Internet Findings/Cousins/Weekend

I found this article about brothels in Australia giving discounts with the purchase of gas. Not exactly sure how the two correlate but… Just note that the “A” in front of the dollar amounts is in Australian currency.

"If you come in and spend time with one of our lovely ladies, we'll give you a discount of 20 cents a liter," Kerry, manager of Sydney brothel The Site, told Reuters Wednesday.
There is no link between brothels, petrol providers or supermarkets but brothels like The Site and Madame Kerry's say the system is simple.
Once you've filled up your car, bring your receipt to the brothel and they'll discount the price of your visit.
The bill for a full 50-liter tank at 126.9 cents per liter comes to A$63.45 ($48.22). With the offered 20c a liter discount, the petrol bill would have instead come to A$53.45.
That A$10 difference is taken off the A$150 cost of a 30-minute session with one of the brothel's "service providers."

So you’re telling me if I would fill up my gas tank I could have sex with a real woman (not porn) for $106? I have friends who drop that on an expensive meal and don’t get any play out of it (besides a case of the runs from bad sushi). Give me the hooker any day. Don’t have to put up with the lame conversation about work or who’s going out with who or who just broke up. Just get right at it, bang the hoe, see ya later, I’m going to the doctor to have my penis disinfected.

An old fling asked me what I’d been up to lately:

Oh, just the same old crap, finding women’s phone numbers on napkins that I don’t remember meeting, soiling myself, fighting crime with my super powers, keeping all four tires on the road, drinking chocolate milk even though my stomach can’t handle it, violating my roommate’s teddy bear, calling 900 numbers for dates/lottery numbers, picking fuzz out of my toes in public, you know, all the usual single guy things.

Probably the reason I’m single. But she said she peed herself at work so it must have worked.

Another article from the internet (Forbes) indicated Milwaukee as the heaviest drinking city in the states.

It will come as no surprise that the residents of a city known as "The Nation's Watering Hole" like to have a beer or two. But Milwaukee isn't just your average brewing town. It's the hardest-drinking city in America, according to Forbes.com's ranking of America's Drunkest Cities.

What gets me is their classification of different drinking levels.

More than 70 percent of adult Milwaukeeans reported that they had had at least one alcoholic drink within the past 30 days — the highest percentage on our list. Twenty-two percent of Milwaukee respondents confessed to binge drinking, or having five or more drinks on one occasion--also the highest on our list. And 7.5 percent of the population were reported as heavy drinkers — adult men that have more than two drinks per day, or adult women who have more than one drink per day.

So, according to them, an adult man who has three drinks per day is a heavy drinker. Maybe my viewpoint is a little skewered, but three? I measured four shots of vodka in in vod/lem recently. And that was just the first of three or four glasses. I’m wondering what they would classify me as since “heavy drinker” is probably pretty close to the top of the scale. Unless they have a “alcohol for blood” or “drinks till one passes out and doesn’t remember getting a bj from Pamela Anderson and Jenna Jamison at the same time” classification (I’m sure one of them left their phone number this weekend).

I went to Cousins (sub place) on Saturday on the way to the parents house. While I was waiting for my turkey sub four women walked in. Each was under 5'3 and well over 200 lbs (do they travel in heards?). I wanted to tell them that Jared went to Subway, not Cousins, to lose his 300 lbs or whatever, but of course I didn't, they could have kicked me to the ground and smothered me. Nothing like 800 lbs of woman on top of you.

So this labor day weekend, I actually did do a little labor. Spent an hour at Menards getting wood to finish the deck and bought a table for it. Washed the cars (owed the roommate one), mowed the lawn, the usual weekend chores. Other than that most of the weekend is hazy besides losing a little money at the casino (really have to stop going there). I’ve slept till noon for three days in a row now, Monday will be number four. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy that, not that I’m a lazy bastard, I still got stuff done in the afternoons, but being holed up in your room under covers four hours later than you normally would be feels like heaven. Being able to nurse a hangover in bed till it’s gone and getting out of bed pretty much totally refreshed leaves you with plenty of energy for a productive afternoon and night time partying.

The only down point of the weekend was the neighbor and I getting into a fist fight. It was over something completely stupid (I won’t get into it now) but he wanted to fight so I knocked him out (heavy bag in the basement actually came in handy). Now I’m sure he’s really pissed off and I have to keep my car in the garage at all times, hopefully he won’t touch the roommate’s car.

No, this really didn’t happen, but it makes you wonder how much you read in blogs is really true. Did this guy really lose his watch in his girlfriends pussy? (I actually heard a story recently where a guy found a used condom in a broad, totally gross.) Did this woman really blow the DJ and get an eyeful of spunk? Does Jason Mulgrew really have hobbit feet? But I, on the other hand, assure you that my writings are at least 50% true (disclaimer in case the Feds ever come calling).