This was the FA’s idea. Since I posted on this world renowned blog that the FA whacks off while sitting on the toilet (wife ain’t putting out?), he asked that I ask you, dear reader, on how you do it, it being masturbating. I know this is kinda personal and all but if you would take two minutes and post a comment on how you do it maybe we can settle a little dispute the FA and I have. Anonymous comments would be appreciated, I don’t need to know that Swandad whacks off in the living room while his roommate is in the shower. Or that he thinks about his roommate while doing the deed.
So, if you could somehow manage to answer one or more of the following questions we might be able to get to the bottom of this.
When do you masturbate?
Where do you masturbate?
What do you masturbate to?
And the main question…
Do you stand, sit, or lie down when masturbating?
Hopefully you don’t feel weird commenting on this and I will appreciate all responses. Knowing the worldwide attention this blog gets I’m hoping for 400 responses (more like 4). Maybe after a week, if I get enough responses, I can sit down and analyze the data and come up with a couple whacked out theories for you (whacked out, get it?).
This all started while the FA and I were waiting for a flight at O’Hare International. We were sitting there sipping our Duncan Donuts coffee when the FA told me he does it in the bathroom so his wife wouldn’t know.
Me: You shoot your load in the sink, right, you know, easy clean up?
FA: No, I do it on the toilet.
This floored me a little knowing the foulness that comes out of my ass. Why would one take such a lovely, beautiful act such as masturbating and do it where yesterday’s Taco Bell ends up? That’s just wrong in my opinion. (But it does bring up the thought of masturbating while you’re shitting. There has to be a porno DVD on that. If not there will be one soon. Trust me.) So the FA brought the question up at his weekly pizza luncheon with the fellas and the results were mixed (but Gar did say that he has to shave his penis each time so he can find it, that hairy bastard). That is why I’m turning to you for help. I don’t ask much of you, well, besides for the boob and ass photos. Oh, and don’t tell me you don’t masturbate. I’m not going to believe that one.
And related to this topic I have a confession I have to make. Twice this week I’ve masturbated… oh, this is tough… without a condom on. Yes, I know, how could you, unprotected whacking, I’m so irresponsible. But man, I’ve just been lazy lately and the whole condom process just takes a load, er, lot out of me.
Ok, enough of that, post your comment. Pretty please?
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2 comments:
I'm not sure if you want a girls comment on masturbation, but I'm going to give it to you anyways! I masturbate about three times a week. Most of the time it's in my bed, laying down before I go to sleep. I am usually thinking of scenes that would be great porno scenes like orgies with a 70/30 ratio of women to men (I love girl on girl action!!) or scenes where I'm getting fucked and a whole bunch of people are watching me, usually touching themselves, too. The other times I do it is in the shower. Not exactly while I'm taking a shower, but after. I don't have one of those handheld massage sprayers so I lay in the bottom of the tub with my legs spread open and against the wall so that my kitty is right under the stream of water coming out of the faucet. Holy shit! Talk about a great orgasm! So anyways, I know this really won't help you out in your theories, but I hope it turned you on a little!!
I was told that I HAD to comment or I would be in trouble. So here it goes.
When do I masturbate?
Normally late at night (after the polar bear, aka the landlord, is sleeping) or early in the morning when the landlord is in the shower. Sometimes after work when no one is home.
Where do I masturbate?
98% of the time it’s in my room, in my bed. But there has been times that I have done it on the couch (sorry landlord-I promise that I laid out a blanket first).
What do I masturbate to?
This is hard because a lot of times I don’t think I’m really thinking about anything. It’s more of a feeling, the feeling of needing to just…well, masturbate. But there have been times when I think about an ex-partner and the fabulous sex. And no I don’t really picture the guy but more what it felt like. Trying to recapture the moment in my head so I can reach the big “O”.
Do I stand, sit or lie down when masturbating?
99% of the time it is laying down. But once in a great while I do it sitting (but not on the toilet-eww). I have tried masturbating while standing up, like in the shower, but it doesn’t work for me.
The best place for me is in my bed under my covers alone. It’s where I feel the most comfortable and safe. I can bite my pillow and grab my sheets when the feelings get intense and go to sleep right afterwards or hide what I’m doing if someone walks by.
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