My ass stinks, and it isn’t choosy on when or where it wants to strike. Last night my hairstylist friend had to get off his bar stool and walk away it was so bad. Today in my office I find myself fanning my crotch in case someone just happens to walk in my office any time soon. Roommate has a can of air freshener in the bathroom that’s labeled “B’s Ass Spray.” I think everyone’s just jealous.
Stinky guy at the gym asked me how many pushups I do on chest days. To be honest I never counted, just alternated the pushups with the situps till my 40 minutes was up. Today I counted, 250. Obviously these aren't all at once, usually start with 35, then 30, then 25, progressively getting lower as I go on. But they seem to be working since I still can't get on the actual bench press with the shoulder. 40ish woman was there, she won the softball game she wanted me to play in. Sporting mad cleavage as usual (thank you!).
And last night I got an email from the “no penetration” chic, basically she doesn’t think that things are going to work out with us, looking for different things crap. One line I’ll quote for you, “I am not really comfortable with how things ended up on Friday.” No shit, me either, not only was I manipulated into going down on a girl (I think the six pitchers did the manipulating, so if you want me to go down on you please buy me six pitchers of beer first), but I had a naked girl in my bed and didn’t get no booty. Oral sex is no substitution for hot and heavy sweaty loud so your neighbors hear you porn style fucking (I guess the neighbor has heard once and his house is 45 ft away, he was trying to get it on with a broad and I foiled his plans). And since we didn’t do the ditty, can I put her on “the list” or not? I think I might have mentioned this blog to her, which (after the post about her) might explain why I got her email. I’m starting to wonder if my blog and my dating life can coexist. I just won’t tell the future ones about it.
Back to the story that was Sunday. New roommate swung by at 11:30 (and she was on time for once) and we head up to the UHAUL store with the little neighbor kid from across the street (ok, he’s my age, just short). After she’s in the office for 15 minutes (little pokey?) she comes out and informs us she rented the smallest one available.
I’m thinking great, I know she doesn’t have much stuff but it’s all big (and ungodly heavy) crap. The cab is the size of a 1980 Toyota pickup so neighbor offers to ride in the back. Ok, cool, fine with me, now I might be able to fit in the front seat without my knees touching my chest. That’s me and the Asian has to scoot down in order to reach the pedals. Pulling out on to the street the Asian didn’t notice an oncoming car and we got plowed into from the rear with the neighbor in the back.
I was lucky not to be injured thanks to the seat belt, but the dude in back? He had a slight concusion and a huge bruise on his head. Ok, that didn’t happen, but we did hear him tumble around the first stop we made. And the second. I’m trying to egg her on and take corners at a brisk pace, stopping just a little harder than needed but she isn’t going for it. Until we get to the speed bumps. She’s got this evil Asian look in her slanty eye, before you know it we’re going fast enough that I feel the need to hang on. Front tires hit, not too bad. Back tires hit, way bad. Dude’s yelling and screaming in the back, locked in a UHAUL that could become his coffin. The bed of the truck had to have lifted up six inches, more than likely propelling him even higher than that, in a UHAUL where the ceiling was less than six inches above his head. I’m sure he made contact.Other weird pictures I found when looking up UHAUL. Guy doing a burn out in one.
And a guy obviously pissed at UHAUL.
I’ll get to the rest of the move later, it’s beer time now.
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