I Finally Got Laid Due To This Blog

This weekend was a doozy. Friday started off a bit rough with Dave Bush of the Brewers giving up seven runs while getting one batter out in the first inning. This, combined with a 12 inning game on Saturday made for a tough weekend for the pitching staff. John Axford, a recent call up from the minors, has displayed some good stuff on the mound, all while sporting a handlebar mustache.

I had a couple pitchers at the bar. I don't think I've ever been so disgusted by a ball game before (except for maybe when I was playing in the game). I had just read up on Frank Lucas so I decided to pop "American Gangster" in the DVD playing and hang out with the puppy.

I have a 61" TV in the basement connected to two four foot tall speakers so it's a pretty decent setup for watching movies. I put a food/water dish together, grabbed a cooler filled with cold beer, carried the puppy down stairs and started the movie.

The Renter was working a wedding in the banquet hall at the bar so I figured I'd shoot her a text, one of those "ha, ha, you're working and I'm not!" deals. "American Gangster at home, shots of Dr.s, sweet." I got a response two minutes later. "Shots of Drs?"

From my dad. Apparently I sent it to him by mistake. Fuck. That wasn't the worst of the evening.

I've already established the fact that I was drinking beer and doing shots, by myself, in my basement. (And I'm single why?) I think I got halfway through the movie when I started to see double. Watching a movie when you have to squint to see it isn't that much fun so I cleaned up a little and went upstairs. I knew I had to pee but didn't think much of it. I took the puppy outside and right when she was peeing it started to hit me; I needed to get inside the house as soon as possible. I made it to the bathroom but, in my intoxicated state, couldn't for the life of me get my penis out of my shorts. I peed myself standing right in front of the toilet. (That why I'm single?)

If my clothes are on the bathroom floor something went horribly wrong the night before. When the Renter saw that there was no denying what happened. All my friends knew about it on Saturday. They debated whether I had a drinking problem or a peeing problem. Awesome conversation. I highly suggest everyone get drunk and pee themselves only to have a 30 minute debate about it the next day. Try it if you don't believe me.

Saturday and Sunday I spent building a storage container for all the canvas fold up chairs I have. I'm not much of a handy man but I figured it out with just a couple mistakes. First mistake was to make it out of 2x4s; the box is fucking heavy. Hopefully it will match the deck after I stain it.

And no, I did not get laid this weekend because of this blog. I'd be floored if that ever happened to Captain Pee Pee Pants here.