Monday, September 21, 2009

Rough Weekend

This last weekend, man, it was a rough one. It started out tame enough, corner bar at 6:00 for the half priced appetizer menu – otherwise known as dinner lately. After making sure that the Renter was home and the puppy was out I decided to stay at the bar for the evening. One chicken caso and seven pitchers later and I was on my way home for bed at about 11:00.

The puppy woke me up early on Saturday. Usually she sleeps in till 10:00 but for some reason she thought 8:00 was late enough. After letting her out I cleaned the kitchen. The Renter and I were going to her company outing (Brewers game) and an acquaintance from the bar was going with us. I don’t know the guy super well but we’ve chatted sports a lot. He’s older, 55 or so, and a pretty respectable person so I didn’t want the house looking like a pig pen if he were to happen to go inside. So with the kitchen clean I sat down and turned on the Badger game (playing Wofford, Northern Illinois, and Fresno State to start the season? Who starts the season with three lame duck teams in a row? 20th ranked Miami (FL) is already 2-0 in ACC games). A little before noon the Renter and I hit the bank and the local diner for some food. 2:00, back at home, the Renter tells me to wake her up at 3:30. “When are you going to clean?” “I’m not.” Needless to say I didn’t wake her up at 3:30. At 4:00 she woke up and found me in the basement lifting weights. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” “Why didn’t you clean?” This set off the fireworks to the point where she took a garbage bag into the living room and threw pretty much everything in to it – plates and forks included. I took a shower, filled up the cooler and went outside. 4:30 the friend showed up and by 5:00 the Renter had cooled off and we were on our way.

The Renter’s work knows how to throw a party. We were in a special section in Miller Park where you get two free beers with your game ticket and all the food you can handle. I started off with the usual, a plate of nachos covered in cheese and jalapeno peppers. I had taken one bite with two peppers before the national anthem was played. At the end of the anthem I had already started to sweat. I forgot that their peppers were the real deal. By the time I finished the plate I was one big sweaty mess. I followed that up with a burger. I didn’t want to eat too much, had to save some room for beer. The two free beverages were punched on my ticket within the first 20 minutes. The first two beverages were punched on the Renter’s ticket by the end of the first inning. Last year I resorted to keeping an eye out for little kids, tripping them, and swapping their un-punched ticked for my punched one. I think I paid for two beers the whole night. Kind of evil and cruel but hey, I drank pretty much for free. This year the Renter said I couldn’t do that so she went around and politely asked families if they were going to use the tickets for beverages or if she could have them. I liked my method better. However, without a knee being scraped she was able to hustle up 12 tickets. Our friend had four beers, I had the rest. They stopped serving at the end of the 8th inning. With one out left the Renter redeemed the four tickets we had left and we had a glorious table full of 16 ounce beers. Unfortunately for us the Brewers won (no bottom of the ninth) and we were forced to leave a couple full ones there.

I staggered out of there. My whole goal was to not run into anyone on the way out. I succeeded in that. However, I also met the Renter’s boss and stuck my foot in one of her co-worker’s husband’s ass on the escalator – in front of the Renter’s boss - none of which I remember actually doing. I got scolded for that on Sunday. I know the guy whose ass I stuck my foot in; he’s actually (gulp) kissed me on the cheek and grabbed my ass before. I told her it could have been worse, could have been her boss whose ass I kicked. She concurred and stopped bitching at me. Guess what I now have to do at her next work outing?

We also have this special tradition when leaving Miller Park. No matter who we go with we always have to take the Renter’s Liberty (I sure ain’t driving). Instead of following the big line of cars to get out of the parking lot we take the “side road,” hop a couple curbs and we’re out of there in a flash. Certainly couldn’t do it with your average car (although with the FA’s recent driving history he might do it unintentionally).

Later that evening I had a beer at a wedding reception at the corner bar’s banquet hall. One beer. Free beer a-flowing and I had one. Ladies and gents, I was pretty toasted.

Sunday I left the house for the Packer’s game around 11:00. Thankfully this week they had the pool sheets so I was able to drink for free. The building manager won the first two quarters and spotted me $5 (the second one with a 2 (?) in a 21-21 game). The Renter was trying to sell her Tom Brady jersey but surprise, nobody wanted that fag’s jersey on their back. Then she brought her laptop up and placed 15 orders for jerseys for people, collecting cash for some, a promise from others, all on my credit card. She didn’t even sell them for a profit. All this hassle for nothing. I see disaster written all over this.

After the Packers got their asses handed to them by the Cincinnati Bengals I went home to let the puppy out. The Renter had another great idea: let’s call over Mr. Fudd and put the living room couch in the basement! The couch I bought for the living room six months ago is a bit large and you can’t go from the living room to the kitchen without having to step over part of it. I told her I was in no shape to be moving furniture. “That’s ok, Mr. Fudd and I will do it all.” Guess who was sweating his balls off trying to get a six piece sectional in the basement? I know I lift weights and shit but that’s just for 30 seconds at crack. Moving furniture sucks ass.

(I actually started riding the bike after working out. I noticed the leaves have started to fall and I have a huge black walnut in my back yard. I don’t need anyone saying, “He died raking leaves?”)

So now I guess the Renter wants to move the 61” TV to the basement also. I have this strange feeling the it won’t be operational by the time it gets down all the stairs.

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