Friday, November 13, 2009

Laurie, Laurie, Laurie…, Yahoo! Personals Advice


I love scanning through Yahoo! Personals! Absolutely love it! When I come across an interesting photo I like to post it on here for the whole world to see. Well, I found 40-yr-old Laurie today. She had six pictures on her profile. The first couple caught my eye. Here was a 40-yr-old woman who was in pretty good shape and was kind of cute. But then I came to this photo.

Not that I’m a dating dynamo or anything, but this one gave me the shivers. Actually, I’m not even sure if I know what “dating” is anymore. Whatever happened to the good ‘ol days when you’d buy a chick dinner, follow that up with some drinks to lighten the mood and end up getting some action at the end of the date? What happened to those days? What happened to the days of banging your co-workers in the employee lounge while the customers watched “Forrest Gump” or “The Piano”? I remember those days like it was 14 years ago. Ah yes, fond memories.

I should be a consultant for people wanting to set up personal ads online. Again, not that I’m good at the whole dating thing but I sure as hell know what not to put on one’s ad. Here’d be my list of items that grind my beans the most:

1. Spelling, punctuation. No using “ur” or “lol’ on your ad. Don’t write the whole thing in lower case. You don’t want people to think you’re a total imbecile because that’s the way you were raised in the texting era.

2. Don’t ramble on and on about yourself. “I like walks in the beach, camping, dancing, board games, dogs, going out with my girl friends, plays, musicals…” Good Lord, nobody wants to read all that shit.

3. Don’t classify yourself as “average” if you look like you just gave birth to a child.

4. Don’t write that you’re just looking for friends. This is a dating website. Guys want pussy. If you don’t have friends you’re just a loser.

5. Don’t post pictures of you wearing sunglasses. The whole point of posting a picture is to see what you look like, not what you look like wearing Paris Hilton glasses (you should ditch those altogether).

6. Don’t post pictures where your ex-boyfriend has been cropped out of the picture. Just tacky.

7. DON’T POST PICTURES WHERE YOUR BARE FEET ARE EXPOSED!

If someone wants me to review their personal ad I’ll gladly do it for (mostly free) sex.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

um, that's a dude! look at the feet!

FA