I Peed Myself Again

This weekend, uh, man, sumptin else. I had off from work on Friday and washed and waxed the Jeep for the last time before winter. But other than that, I don’t know what I did. I think I posted a couple of times on this here blog (although I have no idea what it was anymore), beat the Renter in six straight games of pool till she gave up, looked at the leaves in my yard that need to be raked (looked at, didn’t touch them), went out with the old roommate on Saturday night, and, well, beat off a couple times. Which reminds me of one of the posts from over the weekend, the one with the email from the FA’s wife’s cousin. Between her profanity filled email and hot ass slutty Halloween pictures, well, let’s just say it worked, un, several times. (And no, K, I didn’t beat off to your pictures, but it sounds funny if I put it on the blog. Call me if you want to shave our genitals together. We can have a genital shaving party with wine and cheese. Mine needs it pretty bad, it’s like a fucking jungle down there.)

On a totally unrelated topic...

If there’s a girl that you’d like to screw but she definitely wouldn’t screw you, say this in front of a bunch of her friends:

“So, do you have a boyfriend now or can we start hooking up again? We had a good run at it a couple months back.”

Seriously, I have the best pick-up lines ever. Talking about sex as “a good run at it” really turns the women on, especially if you’ve never done it with her, and it has to be in front of her friends. Priceless.

Another priceless moment: waking up on Monday wearing a different pair of shorts than you remember going to bed in. I guess I peed my pants Sunday night. There’s nothing sexier than a tall brown haired blue eyed man who has peed his pants. Yes ladies, I’m single. Send your love letters and boob photos to me soon; you never know when I might be taken off the market. Boob and ass photos ‘cause you know I love a nice ass.

And fuck, I’m a terrible liar; I did get a little randy with those Halloween pictures.

Since I might have gotten the FA in trouble for sending me the pictures (K’s Myspace page is set to private), I figured I’d throw a prop out there for my good buddy. Today he sent me a chart showing the annualized rate of return for my Roth IRA. Here are the results:

One year: 22.51%
Two years: 16.49%
Three years: 16.73%
Since inception: 15.13%

In comparison, the S&P 500’s annualized rate of return for that time span is 12.12%. Now I can’t give him all the props since I picked some of the mutual funds but the ones I picked were out of a selection he sent me. Either way it’s worked well. Thanks FA.

And because I’m really not that nice of a guy… the FA masturbates while sitting on the toilet. I asked him why he doesn’t do it over the sink so he can see his manliness in the mirror while he’s working it. The FA replied that he couldn’t reach that high. And that he doesn’t have that much in the manliness category. I feel for you, buddy.

Snoop out in Cali is laughing his ass off right now.