Monday, August 21, 2006

Hanging On For Dear Life

After the gay home security guy left on Saturday I quickly hopped on the computer to write the last blog, thankfully my friends were 30 minutes late to pick me up for the Waukesha party. I had the usual 4 shot vod/lem on the deck when I see my bartender walking the neighborhood hairdresser down the block. I have no idea why they’re heading towards my house and I panic just a little as I want to finish the stupid blog entry. My bartender informs me he’s taking G home and there’s a full pitcher waiting for me in the refrigerator. Mind you it’s 6:00 pm, G lives five blocks away, and there’s a whole pitcher waiting for me? Then I see G walk, or try to, as he swerves five feet off the sidewalk as he’s mumbling something about being up there since 1:00. Ok, that certainly explains why at 6:00 pm one would need a ride home and leave a pitcher of beer at the bar. Usually when I get like that I wait till no one’s looking and run out the door with the pitcher so I can be stupidly drunk by myself on the deck.

The slanty eyed Asian and Canadian (why did Word capitalize Canadian when I typed it with a small “c” and it didn’t do it for Asian with a small ”a”? Asians less important?) friend swing by at 6:30 and we head up to the bar for food and the free pitcher. They both order food, I go with the “Can’t get drunk with food in your stomach” theory and don’t order anything (later got a steak taco from the Asian). I polish off the pitcher and they’re still eating so I order another and quickly realize I underestimated how long it was going to take them to finish their food. I don’t like people waiting for me (note to Asian – punctually) and polish off half a pitcher in five minutes (unlike G I don’t leave pitchers partially full).

The count is 4 shots, 2 pitchers.

Financial advisor and mortgage dude are at mortgage dude’s house warming party out in Waukesha (15 minute drive, 25 if you don’t know Waukesha, took us 25). We have to have him stand in front of his house so we can find it. Pretty nice house, little pond with running water (I was informed I couldn’t pee in it, come on, would I do that? I’ll just use the kitchen sink then), nice area for 30 people to chill, kick ass stainless grill on the patio, but the thing I fell in love with was the full size barrel sitting in a fridge with a tapper on the front. Oh my god, Gar, can I move in with you? If you ask nicely I might even sleep with you, not sexually but on cold winter nights we can cuddle. Is it ok if I don’t use a glass and just wrap my lips around it (the tapper you fuckers)? My new friend the fridge and I become best of friends in a hurry, to the point where I think Gar saw how many times I was going in and out for glass refills that he brought me a pitcher. Thank you future roomie!

A month ago I was at the neighborhood gay guy’s party, inebriated as a mofo, hanging on to a minivan just to stand up. I figured it worked the last time and looked for something stable to hold on to. My new good friend (best friend status was already established with the fridge) turned out being a large metal apparatus that went over his sidewalk leading to the back door. This thing was probably 6’6” high to it worked nicely as I could grab it anywhere from waist high to over my head. As the night went on the hand kept reaching up, not only supporting me from left and right but also helping me actually stand without crumbling straight down. Word is I had that thing swaying quite a bit towards the end of the night, not quite as sturdy as a minivan. That said, today financial advisor asked me why we left so early. Uh, did you see me? I must have been bad, we got up to the corner bar and I did not want a pitcher, just to sneak out and crawl into bed. Mind you it’s only 10:30, an angry Asian girl insists I stay and buys me a pitcher while I’m in the bathroom (ok, I told her I wasn’t buying a pitcher and wanted to go home, if she wanted me to stay she’d have to buy it). I’d tell you what happened after that but I don’t remember.

1 comment:

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

angry asian--lol. gotta love it. and when i did come on time once u yelled at me. geez i cant seem to win. i could fill u in on the rest of the night. we went to the casino where u won but not as much as the asian guy (he was stroking his pile like it was his penis) then it was off to george webbs where u had two sourdough boys, then the neighbors had a small party so we hung out with them for a bit. i think it was about 3:30 by the time u went to bed.