Roger Goodell - NFL Conspiracy Theory

I’ve always said that Roger Goodell, the commissioner for the National Football League, is the second most powerful person in America (behind only the President). And now, ladies and gentlemen, I have substantial evidence to back my claim.

David Jacobs was a known steroid dealer in the Dallas area. After getting busted by the cops and sentenced to three years probation on May 1st he singled out one NFL player who he had sold tens of thousands of dollars of performance enhancing drugs (I guess he and Matt Lehr had some kind of falling out, that’s why he was named). Matt Lehr was suspended for four games after failing a drug test in 2006 when he played for the Atlanta Falcons.

Jacobs said NFL officials were knocking on his door at 9:00 am the day after his sentencing. On May 21st the NFL security officials (you know, those guys with the dark suits, shades, possible bulges revealing concealed weapons) met with Mr. Jacobs. Jacobs and his lawyer, Hank Hockeimer, discussed which other NFL players Jacobs had supplied with anabolic steroids. He handed over canceled checks and other evidence to the officials.

The Dallas Morning News reports: A few weeks ago, attempting to turn things around after his legal troubles ended, Mr. Jacobs was thrilled at the positive response to an online audio interview he gave. "God I really do need to write a book ..."

Yeah, that’s what the NFL really wants.

There are conflicting stories on how the police came to find both Jacobs and his girlfriend, Amanda Jo Earhart-Savell, shot to death in his home. One report said Jacobs’ father received an anonymous phone call at his home in Georgia telling him to call the police. Another report said Earhart-Savell’s family filed a missing persons report and told police that she might be with Jacobs. The anonymous phone call reeks of foul play.

And finally there’s the medical examiner’s report. Yep, go figure, murder/suicide.

From the Associated Press: “The medical examiner said Friday that Jacobs suffered a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the abdomen and another to the head. They didn’t say more about Earhart-Savell’s death.”

First off, who’s to say that she didn’t shoot him twice and then shoot herself? Secondly, who the fuck shoots themselves in the stomach before going for the money shot in the head? That just doesn’t make sense in my book. Why would you inflict severe pain on yourself before ending it all?

I went on the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal’s website. They have a salary database for all the state, county, and city employees. The top county medical examiner makes $79,000 (the director of the medical examiner’s office makes $215,000 but it’s unlikely that he actually sees any of the stiffs that come in). Who’s to say Roger Goodell didn’t cut a handsome check to cover up the mob-like hit?

Here’s how I think it all went down. David Jacobs was hurting for cash. His natural supplement business was floundering after he was arrested last year. He had lawyer fees to pay and the $25,000 fine he was given at his sentencing. The best opportunity he had left to get his hands on some cash was by writing a book. Once the NFL found out about the online audio interview they had to put this to rest (as in rest in peace). The before mentioned security officials went to his house, shot him in the stomach, off'ed the girlfriend, and had some choice words for him before wrapping things up. They paid off the medical examiner and now it appears to be another roid rage travesty just like the Chris Benoit incident.

What, sounds to wild to be true?

The neighbors didn’t hear any gunshots. The police haven’t released anything more than what I’ve written here. And the multi-billion dollar franchise that is the NFL will avoid any steroid controversy like Major League Baseball just went through.

Remember those Spygate video tapes that former New England Patriot’s video assistant Matt Walsh turned over? Yeah, those were “destroyed,” just like David Jacobs’ testimony and other evidence will be shortly if it hasn’t been already.

Roger Goodell don’t take no shit.

(And now, after writing this, I have this strange feeling that I’m going to be super paranoid and triple deadbolt my house just like Mel Gibson’s character did in Conspiracy Theory. There aren’t any random drive byes in my neighborhood. If something happens to me you’ll know that I was at least somewhat on target here.)