Things I did this weekend:

1. Woke up at noon every day.

2. Missed ushering in church on Sunday due to #1.

3. Went to Taco Bell at midnight.

4. Got too inebriated to play pool without falling over.

5. Won a little cash at the casino.

6. Spent winnings on a lot of beer and chicken wings.

7. Spent winnings on laundry detergent.

8. Spent winnings on a bottle of Southern Comfort.

9. Had a plate steak (steak that’s as big as the plate).

10. Forgot to take contacts out before going to bed.

11. Forgot to brush my teeth before going to bed.

12. Going to bed = passing out.

13. Let the Renter practice driving the stick shift.

14. Folded laundry.

15. Watched the Brewers lose three straight.

16. Whacked off.

17. Got busted while attempting to whack off by the Renter, who then told the ex-roommate who had just stopped by after work.

18. Looked at pictures of the ex-roommate’s coworker (who was in Penthouse!).

19. Broke off the towel holder in the bathroom.

20. Drank lots of beer.


Thing I acquired this weekend:

One huge fucking zit on my chin that could be mistaken for a second nose.

I am 30 years old. Wouldn't you think I'd be past the whole zit phase? My 18 year old sister ran to her bathroom and handed me this little tube of stuff. "Here, put this on and it will make it go away faster." Now my chin is dry, numb, and yet painful at the same time. Great.