).]