Random Shit

CINCINNATI (AP) - A football player was suspended for the first three games of the 2007 season for lying to officials investigating a claim that players and recruits engaged in sexual activities with a former women's soccer player at a party, the University of Cincinnati said Friday.
The player, whose identity was not released, at first denied then later admitted having consensual sex with someone and provided conflicting explanations about what else may have occurred that night — a violation of the student code of conduct, the school said.
In the end, investigators said they were unable to substantiate claims made in an anonymous letter sent last month to university president Nancy Zimpher and other administrators.

If they were unable to substantiate the claims, why the fuck did he get suspended for three games?

Good thing no one can substantiate the claims that I masturbate while wearing a condom.

You might have noticed I talk about this a lot. It’s not that I masturbate that often, but when you’ve been doing something every other day (is that often?) since the sixth grade you kind of get attached to it. I’m a little bit of a numbers kind of person and doing the math, every other day for the past 19 years is 3,500 times. My friends, that number is way off. Back in high school and college, the typical study session in my room was interrupted at least twice a night for “study breaks.” There have been numerous days where I’ve had nothing better to do than whack it six or seven times. They say you’re supposed to do everything in moderation. This holds true for masturbation, too. After four or five times I’m left there sitting on the couch, sweat on my forehead, right arm limp from the shoulder down, and a penis that requires a feverish beat down in order to get the job finished. At this point it becomes more work than it’s worth.

As I’ve mentioned before, I can’t remember the freaking password on my “porn” computer. I’m a lazy masturbator. I need some tits or ass in front of me to get the job done in a timely manner, otherwise it takes twice as long. Without having access to the lovely ladies (whores) on my computer, I’m left with three pornographic DVDs. Technically I have four, but I forgot to pick up Anal Sluts 6 when I was at the FA’s house (dude, porn on the 92” screen is awesome!). One of the DVD’s I got for free (stole) from the lawyer girl’s birthday present one year. She had seen Anal Sluts 6 and liked it, so I got her volumes 7, 8, and 9. Along with those they included a free sampler video which I just had to keep for myself. The other two that I own I bought not by browsing for hot Latinas or cute blonds taking on five guys at a time, but by searching for a certain “performer.” Now, you might be thinking Jenna or some other famous porn star, but this wasn’t the case. No, it was a past girlfriend.

And you know what? It’s really fucking weird watching an ex-girlfriend take it up the ass and scream on the TV the same way she did when you had it in her ass. It doesn’t really do it for me. There’s something about knowing that I had “been there” and “done that” that it doesn’t turn me on at all. I don’t know if there are any female porn stars who read this (yeah right), but I’m just going to guess that 99% of them don’t actually orgasm while they are on the set. So, there she is, on the TV, screaming loud enough to wake up the neighbors, and it’s the exact same scream that she did wake up the neighbors with when I was doing it.

Ok, sorry, that’s it for tonight.

PEACE OUT TO THE HOMIES