New Blog

The Renter and I started a new blog appropriately named The Landlord and the Renter. I’m not 100% sure how it came about (weird how alcohol affects your memory), but it’s there for your viewing pleasure.

For some time now the Renter and I have agreed that we should have a video camera or recording device with us for when those special moments happen. To some people, special moments would be like a birthday party or their kid’s first soccer game. The Renter and I have slightly different kinds of special moments. Renter/Landlord special moments could possibly involve crap or urine, raunchy farts, feeling boobs at the bar, getting drunk (wink), and maybe sex with small animals. We figured over the course of a week we could certainly have enough footage for a thirty minute show. However, since I was passed out at noon the day MTV came knocking on the door, we do not have a camera crew. All we have is a six mega pixel camera and the Renter’s stubby fingers to tell the story.

So there we were last night, 11:00 pm, two double cheeseburgers, two McChickens, and a large fry sitting in front of me, when I boldly proclaimed that we should start a new blog. (For those of you who are wondering, I ate all that, with a beer, 1,900 calories. Fuck.) I had this idea that instead of having a full blown camera crew, we would just put a random conversation in a blog format. L: said this, R: said that, L: farted on R’s head, just something simple and easy. And you know what? It was actually pretty fun doing it. I was watching Jackass, stuffing my face with McDonalds and the Renter was furiously typing (ft-ing) on her laptop. I had to look over her shoulder a couple times because she has stubby fingers and either hits the wrong keys or she has a speelling problom. She tries to blame that on her being Chinese or Korean or whatever but don’t worry, I’ll do my best to keep her spelling in check and stomp out any “u’s” or “ur’s” that she might try to slip in there. (Speaking of slipping in there, if she ever writes about a dildo coming into contact with my ass, she’s LYING!)

I do foresee at least one problem stemming from this new creation. Under the influence of alcohol and drugs (children’s Tylenol), I tend to say things that I don’t necessarily mean. For example, a friend might ask me if I want to shoot pool at noon the next day. At the time, under the influence, playing pool for three hours sounds like a blast. But it doesn’t sound like that hot of an idea the next day at noon when I’m picking myself off the bedroom floor because at some point in the night I fell out of bed. Or when a female friend suggests that we go out to dinner on a Friday night. At the time, under the influence, I will heartily agree only to realize the next morning that she said “go out to dinner” and not “I want to lick whipped cream off your cock.” The problem with the new blog is that I won’t be able to shrug it off and say I never said that. Now it will all be in writing for all of southeast Asia to read. This is not good.

I am a man of my word, but only to the point that I will do what I said as long as it doesn’t inconvenience me (the true definition of “a man of my word”). Shooting pool at noon means, well, I have to be up and ready by noon. Going out to eat means I have to foot the bill and quite possibly not get the desired desert. Now that everything will be recorded I will be held accountable and have to go through with what I actually said.

Yeah right, I’ll still be “man of my word” B to the… Some things never change.