More Jason/Gym/New Girlfriend

I had a post a while back when I first went to the chiropractor for my back/shoulder issues and had to fill out the patient form that had the “drinks per day/week” question on it. Jason Mulgrew wrote about a check up appointment he had at the doctor’s office and what the doctor’s 26 year old assistant had to say:

Racquel: “I noticed on the form that you wrote that you drank ‘a goodly amount’ - can you explain that a little bit?”
Me: “Well, I didn’t know how to quantify it - do you want a day? a week?”
Racquel: “Let’s say a week - how many drinks do you have a week?”
Me: “That depends on the week really. The weather’s been nice and my friends and I have been going out a lot, so that inflates the number a lot…”
Racquel: “Just the average.”
Me: “I don’t know…if I go out three nights a week, I’d say I’d have fifty drinks.”
Racquel: [silence for about three seconds] “Fifty?”
Me: “Yeah - but it takes a lot to get me drunk.”
Racquel: “Is this something you want to continue?”
Me: “Drinking? Pretty much, yeah.”

I went to the gym today. For five minutes. I managed to check in, grab two towels, strip down to my underwear in the locker room, and realize that I brought two shirts and no shorts. Disaster. No sweating my ass off. No hot 40ish woman to ogle at. No reading the money section of USA Today. Fuck. So I got dressed back into the work clothes, almost in tears, and make my way back up to the front desk. There’s this really cute blonde college student manning the front desk (can a woman be “manning” anything? just sounds weird), and of course my mind is full of inappropriate thoughts (come on, it’s me!). I pick one of the tamer ones and let it fly. “It’s really depressing when you have two shirts and no shorts. Unless you don’t mind if I work out in my boxers…” Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking at the time. I got a little smile out of her but it was one of those “please leave soon, you’re freaking me out” smiles. Should have just left it at the two shirts part, no need to mention working out in my underwear. And I don’t even wear boxers, the third leg needs to be strapped/tied/handcuffed down in the briefs so Mr. P is not noticeable when he unexpectedly gets excited at work or in the gym.

I got an email from a person today and I scanned through the names of all the other people it was sent to. I was the only white person included. Oh wait, just found another whitey, but he’s gay, does he still count? I’m down with the hood.

Crap, almost forgot, I have a new girlfriend! Yes boys and girls, B is macking again. And I’m totally infatuated with her after just two dates. She’s tall, about 5’10”, probably 130 lbs. She’s a little older than I am, but it’s only seven years as she’s 36. Very nice blonde hair and lips you just want to suck on. Her ass is tight and she has the boobs of a 23 year old (although not large they’re quite beautiful). Every time she looks me in the eyes my heart melts, I don’t know how else to explain it. She’s intelligent and humorous, two things I always look for in a woman (besides the ass and tits). I actually think she might be the one, the one who I’d settle down with and raise a family. Scary thought, I know, but it just feels right. So, if anyone has Uma Thurman’s phone number would you please forward it on to me so we can check our calendars to set our wedding date?

I’ve been watching a movie every night this week and saw her in “Be Cool” and “Prime,” instantly fell in love. Both are good movies, too.