No Elevation

As you may or may not know I have a Cancun trip coming up shortly. I’ve been using a certain airline for the last five years and have built up enough miles to get a free ticket (almost free, $61 in taxes and fees). My trips to Cancun are usually quiet and low key, sitting on the beach and dipping in the pool through out the day light hours and either staying in at night or going out to a non-touristy club till midnight or so. Most small bars have two-for-ones all night long and it keeps the cost down while I enjoy hanging out with people who I may or may not understand. I’ve done the big clubs where you pay $30 to get in and have to scream in the ear of the person next to you to get them to hear you, and that’s not for me. I have found some really hot Mexican women at a couple of the local bars which I will definitely be hitting on this trip. And they’re always interested in talking to the cute tall white guy whos head sticks out 12” higher than any other at the bar (thank goodness). Last time a group of ladies taught me how to play dominos and shared some funky ass food with me. That was the night I got to make out with the hottest one of the bunch but unfortunately she didn’t know too much English so that was about it.

I was at the gym today talking to the manager telling him about my trip.

Me: “Next week I’ll be in Cancun for a little time off.”

Manager: “Oh yeah, where abouts are you staying?”

Me: “On the Northeastern part, unfortunately they don’t have big waves there. But that’s not the bad part. The bad part is I like to sit on the beach and play volleyball every day and I can’t remember the last time both my feet left the floor at the same time (besides going to bed and falling on my ass stumbling home). Is that a sign that I’m getting old that I can’t remember the last time I actually jumped off the ground?”

I’m not saying I’m not athletic; I went jogging twice a week for most of the summer. But even then at least one foot is on the ground at all times. Are my 29 year old knees going to allow me to generate enough force to actually get off the ground? And if they do manage to do that without tearing some major tendon/ligament, are they going to be able to sustain the impact and strain as gravity pulls my 213lbs back to earth? (Notice the 213lb, funny how if you don’t drink one night you lose a pound. That said, does 2,000 calories of beer = one pound?) My one knee still hurts from falling out of bed while having sex over a month ago (how do you explain that one to the doctor?).

So tonight I’m going to try jumping as high as I can in my basement and I'll smash my head on an I-beam and knock myself unconscious.