Bartender Affair - Kaput

Sadly, my torrid love affair with the 18 yr-old bartender is coming to an end. The Sunday nights of her pouring out her love (beer) for me will be no more. No more hours spent ogling her luscious boobies as she does the dishes in front of me. It was a fast, hot love affair (and furious if you consider the ferocity that I tugged and pulled on Mr. Frankie). But now it is coming to an end.

My Gollumish bartender managed to
get the corner bar to open on Sundays. They were going to start opening on Sundays with the upcoming football season and all but he managed to get them to open this coming Sunday. And get this – they will also be offering free pool (free pool! – me beating off frantically). How he got this through the legislation I will never know. The head manager can be tough to work with. Months back someone noticed that the flat screens in the restaurant had DVD players built in on the side of the screen. So one Sunday night a couple of us (not me, I was way too drunk to be carrying a TV) switched the TVs – they were the exact same size – so we could watch movies in the bar on slow Sunday nights. The Sunday movie night concept was a huge success. When we put movies on every single person in the bar was watching that TV. We would play well regarded movies like The 40 Year Old Virgin and Ladder 34 (or some other number like that). That lasted for about three weeks till the head manager noticed the TVs in the restaurant didn’t match. She got so mad she had the TVs switched back, bolted down, and withheld the paychecks of the culprits for over a week. How my bartender got her to open up the pool table I will never know (but there might have been some sexual favors swapped in the deal).

So my Sunday routine is going to change drastically. Instead of waking up at 1:00, flipping on the tube, watching some movies and fondling my junk I have to actually set my alarm, wake up at 11:00, shit, take a shower, and head up to the bar for eight hours of football (I usually need to leave at halftime of the night game while I can still walk). The effects of the typical 5-6 pitchers in 5 hours takes a radical turn when you add on three more hours and two more pitchers. They offer free food at halftime of the Packers game but by then I’ve had two pitchers on an empty stomach and it doesn’t do all that much good. And then there’s the SoCo. No matter how many times you pee that much beer is going to make you feel full. The last two or three drinks of the night are typically Southern Comfort and Cokes and put me into a twelve hour hibernation till I have to wake up on Monday morning.

I’m wondering if I should send the 18 yr-old bartender a card with a letter explaining the situation. I don’t want to just leave her out in the cold. I know that she has fantasized about having hot passionate sex with me on the pool table and I’d like to let her know that I appreciate those thoughts and that I’ve had them too. But it just can’t be. We have to move on.

I’ll beat one more out for her.