Weekend Activities at a Glance

It’s been three weeks now and I can finally start to comb my short ass hair. The front still stands straight the fuck up (think Pee Wee Herman) but the rest of it is starting to calm down a bit. I’m still wearing the hat at all times when I’m not at work.

Last week Saturday I was watching a little bit of the Boston College game. Jason Mulgrew (linked at the right) just happens to have a blog that I read on a regular basis. He grew up in Boston and graduated from Boston College. I wondered aloud to the Renter if Jason was watching/at the football game. Renter: “Isn’t it weird that we wonder about people we don’t even know? What boring lives we live.” Well, turns out that he was at the game. And even weirder, he watched the Eagles/Packers game at Swandad’s bar, Third and Long (also linked to the right). Swandad said he was serving Jason for most of the day and that he was a pretty cool cat. Quite the coincidence.

Since all you sports fans out there are just dying to know…

I’m going with Pittsburgh -10 against Buffalo, Cincinnati -7 at Cleveland, Green Bay +1 (?) at New York, New Orleans -3 at Tampa Bay, St. Louis -3 against San Francisco, and Detroit -3 against Minnesota. Come Monday we’ll see just how poorly I did.

You all know my love and affection for the greatest breakfast/lunch/dinner food of all time: chicken wings. If I made a top five favorite foods it would be chicken wings, burgers, pizza, mozzarella sticks, and beer (even though beer isn’t a food I included it because if you consume enough of it you can both become full and fulfill your 2,000 calorie diet). Even though I don’t handle dairy products very well mozzarella sticks are still high up on that list. Well, last night I had some mozzarella sticks. Today at work I had a cigarette around 10:30. I felt a little rumble rumble from the gut region, quickly finished the cig and raced back to the office bathroom the whole way praying no one would stop to talk to me or ask me why I looked like I was going to cry. I barely got my pants down when – whoosh – out came the mozzarella sticks. I wiped and walked back to my office with a hint of sweat on my forehead. But I was glad I got that out of my system. Or so I thought. 11:30 I was back in there flushing out my colon with the force of a fire hose. Why I still eat those tasty little suckers I’ll never know. Well, maybe because they are tasty little suckers.

At noon I had two sticks of string cheese (you’d think I would have learned after crapping twice before 11:30). 3:30 I was back on the can. 4:00 I was back on the can. And tonight, fuck, mom’s picking up pizza. Guess I’ll be utilizing the shitter at the corner bar for something other than sex tonight.

(Like I use it all the time for sex…)

Have you ever been volunteered to do something you didn’t want to? Or have you ever been expected to do something that you really didn’t want to do? This weekend my dad was going to go down to Purdue to visit the Butthead (my sister). He was going to drive down and back on Saturday – that’s eight hours of driving. Butthead called me on Tuesday and asked if I was going to come too. But in this case she wasn’t really asking, more implying that I had to come. I got the same shit from my dad. Seriously, I love my sister, but eight hours on the road on one of my two days off each week? I really wasn’t up for it. This made me think of back in the days when mom would volunteer me to work the vacation bible school at my grade school. Oh did I hate her for doing that. She got me to do it for two years but after that I put my foot down even thought she begged me to do it. Two years ago I stopped going to Wisconsin Rapids to see the aunts and uncles for Thanksgiving. Six hours in the car, snow flake reception on the TV, and no cell phone service. And now I’m thirty, grumpy, cranky, and I refuse to do anything I don’t want to do. Thankfully pops drove down and got Buttsmack yesterday so I don’t have to put up with the pressure anymore. Now all I have to do is spend “quality time” with the family this weekend – watching TV.