Friday Night Vacuum Cleaner

Friday night started out like most Friday’s, me sitting on the patio with the vod/lem playing on the laptop (reading Mulgrew’s blog). Friend came over and around 10:30 we headed up to the bar. Really odd crowd for a Friday, we only knew the bartender and one patron/bar fixture. Surprisingly young crowd, too. Around 11:30 “Chris Farley” came in and I’d like to say the party really got started but that would be an understatement. Mahog busted out her camera and got these two cute girls to pose for ass shots. Not just a photo from behind, we had them do side shots while bending over too. Farley and the bartender pretended to make out (hand over mouth) and posed for pictures. Then we got the two cute chics to make out with each other, twice, as the first one didn’t get caught on camera. It was getting pretty wild and everyone was laughing, having a good time. Very late in the evening I saw one of the girls get up off her stool and make a beeline for me.

Her: Hi. I’m C.
Me: Hi, I’m B. Do you live around here?
Her: Yeah, my roommate (make out partner, odd) and I live just down the road.
Me: Hell, I live a block away.

Two minutes of blah, blah, blah, and she makes her move. Before I know it her tongue is tap dancing in my mouth. Uh, hi, don’t you think we should talk for more than two minutes before we start making out? Me, being drunk and talkative, tried to do exactly that but it’s hard to speak when someone else’s tongue is in your mouth. So I gave up trying and went along with it, balls to the walls make out session right there at the bar. Then it got a little weird. If we were having sex there would have been two positions: either 1) her tongue was slammed in the back of my throat trying to see what I had for dinner or 2) she was sucking on my tongue to the point of pain. I never stuck my tongue in a vacuum cleaner hose but I now know what it would feel like. This went on for a good ten minutes. I think my friend got pissed and went outside with her phone. Eventually the girl’s friend gets drunk and they have to leave. I get her phone number and they walk out the door. Funny thing is not once did I even think of asking her over to my house. The old B would have tried numerous times with the many lines in my pick-up/please fuck my brains out vocabulary. But not tonight, sorry for not returning the favor and checking out your cervix.

Went to the casino at 2:30, won $1,300, had breakfast, and went to bed at 6:00 this morning. For some inexplicable reason I was up at 10:00, showered, went to the bank, tried moving stuff out of the spare bedrooms (Mahog is moving in soon, roomie), and pops is on his way to finish the railing on my deck steps. With a party at 5:00 I’m going to be one tired mo fo. Peace.