Weight Room Indecency

Today was chest and abdominal day at the gym, 20 sets of pushups (still can’t get on the bench press with the shoulder, must be getting old) and 20 sets of situps. Actually starting to like the pushups over the bench/bar, keeps me in the big cool room with all the aerobic equipment (and hot college chics). I can set up in the back of the room and pretend to watch the TV’s on the other end when all I’m doing is checking out some ass. Yes, I’m a pig, but they wouldn’t wear the tight shorts if they didn’t want their asses noticed, little do they know that I’m doing more than just noticing them…

I get done with the workout and head for the locker room, do the usual wipe down and stand in front of a dryer for a minute. There’s a guy ten lockers over, butt ass naked (Nick Lachey’s butt is cuter), standing up with his legs bowed, and rubbing some product on his junk. I immediately avert my eyes from this horrifying scene. Who wants to see some naked dude while his hands are generously applying some substance to his crotch? I’m still trying to erase the whole image from my memory (might have to drink tonight to ease the pain).

Changed back into my work clothes, I head to the mirror to double check the hair and I have to walk past junk man. He’s talking to some other guy with a towel around his waist (why don’t all guys do that?). I can’t remember what they’re talking about but it’s been going on for a bit, make eye contact with the towel guy and he backs up to let me through. They resume their combination as I walk by and I see junk man putting more stuff on his junk. What the fuck? Two grown men having a conversation, facing each other approximately 5 feet apart, all while one of them is rubbing lotion on his balls and penis. And I had to walk between them, I was even closer than 5 feet to a naked man massaging his balls. So I wonder what the towel guy was thinking, was he ok with it? Was he thinking in the back of his mind “What the fuck, I just wanted to chat with this guy, not watch him play with his shit right in front of me.”? Also, why was junk man still naked while I was already done changing? Was he playing with his balls the whole time?

4:45, just about time to jump in the car and drive home, look out the window and I see this.

What the fuck. By the time I got home you could see exactly where my seatbelt was, great big wet stripe crossing my chest. Oh well. Peace out and keep the beverages flowing.