You People Are Strange

I’ve had some weird comments lately on this increasingly unpopular blog of mine. For example, this comment was posted to the penis picture on the cell phone explaination:

I am a bit disappointed that you did not post the picture of your penis on your post. When I saw the empty space I figured that I was going to be treated to a delightful image of your perfect penis. I was a bit sad by the cock tease. Shame on you for toying with my emotions like that!

Maybe in the next post you will surprise us all with a picture? You do talk enough about your penis that your faithful readers should be able to see what preoccupies your thoughts for 20 hours of the day (the other 4 hours are of course dedicated to big, firm, lushes breasts).

At first I was quite intrigued at the comment. You know me, sexually frustrated and all, and someone wants to check “it” out! Score! But then I started thinking more about it. This could be one of my retarded friends doing this just to get me to post something that would make the turd pictures look like Mickey Mouse picking his nose. I have never posted any nude pictures on this site, whether it be mine or someone else’s. And no, I don’t think pictures of my holy (as in “with holes”) underwear crossed the line. I have kept it clean in that sense. I probably should apologize for referencing how much I stroke my schlong, but trust me, I mention it far less times than I actually do it.

Looking at the writing style itself, I don’t think my retarded friends could come up with “delightful image of your perfect penis” or “sad by the cock tease.” I had to look “cock tease” up on the internet to find out what it means and TRUST ME, a cock tease I am NOT. Going on farther, who spells “luscious” as “lushes”? Yeah, one of my friends could have done that.

Swandad always has “The Swanfather Mini Poll of the Week” on the sidebar of The Diary of Third and Long. I’m guessing that if I put a “Do You Want to See the Penis Pic” poll on this site I’d get a resounding (95%) NO result. But then again, my friends are pretty fucked up and would probably vote YES 50 times each day, making the poll as useless as KY Jelly to a quadriplegic.

That being said, the Renter and I took penis pictures this weekend. I tried doing them myself but I’ve had this concentration problem lately. As soon as I was good and ready I’d go for the camera and my penis would instantly shrink like a turtle ducking into his shell. So I had the Renter there for the photo shoot. And I figured I’d do it tastefully with a dark blue condom on so it wouldn’t be like a real nude shot. Not that you would be able to tell that it wasn’t a rolling pin but actually a penis, but you get the picture. I didn’t do this in anticipation of actually posting the picture, but like the picture on the cell phone, it’s there in case of emergency. For example, a hot woman emailing that me taking pictures of my penis is gross and me sending her five emails with five pictures each. You know, emergencies.

Here’s another one:

Tell me that something happened between you and the three girls that your roommate brought home for you? Your readers need to know that you step up to the plate and lived the fantasy that we all dream of, three women at once. Please tell me that you spent the whole night in bed with three women having wild, hot porn-like sex and not by yourself. For God sakes, lie to us if you have to. Just don't tell us that you let that opportunity slip threw your fingers.

I want to know where I can get a roommate like your.

I am deeply sorry to say that nothing happened that night. DEEPLY SORRY. I went back to sleep. I wish I could make something up for you, but come on; it’s me you’re talking to. Do you really think I’d know what to do with three women in my bed?

But, if possible, I’d like to turn this into a learning experience. If you’re a woman and have two female friends who are adventurous and would like to give this a shot, please don’t hesitate to let me know. Or even if you only have one friend who’d like to join in, I’d be more than happy to accommodate your wishes. Hell, even though it wouldn’t be a new learning experience, I’ll entertain any requests for one-on-one action. And don’t be shy, I use the term “entertain” loosely, meaning “I’ll think about it for one second and send you a frantically composed email complete with spelling mistakes confirming that your application has been accepted.”