Back In The Saddle

Sorry, been busy lately.


Emails with Yahoo Personals girl

Me: I don't suppose you're free tonight from 6:00 to 8:00? I'm sorry but I need to use you for sex, er, I mean dinner at a very high class restaurant like Fudruckers or something. Ok, Fudruckers isn't high class but I haven't been there for a while and a nice juicy burger that drips down your shirt is always good. Oh yeah, and please decline this offer so I don't have to worry about keeping a beautiful woman entertained tonight, otherwise my stomach will be in knots all day. Or accept, that would be ok, too. Goodness, I think I'm still loaded.

[If you haven’t noticed I have a special way with women, I’ll let you in on the secret later.]

Yahoo girl: Hey! I'm sorry but I'm not available. I have Samantha and we're watching/babysitting a dog. She's getting dropped off tonight. :( Otherwise you bet I would! Hey - you may want to lay off the sauce a bit! You're always loaded or hung over! LOL

[And my attempt to excuse myself for the utterly stupid email…]

Me: I was using the "loaded" thing to maybe excuse myself for a really weird email that went this way and that way when it could have been just "6:00 dinner at Fuds." I mean, the email even had "sex" in there and I'm not even sure what that is anymore, at least with another person. It is like riding a bike, right? And to think I was once a porn star (at least in my mind). I'll just shut up now, close my office door and take a nap. And no, I'm really not all that weird, just trying to make you laugh, even if you're just laughing at me and not with me. Have a very wonderful Thanksgiving (puke) if I don't hear from you. I will be cleaning out the gutters and enjoying the Thanksgiving dinner at Potowatomi with a group of people who are bigger losers than me, if that's possible. (I hear you laughing!)

Fudruckers some other time.

[Like that email was any better than the first one.]

Yahoo girl: I don't think that you would even qualify for "the biggest loser" show. You have nothing to worry about, I laugh at you all the time! Hahahehe




Two good deeds of the day:


Walking around downtown today I noticed a woman walking in front of me. Not hot, not at all, maybe 50 with gray hair.

“Mam?”

She turns her head, looks up at me and starts veering away from me with this frightened look on her face. Yeah, that’s what happens when tall white guys say “mam” in downtown Milwaukee.

“I think your skirt is hooked on something.”

She feels around her backside and realizes that yes, her backside is quite exposed. I guess her skirt was tucked in her underwear or pantyhose or something, how would I know.

“You’re right, they are! Thank you very much! I’m sure that wasn’t easy for you to point it out.”

If only she really knew me and the crap I say.


And the second good deed? I left this for the Renter.






















And that was the second one of the day.

And yes that is sticking out of the water.